


Convergence

by fuure, PieDeLune



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bulimia, Childhood Sweethearts, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Omorashi, Past Child Abuse, Purging, Self-Harm, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2018-07-13 20:38:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7136237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuure/pseuds/fuure, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PieDeLune/pseuds/PieDeLune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>William T. Spears is a PhD student working tirelessly to achieve his goal of becoming an astronaut. Just when he thinks he's left his traumatic past behind him, a piece of it walks back into his life as his new roommate. The real problem is, Ronald Knox doesn't seem to remember William as well as William remembers him...and William is discovering quickly how much he still loves his childhood friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_ “I really like you, okay…!” _

 

_ “Like…boyfriend-girlfriend?” _

 

_ “Well, we’re both boys, silly~ But that’s right!” _

 

_ “I…um…” _

 

_ “I just wanted to tell you! And give you something to think it over with….” _

 

_ “M-mh…!” _

 

———————–

 

Things had been going well for William T. Spears. A flawlessly neat dorm to himself, a therapy cat to keep him sane, and mountains of coursework for the PhD in Astrophysics that he’d been working towards for the last few years.

 

Damn right, he was going to be an astronaut. He was going to work for NASA.

 

Everything was going nicely, until the first semester of his third year undertaking the doctorate began, and he was informed that he had a roommate. At first, he was horrified. These dorms were co-ed, and he could think of nothing worse than having to share his living space with someone of the opposite sex.

 

Then he learned that his roommate was male. This was more preferable, but only marginally. In university, living with men could be far more disgusting than living with women.

 

Then, he learned the name of his roommate. Ronald Knox. And William’s heart just about stopped.

 

Ronald Oliver Knox was finally beginning the first of many years he was about to spend studying psychology and mental health. He was a bright and eager young man, starting university several years later than most people did, but better late than never, right? Nursing school had happened in the blink of an eye, and he’d made very good money on it until now.

 

Now it was time to pursue his real dream and become a therapist, a counselor, a psychiatrist. Someone who healed the mental and emotional selves, not just the physical self.

 

Getting shacked up with another male student suited Ronald just fine, bless his gay little heart. He’d been told this guy had been dorming alone for years, apparently.

 

Well, Ronald was always happy to make a new buddy.

 

“Hey, neighbor!” he announced himself merrily upon his arrival to the spacious dorm, saluting playfully. “Guess we’re roomies now, eh? Ronald Oliver Knox; pleased to meetcha!”

 

William stiffened when he heard the door to his dorm open. He’d been sitting at his desk, trying to get through this essay that wasn’t even due until the end of next week. But ever since he’d heard that ‘Ronald Knox’ would be his new roommate, it had been at the back of his mind, the curiosity eating away at him.

 

The first boy that had ever broken his heart…and the last.

 

William’s endless questions were about to be answered.

 

He’d grabbed his cane, straightened up and headed for the door, only to be greeted by the sunniest young blond man he’d ever seen.

 

“W…Uh…William T. Spears….astrophysics doctorate…” he muttered, gazing hard into

Ronald’s eyes.

 

That cerulean blue…William would recognize it anywhere.

 

It was him.

 

Ronald paused a little as he was pulling his luggage into the room, meeting William’s eyes as well. Something about him seemed familiar, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Damn, what a beautiful man, though? Ronald blushed faintly and was temporarily at a loss for words.

 

“Ah – I – uhhhh,“ he stammered, but he quickly recovered and held his hand out for a shake. “Astrophysics, huh? Nice! That’s impressive!” he proclaimed with a grin. “I didn’t know I was rooming with a scientist! And I thought li’l ol’ me was pretty ambitious to even start with a bachelor’s in psychology, yeah? Looks like I’m already gettin’ outshined. Oh! ‘Scuse me; I’m blockin’ the hallway with my stuff,” he added suddenly as he pulled a few large and colorful suitcases into the room. “Great to meet you! Can I call ya Will?”

 

William flustered a little, stepping aside.

 

“A-ah….”

 

Ronald didn’t remember him, it seemed.

 

…Well, that was typical.

 

“I prefer William,” the brunet declared curtly, his cheeks a little flushed with anger and perhaps a little. His cat hopped up from her bed and eagerly trotted over for a sniff, winding around Ronald’s legs.

 

The cat, Bisou, was a slender, lanky thing with the silkiest white fur William had ever seen. She had two beautiful blue eyes and disproportionately large ears, as well as a narrow face.

 

“If you intend to stay in my room you will abide under my rules,” said William. “Curfew is 8:00 PM at the latest. You may not have friends over. Do not touch my things or move them in any way. No loud music…”

 

William had a list of rules memorized; the last man who had tried to stay here hadn’t lasted the week. (And good riddance.)

 

Ronald’s response was to laugh in William’s face. “Huh? What are you, my mum?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “More like my  _ nan _ , rest ‘er soul. Oh! Hello,” he exclaimed once he became aware of the cat’s presence, and knelt down immediately to pet her. “Like, hey, I’ll leave your stuff alone, I can respect that, but I have classes on my schedule that don’t even let  _ out _ until 9, so you’re just kinda gonna have to deal with me coming in late.”

 

He rubbed Bisou affectionately under her chin, cooing softly at her. “What a pretty kitty~ you remind me of my Eirlys. I wish I coulda brought her, and my dog Pavlov. I didn’t think they allowed pets in the dorms here,” he chattered. “God, you’re so soooooft! I’m gonna pet you  _ forever _ .”

 

Ronald gathered Bisou into his arms and gently rubbed the scruff of her neck. “Anyway, I didn’t get a choice in where I’m rooming ‘specially ‘cause I’m here on a scholarship, soooo, I don’t really think you can tell me how to live my social life. It’s not like you own the place. I’m gonna come in late and probably have friends over once I make some, but I’ll leave your stuff alone and I’ll keep my music down. That’s fair enough, right?”

 

Once he was in the dorm, however, he realized that William had not made any room for someone else to put any of their own things. “Oh. So did they not tell you I was coming? ‘Cause there’s like…literally nowhere for me to put my stuff down,” he pointed out, a little unnecessarily.

 

William narrowed his eyes a little.

 

“It really will be easier for you if you just abide. They’re very simple rules. You can go play with your friends at  _ their place _ . I am a PhD student and I  _ cannot  _ afford to be disturbed. But…I am lenient. 10 PM curfew at the latest, on weekdays.”

 

He limped back over to his desk and sat down.

 

“If you want to stay, you’ll abide. Universities really like PhD students,” he warned, as his cat leapt from Ronald’s arms and brushed against William’s leg soothingly. “If you are unruly, I’ll have you transferred in a heartbeat. Now, if we do have a deal, you may take the bed opposite mine. Last the week, and I’ll make room for you. I really dislike moving my things.”

 

William’s heart was racing uncomfortably. He felt…quite emotional, and it was highly unnecessary. This bastard just strutting in here like he owned the place….!

 

Ronald huffed a little, crossing his arms over his chest, but he nodded begrudgingly. “Geez, fine,  _ grandpa _ ,” he replied a little scathingly. “I’m serious about getting my degree too, you know; like I said, I’m on a scholarship so I’m not exactly here to party.”

 

He dragged his suitcases over (five in total, as he was staying long term), and opened one up to pull a package of new bedding out. His mother had just washed it all for him, and he gave it a deep, appreciative sniff before he started making his bed. It was colorful and unique; brown sheets and pillowcase with a matching duvet with bold vertical blue, orange, and brown stripes. It was the exact opposite of William’s simple and sensible navy blue bedding, and stuck out like a sore thumb. All the more out of place was the nearly threadbare plush dog he set on the pillow once the bed was all made.

 

“I can’t wait to make this really feel more like home,” he commented once he had stepped back to admire his handiwork. “Since this’s gonna  _ be  _ my home for a pretty long time, y’know.”

  
“I know your type,” William retorted coolly. “You just stroll in here on your free-ride scholarship all high and mighty with no intent to do any serious work; you’re just here to stumble in drunk at 3:00 AM every school night, nothing on your mind but partying, drugs, and sex. Not in my dormitory, no sir. I won’t let your poor work ethic affect me or my work environment. If I find you disruptive you’ll be out on your arse.”   
  


He knew he was being overly salty, but the fact that Ronald had  _ no recollection _ of him or the years they’d shared together really ruffled his feathers.

 

Ronald paused from smoothing his bed out and looked over his shoulder at William with a bit of a dirty look. “Look, mate,” he said impatiently, jabbing his thumb into his chest. “I  _ worked _ my ass off to earn that scholarship, and it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I’m not gonna waste this chance I’ve worked my whole life for. I just  _ told _ you I’m not here to party.”

 

He turned back and moved all his suitcases into as small of a space as possible. “If I join a fraternity, it’s for the connections I’ll make. I like a good party, for sure, and I’ll probably go to my fair share of ‘em and blow off steam, but it’s not what I’m  _ here _ for and it's none of your beeswax anyways.” He opened up one of his suitcases and showed it to William. Inside it was packed full of brand-new psychology textbooks and related works, and it likely weighed a couple hundred kilos.

 

“See? But here. Look. Behold. Brand spankin’ new expensive as fuck textbooks I paid for outta my own linty pockets. So can you maybe quit ridin’ my ass and actin’ like I’m some no-good delinquent already? Maybe I was one once a real long time ago, like high school  _ maybe _ , but not anymore. I'm dead serious about this, alright?”

 

William wasn’t listening. He’d said his piece and turned back to his work, slipping on his extremely expensive noise-cancelling headphones.

 

Such things were necessary, living in the dormitories.

 

Both Ronald and Ronald’s bed would be easier to ignore if he just  _ focused _ on his work. Burying himself in his endless papers and research projects helped him cope with all the difficulties of his life, and this was just another one.

 

Bisou didn’t so much as glance at Ronald now that her owner needed her soothing presence. William was left handed, and so he rested his right hand on her silky back, petting contently.

 

When Ronald realized he was being ignored, he bristled visibly and slammed his suitcase shut again, heart pounding in fury. “Or you can ignore me like a salty fuckin’ twat; that’s cool,” he snapped as he furiously zipped it back up. “Arsehole.”

 

He didn’t care if William heard him or not. He just hoped that their class schedules would end up keeping them apart as much as possible.

 

He huffed again, unpacking what he could fit on his tiny allotment of space, mumbling irritably to himself in Welsh. On his headboard, he smacked down a couple of colorful boxes boasting cutesy anime magical girl figurines, along with a pillbox with unidentifiable medication inside. He hoped his magical girls would irritate his new roommate.

 

William and his roommate did not share a single word for the rest of the day. In the afternoon, Ronald had gone out for his classes, and when he returned around 9 PM, the salty brunet had already gone to sleep for the night. 

 

William had wondered if Ronald would have an abrupt epiphany while he was away, and suddenly remember who William was. No such luck. From what William remembered of his childhood best friend, the boy had been a little bit thick, and not much had changed since then. 

  
The aspiring astronaut had early classes the next morning, and was gone before Ronald woke up. Things seemed to be convenient like this. The two did not see much of each other, and so no conflict was had. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron learns more about Will! 
> 
> tw bulimia themes !! take care lil beans  
> thanks for kudosing this story! be sure to leave a comment if you wanna see more!!

  
  


However, avoidance could not be total. 

 

Upon exiting his 3PM shower, William had been hit by the smell of food being cooked in his kitchenette. 

 

Ronald had discovered a lack of food in the dorm’s fridge and cupboards, and so had had to make an excursion to the nearest grocery store. He’d come back with a tremendous amount of stovetop ramen packs, but also things like rice, pasta, eggs, vegetables, spices, and seasonings. He was extremely handy in the kitchen and knew how to make food go far and last long.

 

Here he was at the stove purposely simmering away the broth from one of the ramen packs, which he had added green onions to. When William came out of the shower, Ronald had cracked a raw egg onto the delicious, hot noodles, and covered it up, keeping an eye on his wristwatch.

 

When he spotted William, he motioned him to come over. “Hey! How come there was like, no food in here?” he asked as he waited. “I just had to fill up the fridge and I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. Do you just eat in the food hall all the time or what?”

 

William had dressed in the bathroom, as he regarded his privacy quite highly. That was one downside to having a roommate; now he could no longer dress out in the open. Or…do any of the things one did when they had the place to themselves. 

 

He bristled a little when Ronald called him over, simply grunting in response to the blond’s queries. Grasping his cane with a steam-dampened hand, he limped over to the kitchen to see what horrid mess Ronald was making of his lovely clean kitchenette.

 

…Honestly, the food smelled  _ delicious,  _ and William eagerly peered in to see. Ronald was making this from…stovetop ramen? How unexpected.

 

After Ronald’s saucepan had been covered for hardly a minute and a half, he took the lid off and examined it. The egg had been cooked just enough that the clear parts had turned white, and that was enough for Ronald, who promptly reached in with chopsticks, broke the very runny yolk, and began mixing the noodles thoroughly into it.

 

“Smells good, huh?” Ronald asked with a proud grin as he transferred his meal to a plate. “I’ll make you some if you want; it takes like five minutes. Something pretty nice for broke college students like me, yeah? You can have this one and I’ll just make another.”

 

The brunet bit his lip. “…No, that will be quite alright, thank you,” he said simply, returning to his bedside where he removed his glasses and began to towel his hair a bit more thoroughly. Why was Ronald being so nice…?

 

Surely just trying to get on William’s good side so he’d be allowed to stay in such a nice dormitory as this. 

 

Despite his cool rebuttal, William’s stomach moaned for sustenance now that it was being teased. Making a small  _ tch _ sound, the crippled student got back to his feet and returned to the kitchen. Another coffee would deal with this issue suitably. 

 

“You don’t have to worry; I take personal property very seriously. I would never take anything that was not mine. Your food is safe.”

 

Ronald looked at him with a furrowed brow as he took his meal to the kitchenette’s breakfast bar and sat down to tuck in. “Well, I mean, I just kinda assumed you hadn’t been able to get any groceries in a while?” he replied nonchalantly. “I got no problem sharing food. I got this stuff for the both of us.”

 

He wolfed his food down fairly quickly. “Anyway, I’d let you know if I didn’t want to share like, an expensive snack or something,” he added. “So lemme just make clear right now that this is  _ our  _ food; all I ask is you like, buy a new thing if you happen to use the last of one, and I’ll do the same. Lemme tell ya, nothing’s more annoying than needing an ingredient while you’re cooking only to find out that you don’t have any…”

 

“I’m not touching your belongings,” came William’s flat reply. Ronald was as talkative as William remembered him. The older male was slightly irritated to see that Ronald had bought more than a week’s worth of food. 

 

He was clearly making himself right at home.  _ Bastard _ .

Having made his coffee, he sat at the breakfast bar with Ronald.

 

William instinctively cleared his throat when his stomach growled, to mask the sound. It was an automatic response now; he was used to doing it during his lectures too. 

 

He couldn’t help it; he was literally salivating over those stupid noodles.

 

Ronald heard William’s stomach growl this time, and he glanced sideways at him, giving him a significant look.

 

“…You know…you really  _ can  _ have some if you want,” he said, a bit of amusement in his tone. “It’s not a big deal at all for me to make you a plate. It’s really fine.”

 

For emphasis, he pushed his plate closer to William, giving him a meaningful nod. “Here, try a bite.”

 

There came a chirp from across the room as Bisou detected William’s stress. He felt cornered. “ _ I have allergies _ ,” the scientist declared, adjusting his glasses. “And intolerances. I have a very strict diet. Your offer is…appreciated, but surely you understand.” 

 

He looked away, rather red in the cheeks. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

 

“Normally I don’t care to ask about roommates who have yet to last the week. No point, really, they’ll just move on. You’re not really a special exception, but since we’re here, we may as well discuss  _ something _ .” 

 

Anything but food, that would be great. 

 

“Do you…have a job?”

 

“Huh? No, not right now…I’m basically gonna do school full time,” Ronald explained. “But before I came out here, I was a nurse at the local doctor’s clinic. It was pretty fun…got to see people and help people, and I like kids and kids like me.”

 

He tried to lean back in his bar stool, but with no back to his chair, he nearly fell over backwards and had to seize the countertop. Red-faced and a little flustered, he straightened himself back up.

 

“S-so yeah,” he muttered, embarrassed. “Nurse. Not gonna have time for that here while I’m studyin’ for my psych degrees.”

 

William sort of squirmed a little where he sat. He more or less would also have been one of those people, except…

 

“Well, I’ll have you know that I had a pediatric therapist when I was younger, and it did a world of difference for me. A lot of people won’t believe in you, but if you can make a difference for just one person, it’s worth it. Or…whatever such nonsense.”

 

Bisou sat on her back legs and let out a meow; a soft, pitiful thing that showed off her large lower canines.

 

“ _ Rowrr _ ,” she whined, flicking her tail.

 

William shrugged it off and got up.

 

“Are you hungry, my sweet…? I suppose it is your feeding time…”

 

Ronald let out a faint breath of a laugh. “Nonsense, huh?” he murmured. “Well…I’ve been telling myself that all along, to be honest. Like, I know it isn’t as jaw-dropping impressive as bein’ an astronaut, but…even if no one else believes in me, I’ll believe in myself. I’ll  _ make _ it worth it.”

 

He got up as well, taking his emptied plate to the sink and began scrubbing it off. “Ugh, I sound like a shonen anime protagonist,” he mumbled to himself. “Anyway…kids gettin’ therapy isn’t too common. I mean, I’m assuming here; sorry. But like…can I ask, uh…what made you get one? I’m just curious.”

 

He couldn’t help but wonder if William had had some fucked-up childhood that made him so cold and distant in his adulthood.

 

He wasn’t wrong. 

 

William glanced over his shoulder, surprised that Ronald had the gall to ask something so personal. 

 

The expression on the blond’s face had no hint of jest though, and William swallowed a little awkwardly. 

 

“Well, after you – I mean – ”  _ Christ, he’d nearly spilled the secret. _

 

“I had a severe, prolonged traumatic experience at the hands of a relative, when I was about 8. That’s all I intend to say on the matter,” William responded gruffly, limping over to Bisou’s food bowl and getting some dry food out for her from the bottom cupboard. “You shouldn’t ask things so bluntly to s...strangers.”

 

This answer alone opened up a world of possibilities of what could have happened, and Ronald’s imagination spared him no dirty detail. “Oh, Christ,” he said softly. “S-sorry, I mean…wow, you’re right, though – I don’t know why, I just feel familiar with you, like I can talk to you about stuff like this. Even if you’re a grumpy old man,” he added, trying to lighten the mood with a playful wink. “But, yeah – yikes. Wow. Okay. Sorry. I won’t ask again.”

 

Feeling like an ass, Ronald sheepishly rinsed his plate off, followed by the pan he’d used to cook his lunch. 

 

“But, but yeah, I’m…I’m really glad a therapist could help you get past that,” he offered. “That’s what I wanna do for people.”

 

He couldn’t help giving William a prolonged glance as the older man fed his cat. Something really  _ was  _ familiar about him, and Ronald tilted his head a little as he tried to reason why that would be. Maybe he was just had that sort of an effect on people?

 

“Appreciated,” William responded. With a sigh, he returned to his desk to start the assignment he’d been given today. It was getting more difficult to be bitter to Ronald; he was just a friendly, loveable chap who meant no harm. Same as ever.

 

William was conflicted to see Ronald last the week, and when that day came he grudgingly had to spend a good three hours moving his scarce belongings around to make room for Ronald’s things.

 

The blond would be pleasantly surprised.

 

While Ronald not remembering him was a constant irritation, William knew that him leaving would just be depressing…so he let him stay.

 

If things went bad, Ronald would be gone in a heartbeat.

 

All he was was a painful reminder of what a happy, carefree child William had been before Ronald left.

 

Before William had been taken.

 

Ronald  _ was  _ very pleasantly surprised when he returned to the dorm the night of his seventh day. He brightened up immediately at the space that had been made for him, and eagerly began unpacking his suitcases (at last) to begin setting up his side of the room.

 

There really was a stark difference between Ronald’s tastes and William’s; Ronald packed all of his books on his desk like his roommate, but unlike William, Ronald’s desk was decorated with a few colorful anime figurines posing cutely, and he was fairly untidy. That shabby, threadbare dog plush had made its home on Ronald’s pillow, and above his bed he had hung up a large whiteboard that was positively covered with reminders – take meds, X class at X time, return stapler to X, homework X due Xday, text mum – but also had a photo affixed to it, which upon closer inspection turned out to be a painting of the mythical king Oedipus, with the caption “The Original Motherfucker” scrawled at the bottom.

 

(Ronald was very pleased with himself for the colorful joke.)

 

His favorite decoration he’d been dying to put up were some fairy lights around his bed, which were then obscured by a curtain that he’d fashioned himself, so that he could make a private, cozy nest out of his bed if he wanted to. He knew it was kind of effeminate, but gave absolutely no fucks about it. It was  _ cozy _ , damn it.

 

“Can’t believe it’s already been a week,” he commented gaily as he set up the curtain around his bed. “I’ve actually got a celebratory dinner in the oven right now, and I made sure it fits all your dietary needs you mentioned! Gluten and dairy free. I call it Simon and Garfunkel rice; it’s just brown rice baked with parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. Hehe…my mum invented it~ You’ll love it! You look kinda peaky, mate, so eat all you want!”

 

William had gone pink at Ronald’s last comment. How insensitive.

 

Bisou had been in his lap all day, the two of them watching in despair as Ronald made half the room his own with dolls and figurines and other nonsense.

 

The filmy curtain around Ronald’s bed seemed to be designed for one thing: So the blond could toss off to girly mags at night without being seen, surely…

 

William had eventually had to nap, overly distressed by the lack of order and organization on Ronald’s side.

 

He was not pleased to find out that he now was obliged to partake in a meal in  _ celebration _ of this chaos.

 

“Y…you shouldn’t just make food for people without their consent. It’s sort of putting them on the spot,” he grumbled, tugging his shirt sleeves past his wrists self-consciously.

 

“Huhhhh?” Ronald asked with exaggerated injury. “You’re the first college student I’ve ever met who  _ hasn’t  _ been happy to see some free food! C’mon, it’s just some rice and herbs; it’s not even anything fancy. I wanted to celebrate a little bit! Survivin’ the semester’s first week, us bein’ friends, all that good stuff! It’s better for you than a cake, anyway.”

 

He pouted, hunching his shoulders and glancing away. “Y’know…if you don’t like me, you should just  _ say  _ so. Y’don’t have to keep actin’ all prickly like you’re trying to chase me away.”

 

He couldn’t help but notice William’s telltale sleeve tugging, and he had definitely noticed his limp.  _ So young, and yet he needed a cane? Injuries from his childhood trauma? _ he wondered.

 

“I let you set your things up,” William responded with a frown. “So clearly I’m not chasing you away. We don’t have to be friends, anyway. We’re here to obtain higher education…that’s all. And if we can be civil to each other in the meantime, I will be content.”

 

Bisou had warmed up to Ronald over the past week, and now she brushed up against his leg elegantly, expecting pats.

 

“Rowww,” she declared, squinting her eyes at the blond.

 

“Not to mention,” said William, “some advice for you, shrink wannabe: What looks like prickliness to you may not be prickliness to me. Understand?”

 

He inhaled the scent of Ronald’s cooking slowly. Even if it was just rice, it was appetising. When had William eaten last…?

 

With a growling stomach, he sat at the breakfast bar and glanced out their window at the setting sun.

 

“Yeah, I understand, it’s just…it doesn’t feel right to not call you my friend,” he admitted, lavishing Bisou with attention. “It doesn’t make sense, I know…but I feel kinda…? Put off, I guess. It feels off if we’re not getting along. I know we don’t  _ have  _ to be friends, but I  _ want _ to be.”

 

The timer on the oven went off, and Ronald got up to go take the casserole dish out from it and set it on the counter.

 

“And…well, normally I make friends at parties and stuff, but you’re not the type, so I’ll go with the next best thing: food.”

 

He fanned carefully at the dish, smelling it with obvious pleasure. “Ahhh, not  _ quite  _ as good as my mum makes it, but I had to leave butter out ‘cause you can’t have dairy. It’ll still be good anyways, though. I really want you to try it; I think you’ll like it!”

 

Just William’s luck.

 

“There exist non-dairy variants of butter,” he commented lightly, adjusting his glasses. “Nonetheless…I’ll accept your peace offering…I suppose.”

 

It was three days ago since William had so much as nibbled a cracker. After that, he was sustained on coffee and the occasional cigarette. He was salivating all over again.

 

Bisou flopped on Ronald’s feet, rubbing her face along the skin, getting her scent on him, and when he had to move to serve their meal she was winding between his legs eagerly.

 

“It is Friday night,” William commented, pouring the both of them a glass of water. “I assume you have made plenty of friends by now. Don’t you have a party to be at…?”

 

He was genuinely curious.

 

“Well…I was invited to a few,” Ronald admitted. “But most of them are freshmen celebrating a parent-free environment for the first time and I’m kinda…? Several years older than most of them, you know? I’m starting uni pretty late compared to most kids. I know I don’t look it, but I’m turning 26 this year. I’d rather go to a party with other twentysomethings than with teenagers.”

 

This was a bit dampened by the fact that Ronald had Sailor Moon figurines on his desk at that very moment, and he was quite aware of that.

 

He coughed awkwardly.

 

“Anyway, I’d rather celebrate a week here without killin’ each other,” he added quickly, dishing out the baked rice onto plates. “I was lucky enough to get a dorm this nice assigned to me and you’re kinda grumpy but you’re nice enough. I like you!”

 

William cleared his throat, this time not due to his growling stomach but how awkward he suddenly felt. 

 

Those words, he’d heard Ronald say them before, many years ago. This time, they held quite a different meaning.

 

_ It was likely just as empty,  _ he thought bitterly, swallowing and politely folding his hands in his lap until it was time to eat. 

 

“You’d have more fun at a party than here,” he said under his breath, letting out an uncomfortable sigh.

 

Ronald set a plate and a fork down in front of William, and then in the spot next to him for himself. “Maybe,” he conceded, sitting down next to William. “But here I am! We’re gonna share this room for a long time, so let’s make it on good terms and not dread comin’ here. Okay?”

 

He smiled sunnily as he pulled his chair in. “Don’t you worry your li’l head; I’ll go to my fair share of parties! Don’t be so eager to get me into trouble, now~”

 

He patted the counter by William’s plate. “Don’t be shy! Dig in, have as much as you want!” he added, beginning to do so himself.

 

William gracefully took his first few bites,  nibbling away at the (surprisingly flavoursome) rice dish that Ronald had prepared. It seemed his roommate and old childhood friend was quite a skilled cook. Any other person would have been over the moon about it. Nonetheless, he managed a nod of appreciation and muttered, “Thank you; you’re clearly quite talented…” 

 

Ronald immediately brightened up, positively grinning from ear to ear. “No, thank  _ you _ !” he insisted. “My mum taught me everything I know.”

 

He began to dig into the rest of his dish. “I know it’s real simple, but I’m glad you like it. I’ll give you the recipe if you ever wanna make it yourself sometime. It’s nice an’ filling, so it lasts a good while, too. We usually have enough leftovers for a few more nights. So we can enjoy this tomorrow, too! And the day after,” he chattered as he ate. “You won’t go hungry.”

 

William paled a little at the thought. 

 

“A-ah, how…economic of you,” he muttered. “But I…was doing quite well on my own.” 

 

The rice certainly was filling, and tasty. Despite himself, William managed to finish at least half of what was on his plate. For him, this was an achievement. As was becoming increasingly obvious to young Mr. Knox, William was a  _ very _ picky eater.

 

“As for the recipe…I don’t really do a lot of my own cooking,” he admitted, adjusting his cold steel frames.  “It’s never been my forte. I do make a damn good coffee, though, so…if you would ever like one…” 

 

Ronald perked up. “Sure!” he replied eagerly. “I’ll be living on coffee and ramen soon, probably, but if I can at least get good coffee I won’t mind! You can make me good coffee and I’ll give you cooking tips. Fair enough, yeah? I’ll show you; it’s real easy.”

 

Ronald had already finished his plate, having wolfed it down, and started to get himself a new helping, but then hesitated and thought better of it.  _ Better to be a little hungry now than starving tomorrow. Pace yourself. _

 

“Anyway, in so many words, yeah! I’ll take some coffee when you make some. Thanks a million, Willion! Er – William,” he added quickly with an embarrassed blush. “Uhh…slip of the tongue. Ignore that.”

 

William promptly choked on his rice, trying not to laugh. Luckily he succeeded, but he did go quite pink. 

 

“If my name is causing problems, you can call me  _ Takaeda _ . It is my Japanese name,” he said amusedly, adjusting his glasses to hide his eyes. 

 

Having filled up on the rice, he set his fork down on the plate and pushed it a small distance back. 

 

“I have had sufficient to eat. Thank you once more, Mr. Knox. It was delightful.” 

 

Ronald’s blush turned even darker at this news. “Takaeda,” he repeated softly, quite distracted by William attempting not to smile. The entire week had gone by without Ronald seeing the man smile once, and here he was, trying not to laugh.

 

Ronald’s heart went a little weak at the sight.

 

There were about a million things he wanted to say right then, and it was probably fortunate that he couldn’t even say three of them before William spoke again.

 

“O-oh!” he flustered just a little. “Are you sure? You didn’t finish. Oh, god, I sound like my mum. But seriously, are you sure you’ve had enough?”

 

“I would know, wouldn’t I?” William retorted, raising a bit of an eyebrow at how red in the face Ronald seemed to be. “Er – are you alright? And…what would you like me to do with the remainder? I can toss it, or put it back in the dish if you wish to eat it later.” 

 

He would personally never eat food someone else had been munching on, but Ronald certainly didn’t seem the type to put things to waste. 

 

Ronald was positively scandalized at the very  _ idea  _ of wasting food. “Toss it? In the  _ bin _ ?” he asked, looking affronted. “Come on, man, we’re not wasting food here. If you’re sure you’re not gonna eat it, give it here,” he added, motioning with his hand to pass the plate over. “I’ll eat it. Trust me, I’ll make sure no food gets left behind.”

 

And sure enough, that’s what he did. He took his fork and began to eat William’s leftovers. “Toss it in the  _ bin _ ,” he echoed with an exaggerated sneer. “You insult me!”

 

But he gave William a little wink to let him know that he wasn’t  _ really _ offended – or at least not as much as he was pretending to be.   
  


William tilted his head. Social interactions were frustrating; he had no idea how Ronald felt about the situation.

 

There was a more pressing issue, in any case. He got up, limping over to the bathroom.

 

“ _ Ahem _ …I, uh…I apologize. Don’t worry about cleaning up — I’ll do it after a quick shower, alright?” 

 

Ronald blinked in surprise. “Huh? H-hey, where’re you going, Will? Are you mad at me? What’d…did I do somethin’ wrong?” he asked unhappily.

 

He didn’t expect William to leave so suddenly. Did he think Ronald was being serious…? Damn, and just when they were really starting to get along…

 

“Will, listen, don’t worry about the dishes; I’ll take care of ‘em, okay? I was just joking around! I’m not –  _ actually  _ that offended…”

 

William shrugged. “No, it’s fine, really. I like to shower after a meal…it relaxes me.”

 

He gave Ronald a small nod to say that it was not an issue if Ronald said that it was not, and promptly disappeared into the bathroom. After a minute or two, the shower began to run. 

 

“Okay…”

 

Ronald watched the door shut, not sure why he felt so…he wasn’t sure what, exactly. Unhappy, unsettled, unsure. He was certain that he’d hurt William’s feelings, which was something he had  _ not  _ wanted to do.

 

He’d wrapped up the leftover rice to put in the fridge and started washing the dishes when he thought he heard a strange noise coming from the bathroom, and turned in its direction. Curious, he shut off the tap and crept toward the bathroom, listening intently.

 

There certainly was a reason why William showered after every meal. It was less to do with relaxation and more to do with a  _ compulsion _ …a  _ need… _ and it wasn’t about showering. 

 

Though the shower was running, William was not in it. He knelt before the  _ pristine _ porcelain toilet, fully clothed, with two fingers down his throat. It was never pleasant, but it had to be done.

 

Face pale and damp with sweat, the PhD student brought up the meagre rice meal into the toilet basin, sharp and acrid, until there was nothing left to remove. 

 

Only when he had purged did he remove his clothes and retire to the shower. 

 

When Ronald realized what he’d heard, even with the shower running, he jerked back from the bathroom door, an unpleasant, hot flush washing over his body, accompanied by conflicting feelings of guilt, disgust, sympathy. Suddenly it made sense why he was so eager to get to the bathroom.

 

_ Oh, my god, I’ve poisoned him!  _ he panicked inwardly, impulsively patting his stomach down.  _ Shit, shit, what’s even in the rice that could’ve…?! I made sure I followed all his diet stuff! Oh, god, is it food poisoning? Am I next?! Shit. Shiiiiit! _

 

He realized that he felt fine, physically, so maybe it was just William’s very sensitive stomach? Regardless, he felt horrible; his cooking had never done that to anyone. Was William going to hate him now? Kick him out?

 

Ronald spent the duration of William’s shower at his desk trying to focus on some homework but being unable to, so he got up and put a kettle on. He was planning on making a cup of ginger tea for William, but, fuck, who was to say  _ this  _ wouldn’t poison him too? Should he call a hospital…?

 

William had come across a dilemma. He’d forgotten to bring his clothes with him into the bathroom for his shower, which meant he’d have to go and collect them in only a towel. 

 

As would make sense to assume, following what he had just done to himself, William was not comfortable with people looking at his body. 

 

“Damn it,” he whispered, a thick wave of unease coming over him. He looked anxiously around the bathroom for more towels to swaddle himself in, but there was only the one.  _ Damn it, damn it, damn it…!  _

 

It…couldn’t be helped, then. Firmly fastening his towel around narrow waist, William exited the shower. 

 

With all the grace and dignity of royalty, (with a limp, anyway) he crossed the dorm to grab his clothes, head held high. William was tall, toned, but…something was off. His skin seemed to be pulled too tightly over his form, leaving visible ribs, hips and clavicle. Not to mention the numerous scars on his forearms. 

 

When Ronald heard the bathroom door open, he leaped up to his feet and grabbed the mug he’d intended for William. “Will, I’m so sorry; are you o – ” he started, only to very nearly plow directly into him. When he righted himself, he realized William was naked save for his towel, and Ronald’s face became red as a tomato. “ – k-kay…?”

 

He couldn’t help it; he looked William up and down in that split second while he was so tongue-tied. He hadn’t realized that William was so  _ skinny _ , and those scars…what on earth had William been through?

 

“Oh,” he said softly, staring even though he didn’t mean to.

 

William narrowed his cold blue eyes.

 

“Are you quite finished?” he asked, brushing past Ronald just as heat began to creep into his cheeks.

 

The first thing he did was throw a fluffy gown around his shoulders, concealing his form, then proceeded to dig for clothes.

 

Of course the boy would stare. Everyone always did. In fact, the one place someone would have expected to find scars was the place that there were none: his crippled leg.

 

“Oh – !! God, sorry – I didn’t mean to stare,” Ronald swore, following William. He held the (thankfully empty) mug against his chest and began fussing. “I – listen, William, I’m so fuckin’ sorry I made you sick! I made sure there was nothin’ in the rice that you were allergic to; did I miss something? Are you gonna be okay? Listen, I put the kettle on and there’s a thing of ginger tea in here, I want you to take it!”

 

He thrust the mug out to William, a little insistently pressing it into his hands. As he did, his gaze lingered again; this time around William’s wrists and forearms. Though they were covered by a bathrobe now, Ronald had still seen the numerous scars, and it was all too obvious what they were.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered again. “I’m sorry…h-here, take this tea. I’m so sorry I made you sick…”

 

William was bright red with shame right now.

 

This kid must have super hearing. The shower trick always worked before this…!

 

“Stop,” he said flatly. “I don’t know what you think you heard, but I assure you that the meal you prepared did not make me sick at all. Please take a moment to recompose yourself.”

 

Having gathered his clothes into a neat little bundle, William straightened up, towering over the concerned young blond.

 

“I apologize for showing an indecent side to you…I usually bring my clothes in with me.” He set the mug on his bedside table disinterestedly and headed back towards the bathroom.

 

Ronald hesitated, feeling conflicted. “Wha…? No, I…but I heard you gagging in the bathroom,” he mumbled, following William like a little duckling. “I know I did. Are you  _ sure _ you’re okay? Maybe have some tea just to be safe. I have peppermint too if you’d rather have that.”

 

Ronald  _ knew  _ he hadn’t just imagined things. The sound had been unmistakable. William was clearly trying to hide something, and Ronald knew it, but he was too worried right now to respect his privacy and let it go.

 

“Look, if you’re just tryin’ to be nice an’ not hurt my feelings or anything, you don’t need to,” he insisted. “If it made you sick, I need you to tell me, okay?”

 

“And if you did make me sick, you can rest assured that I would let you know. But you didn’t, so it’s fine,” William replied, his eyes flashing a warning.

 

“Please. You’re in my personal space.” He turned his back on little duckling Ronald and went into the bathroom to dress.

 

With that done, he exited, and left the door open to let the steam dissipate.

 

A faint frown of irritation formed on his face; he’d been intending to go to the library to keep Ronald off his back for a few hours…but the library would have closed by now.

 

Damn.

 

Ronald finally backed off, still feeling horrible about the whole thing. He was completely certain that William was lying about being sick in the bathroom, but starting something over it wasn’t going to be worth it. William seemed adamant and Ronald didn’t know him that well to risk pressing on.

 

This was a really nice dorm, after all.

 

Also, William was extremely handsome and Ronald’s gay heart would be broken to be removed from such beauty.

 

When he retreated to his desk to focus on his homework assignments, he kept finding his mind wandering off to William’s scars. His roommate had mentioned a difficult childhood, and therapy had been involved…Ronald couldn’t help but wonder just how deep the psychological scars were.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ronald faces a childhood fear! lucky william knows exactly what to do.
> 
> mild omo (no wetting or anything) 
> 
> mild nsfw ;)

They didn’t speak of what happened again. Another week passed without incident as they went back to their daily routines of not really seeing each other that much, and not sharing meals.

 

For William, he was getting into his course content quite heavily now, and that meant always being busy. It made it easier to keep avoiding Ronald, who still did not remember him.

 

That fact grew more and more frustrating with each day.

 

However, William remembered Ronald. And that fact came in handy one night, when gale-force winds were slamming the county.

 

Shame and embarrassment kept Ronald from interacting with William very much, and starting to really dive into his classes kept him plenty busy, as well. He often spent most of the night studying (though of course he could get easily distracted and wound up browsing social media on his laptop and phone more often than not) and wouldn’t climb into bed until dawn. Luckily, he could get away with with his night owl tendencies. Most days he didn’t have any classes until the afternoon, so he was able to sleep in, and that suited him just fine.

 

This night, however, he could neither study nor sleep. As soon as the wind had begun to pick up, Ronald had abandoned his homework and climbed into bed in his clothes, shutting his curtain and pulling his blanket over his head.

 

Nope.

 

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

 

Not dealing with  _ this _ shit, no  _ sir _ .

 

This university was old, as were the dorms, and the walls and windows were rattling deafeningly from the roaring wind and pounding rain. It felt like the building was made of cardboard and would get ripped apart any second.

 

William, who had spent the last several years here, was more than used to the occasional semi-hurricane. It was all about the university’s location, high up where it wasn’t protected by the nearby valley from harsh winds. Often, when the storms came, his mind had wandered back to the boy who had confessed his love to him in fourth-grade, because William remembered every single thing they’d ever talked about. 

 

He knew that Ronald had been afraid of storms. And, not to his surprise, that fact hadn’t changed. 

 

The brunet had stayed up late that night, keeping his light on to study. But truthfully, when he’d seen Ronald’s concern over the coming weather, he knew it would help if he kept the light on at night. He wouldn’t be so frightened. 

 

The poor boy hadn’t even got his pyjamas on…he was just  _ hiding _ . 

 

Late into the night, William did his work, and every so often, he’d hear whimpering, especially after a clap of thunder. ….He sounded…terrified.

Ronald  _ was  _ terrified.

 

It was a fear he’d never managed to grow out of, and he hated it, and he hated himself. He knew the light was on; he just figured that William somehow forgot to turn it off before he went to sleep.

 

The worst part of it all was that Ronald really,  _ really  _ needed a piss. He was just too cowardly to venture out from the bed, and the storm was showing no signs of subsiding anytime soon. So for now, he was trapped here, holding himself like a little boy.

 

He  _ felt  _ like a little boy, holding himself, hiding under the covers from a storm, wishing for his mum. It was damned humiliating…at least William was asleep (as far as Ronald knew).

 

After about an hour of this, it became clear to William that having the light on wasn’t doing shit for Ronald’s fear. The brunet was dead tired, and he wanted to go to bed, so with a sigh, he got up from his desk.

 

Ronald was still shivering and whimpering; William could see his shadow through the curtain, especially when the lighting flashed. 

 

There was one last thing he could think to do for the poor boy; it meant a glass of warm milk, infused with honey. 

 

Once he’d prepared it, he went to Ronald’s bedside, gently parting his curtains. 

 

“Ronald…excuse me, I couldn’t help overhearing…”

 

Ronald startled a little and poked his head out from his blanket fortress, looking pale and exhausted. “Oh…oh, god, I’m sorry, did — did I wake you up?” he asked hoarsely. “I’m sorry — I’ll be quieter, I’m j-just…h-having a bit of a rough night, that’s all…didn’t mean to bother you with my shit.”

 

Guilt shot through his heart; William was probably so irritated.

 

Thunder clapped nearby and a terrified little squeak escaped the blond, and he disappeared back under his blankets, shivering badly.

 

William frowned. 

 

“Wait,” he muttered, shifting uncomfortably. “I brought you a glass of warm milk. It should help you calm down. Come on.” He set it down on Ronald’s bedside table. “I know you’re afraid. Just drink up.” 

 

Ronald peeked out from under his blankets again. Warm milk…just like his mum used to make for him on nights just like this.

 

He sat up carefully, wearing one of his blankets like a hood, and glanced up at William with trepidation. “Th…thank you…but…why’re you doing this for me?” he asked quietly, squirming as he reached for the warm cup.

 

William stared the man down, his jaw set firmly. He only knew Ronald had warm milk during storms because Ronald himself had confessed it at their very first sleepover. If that hadn’t clued Ronald in, he’d probably never realize.  _ How disappointing... _

 

“…I’m doing this because…I-I’ll never be able to sleep, with you whimpering like that…” he uttered, flushing a bit pink. “Go on. You’ll feel better.” 

 

_ Of course I’m bothering him _ ,  Ronald thought miserably as he brought the cup to his lips with shaking hands.  _ I can’t get a grip during this damn storm... _ “I’m s-so sorry,” he mumbled over the rim after he’d had a sip. It was so warm and sweet and soothing, just like he remembered, and he couldn’t help shutting his eyes to let the flavor wash over his tongue.

 

Just tasting it prompted him to relax a little; it was comforting and reminiscent of home. Aw, christ, he really did miss his mum. He clutched the cup tightly with both hands, trying to look casual, but it was especially difficult now that he’d broken out into a nice bout of homesickness on top of his storm induced anxiety.

 

“Th…thanks so much,” he uttered, distracting himself with another sip from the cup, rocking back and forth a little. “I…it’s…a-almost funny…you do warm milk too? My mum’s done this for me for years…”

 

William stared pointedly at him.

 

“Isn’t that a coincidence,” he said dryly, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  _ You damned simpleton…  _ “Does she put honey in it too, by any chance?”

“Yeah, s-she always put honey in it,” Ronald uttered as he continued to sip from his cup. “Always heated it together with the milk in a saucepan…”  
  


However, as William watched Ronald sip his milk, he couldn’t help beginning to wonder.

“Is…everything alright? You look like you’re going to throw up. Sh-should I fetch a bucket or something? I — I’m sorry, I should have considered — milk is the last thing you need if you’re not feeling well…!”

For once, William could kind of empathise with how Ronald must have felt after the rice meal that day. And, like with Ronald, there was a falsehood in the situation.  
  


Ronald's face was burning hot already, and he could feel the heat creep down below his collar at William’s followup questions. “O-oh — no, that’s — not it at all,” he mumbled in embarrassment, rocking his hips from side to side, grinding his thighs together. It was fucking hard not to hold himself at this point; he was trying to hold a cup without shaking at the same time as trying to look casual. He was succeeding at neither of those things.

 

“I…actually…I…”

 

Ronald gulped silently, not wanting to look William in the eyes.

 

“...Actually, I really need to use the bathroom,” he confessed, face growing hot.

 

There was a fair silence on William’s end. 

 

…Well, it made sense…all the squirming and shaking…

 

“You’re joking,” he muttered when he finally found his voice. “…Idiot, why haven’t you gone? Are you so scared of the storm that you’d rather  _ wet yourself?”  _

 

“ _ No _ !” Ronald protested, turning scarlet with mortification. “I’d  _ not  _ rather do that! I’m just...! I’m freaked out, okay? I don’t wanna get up an’ crawl to the bathroom like this...”

 

He peeked one eye out from under the blanket, cheeks burning, and pouted, clearly embarrassed, “…at least not by myself.”

 

William bit his lip. 

 

“…F-for god’s sakes,” he huffed. “Come on, get up. I’ll take you, but if you dare piss your pants on _my_ _dormitory floor_ there will be hell to pay.”

 

He took the milk from Ronald and set it aside, then grasped his cold, clammy hand. 

 

_ Oh, gross.  _

 

“There is no  _ logic _ to this fear of yours,” he grumbled. “If you think I’m going to stay up with you every night there’s a storm, you’re sorely mistaken.” 

 

“C'mon, mate, I  _ know _ it’s an irrational piece of shit but my brain doesn’t exactly give a fuck,” Ronald grumbled right back, red hot down to his collar. He slowly closed his hand over William’s regardless, and he almost paused for a split second.

 

Why did William’s hand feel…familiar? It must have been when they shook hands upon meeting, Ronald tried to reason, but somehow it felt…deeper than that.

 

A powerful gust of wind slammed into the building, shaking the ancient floorboards, and he whined quietly from the back of his throat, yanked from his thoughts and back into reality, where he was small and afraid like a little boy in this storm.

 

Pathetic. Still reduced to  _ this  _ every time…he was supposed to be a fucking adult.

 

In front of the bathroom, William opened the door for Ronald and turned on the light. “Come on; you’re almost there.”

 

For the life of him, he couldn’t have explained why he was hard as a rock. Probably just the adrenaline…? That made sense.

 

Realizing they’d been holding hands the entire time, William let go like he’d been zapped. “ _ Knox _ !” he barked. “Go, already!”

 

Rigid, Ronald slowly began to slide his foot onto the bathroom tile, only for a brilliant white flash to fill the dorm room. His hair stood on end, partly from nerves and partly from static. And then, deafening thunder rolled over them so brutally loud and  _ powerful _ that they could feel it vibrating in their very bones.

 

Ronald’s response was to cry out in terror and throw himself at William in a panic, clinging tightly to him and burying his face into his shirt.

 

It had been completely impulsive and instinctive, and somewhere deep down, he balked a little at the bold intimacy of it. William was still practically a stranger.

  Ronald had to wonder, though. There were some things about William that seemed so familiar, but it was as out of reach as a long-forgotten dream. He couldn’t shake the sensation of déjà vu, the       certainty that he’d hugged William like this before, a very long time ago.

 

He looked up at him, trembling from head to toe and eyes misty, searching William’s glacial eyes for familiarity. For even one hint.

 

The moment felt unbelievably tense. William’s arms had wrapped intuitively around his frightened friend, shielding him from the storm. Their eyes met, and William was sure that for a split second, Ronald had started to recognize him. 

 

William’s gaze softened after the initial shock. Sweet Ronald felt so right in his arms, clinging to his shirt like the frightened child he was. 

 

_ Too close _ .

 

There was absolutely no way Ronald couldn’t feel how hard he was, but no words would come from William’s mouth to defend himself. Instead, his eyes dropped to the blond’s lips, parted nervously to draw fearful little gasps of breath. 

 

“I-it’s alright,” William whispered, his grip tightening into a gentle squeeze. “I’m here.” 

 

Rain began pattering against the windows, droplets streaking down the old glass. That sound was the only thing they heard for one long moment, with neither of them speaking; only looking and feeling.

 

Ronald’s hips were square up against William’s, and he gasped quietly when he realized he was feeling probably the hardest erection he had ever encountered in his life. What was  _ this _ ? William was turned on by this? Not that Ronald was complaining a bit. His heart stuttered a little in his chest, and he swallowed back a lump in his throat.

 

Those gentle words, too…Ronald was melting. He was safe, and protected by this devastatingly handsome man, this defrosting ice king. He gripped William’s shirt just a little tighter, gazing up at his lips…

 

That little squeeze was just enough to remind Ronald’s body of its predicament, and combined with the relaxation that he’d found, almost caused the scenario he’d been trying so hard to avoid.

 

Ronald went positively scarlet, and he tore himself away from William, grabbing himself and staggering backwards into the bathroom.

 

“S-s-sorry!!” he cried as he slammed the door shut. 

 

William opened his mouth to respond, but Ronald had already shut the door in his face. 

 

Cheeks burning with embarrassment, William turned back to his bed, and hurried over to change into his pyjamas while Ronald relieved himself. He hoped the poor boy had managed to make it in time. 

 

But…for a moment…it had almost seemed as if Ronald wanted to kiss him. And William realized that he had wanted to kiss Ronald too. In fact, if Ronald needed the restroom, maybe they  _ would _ have…? 

 

Well, if Ronald hadn’t needed the restroom they would not have been in that situation.  _ …Thank god for Ronald’s bladder, then…? _

 

William flopped on his bed in just his underwear as the realization hit him that he was still very much in love with sweet Ronald, and that he wanted more than anything to take care of him. 

 

Thankfully, Ronald  _ did  _ make it to the toilet in time, but it was  _ far _ closer a call than he would have chosen.

 

He sighed when he left the bathroom, leaving his fly open since he was just going to change into pajamas anyway, but then froze when he laid eyes on William.

 

In his underwear.

 

With the most amazing boner Ronald had ever seen, straining through thin fabric.

 

Ronald blushed almost violently, staring once more, mouth hanging open a little in surprise. His own loins stirred at the sight, and he shivered pleasantly, entirely forgetting to get his change of clothes.

 

Hearing Ronald exit the bathroom brought William back to his senses. The brunet startled sharply when he caught Ronald’s eyes on him and fell off the bed in surprise. 

 

“I — I’m getting dressed!” he cried, hiding behind the bed.  _ God, _ he was hard. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be back so soon…” 

 

Thunder growled nearby, and he poked his head up curiously to see if Ronald was going to be okay or not. 

 

_ Oh _ …he hadn’t entirely made it, after all...

 

Ronald finally had the decency to avert his gaze, and he quickly strode over to his dresser drawers for a change of clothes. “U-uh — s-sorry, didn’ mean to stare,” he mumbled as he got clean boxers and a t-shirt out. 

 

Before he could say anything else, thunder rolled once more and the next thing he knew, he was kneeling on the floor and clinging to his dresser. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ . When it passed, he frantically kicked off his clothes before literally diving into his bed and hiding under the covers.

 

“Fuck on a stick,” he snapped, voice muffled under the blankets. “Jesus Christ in a taxi cab.”

 

William too had been dressing frantically, and he was nice and warm in his pyjamas in record time. 

 

“…Don’t forget your milk,” he offered after the two had had a moment to recollect themselves. “You don’t want it to go cold, a-after all…”

 

Was Ronald really going to be okay by himself? …Well, it wasn’t William’s place to ask, so he quietly went about his nighttime rituals instead — albeit, with an awkward gait intended to conceal how hard he still was. Oh, god, go away, go away….

 

There was a moment’s silence, and then a hand appeared out from the blanket nest, pawing blindly at the bedside table for the cup of milk. It was located, and the blanket nest shuffled closer, and Ronald sat up a little to drink the rest.

 

When he’d emptied the cup, he curled back up, peeking out from the blankets. “…Will you stay up with me until I fall asleep?” he asked, gaze averted. “I, I know this is awkward as all shit but…I just don’t wanna be alone.”

 

Well, William had not expected this.

 

“I…I’m not going to sleep in your bed, if that’s what you’re asking,” he uttered, bright pink and staring over at Ronald from where he sat in bed with his tea, reading a book before bed.

 

Well, such a thing would not have been  _ bad _ , but that was for lovers…!

 

It was cold, from the storm, and William didn’t want to get out of bed now that he was already comfortable. But Ronald looked so damn pitiful…

 

What could he do…?!

 

Ronald was blushing like a little schoolboy, and he yanked his blanket back down over his face in embarrassment. “I-I wasn’t!” he protested hotly. God, only couples did that! William was a fine piece of ass but they definitely weren’t together.

 

“I just wanted you to like…just sit with me until I fell asleep. Like drag a chair up by my bed or, or whatever,” he trailed off in a sulk. “Just… _ being _ there…”

 

William swallowed his embarrassment after a few moments of staring at Ronald in disbelief. Finally, he closed his book, carried it and his tea over to Ronald’s bedside, and pulled up a chair.

 

“Very well, Ronald. I will sit here with you until you fall asleep, but then I really do need to rest. It’s already past my bedtime.”

 

His heart was fluttering still…Ronald looked quite adorable when he was embarrassed. Like just before, in front of the bathroom, the way he’d had to break away and make a run for it….

 

Shit. That was the  _ last  _ thing William needed to be thinking about.

 

Ronald’s own heart was racing, and it wasn’t as much from the storm anymore. He sank back down onto his pillow, a few locks of golden hair peeking out from under his blanket, and watched William pull up a chair. It was hard not to glance down at the man’s crotch; he was still hard.

 

Ronald didn’t really dare bring that up. But damn if it wasn’t a treat for the eyes.

 

“I’ll make it up to you,” he mumbled as William sat down. “I’ll owe you one, okay?”

 

Ronald groped around on his bed for the scraggly, threadbare old plush dog, and when he found it he held it close to his chest. “What’s your book?” he asked William to distract himself. “Space stuff?”

 

William tried his best not to be perturbed by the fact that he’d gotten hard again. He just pulled his blanket around himself, folded his legs, and reopened his book. “Heh. Usually you would be correct in assuming it is ‘space stuff’, but right now I’m just reading a sci-fi horror series.” He said this with no small measure of embarrassment; it always made him feel a little childlike to admit.

 

“Scifi, huh?” Ronald asked interestedly. “I always thought astronauts didn’t like it ‘cause of all the inaccuracies. God knows I get pissed off at Hollywood mental illness…”   
  


William’s eye caught the plush toy, and he blinked in surprise. That dog…how hadn’t he realized…?!

 

It was so old and worn that he hadn’t recognized it at first, but without a doubt it was the one he himself had given Ronald for his 7th birthday.

 

“That…dog. Where did you…get it?”

 

But when William drew attention to Ronald’s plush dog, Ronald blinked in surprise and glanced down at it.

 

“Sergeant Barksworth?” he asked incredulously, and then smiled wryly. “Why? You want one?”

 

He chuckled to himself and held the worn dog a bit closer. “I can’t remember exactly…he was a present from a friend when I was a little kid. I haven’t thought about it in ages…but…I do remember that that friend was really important and special. Ironic since I can’t remember what his name was, right? But I do remember he liked space, just like you. Goin’ on about black holes and nebulae and red giants. He loved the stars. We wore the fuck out of some old educational video tapes back in the Nineties, lemme tell ya…”

 

William was hit by nostalgia at the fact.

 

“Ah, that’s right, I rem —”

 

He caught himself just in time. So Ronald didn’t remember his name. If that was the case, no wonder it wasn’t clicking with him. And it probably never would.

 

“I used to enjoy tapes like that, too. I guess that’s quite a coincidence. As an astronomer, I’ll be the first to say…it is a small world.”

 

He adjusted his glasses and took a comforting sip of tea. Ronald seemed much more content with William at his side…it was far better than seeing him so incredibly distressed.

 

“It really is, isn’t it?” Ronald murmured, failing to pick up on William’s true meaning. “We’re so small. Y'know, Douglas Adams said it best: ‘ _ Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. _ ’ Personally, if I think about it for too long, I have an existential crisis.” He sighed and rested his chin on Sgt. Barksworth’s head. “Like when we’re so small and so alone, you wonder what the point of everything is. But…that’s pretty depressing. At least we’ve all got each other, right?” He trailed off and looked away. “Anyway, I miss those tapes…they were pretty fun,” he added. “I’m also pretty sure that one of them was narrated by Patrick Stewart, too, which is cool.”

 

William hummed while Ronald chattered on. The blond seemed content now. He could more than attest to the existential crises that came with pondering the universe; it was part of why he was becoming an astronaut. He’d told Ronald as much when he was just a child…but the blond had forgotten him forever.

 

For the next twenty minutes William stayed by Ronald’s side, reading his book. As he was finishing the end of a chapter, he glanced up and saw the blond was dozing gently.

 

Quite sleepy himself, William silently slipped off to bed.

 

Ronald curled up in his blanket nest, dead to the world and the storm raging outside. He meant to thank William for distracting him, but it slipped his mind as he fell asleep.

 

He’d certainly thank him later. Not just anyone could calm Ronald down during a storm.

 

Now on his mind as he slept was that childhood friend whose name eluded him. He couldn’t even remember the boy’s face. But what Ronald did know was that he’d liked him terribly, and he’d even dared to kiss him before he moved away. He couldn’t remember how his friend reacted to it.

 

It had been so long ago. Everything was hazy, even in his subconscious, and it was going to frustrate the hell out of him in his waking moments.

  
If only he knew how much it was frustrating that friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> violence, self harm tw . please review if you enjoy <3

 

Ronald remained oblivious, even as week after week ticked by. Around the middle of the term, he and William had at least become fairly good friends; as far as one could be with William, in any case. 

 

But while their relationship developed as friends, William only became more and more frustrated that Ronald didn’t remember him, and he’d essentially given up hope that he ever would. He was tired of dropping small hints to jog Ronald’s memory; the blond was too thick. 

 

There was only one way to deal with that frustration, and that was to try and set his sights elsewhere. 

 

There was a man in one of William’s classes that had taken a definite liking to him —  A sweet, delicate flower named Alan Humphries. He was actually just a few years older than William, just reaching 40, but he was tiny, and the kindest soul William had ever met. One Friday, after class, he’d asked William on a date…and the lonely astronomer-to-be had accepted. 

 

When Alan arrived at their dorm to pick William up for their date, it was the last thing that Ronald had expected. He’d never seen or even heard of Alan Humphries, and yet here he was to…

 

“You — you’re picking up William on a  _ date _ ?” he stammered, trying to make sure he’d heard correctly. Why was his stomach twisting in knots…?

 

“Yes, that’s right,” Alan replied with a kind smile. “I do hope I’m not too early. You must be Ronald. Pleased to meet you…”

 

Alan was a slight man with a delicate constitution, frequently quite ill, and often in need of an inhaler at best, and an oxygen tank at worst. Today was one of his better days and he only had to carry his inhaler in his pocket. He much preferred that; the oxygen tank drew too many lingering, pitying glances.

 

“Oh. Hi,” Ronald said a little stiffly, feeling less than warm towards the sweet man. “Hey Will, apparently you have a date here.”

 

William exited the bathroom in one very handsome slate suit. He’d just finished combing his hair and adding a dash of cologne, and he stepped out elegantly. Without so much as a passing glance at Ronald, he took his cane and limped over to greet the man at the door. 

 

“Alan,” he said with a faint smile. “You’re right on time.” And how highly William thought of such a quality. 

 

The two of them made quite a sight — Alan with his oxygen tank or inhaler, and William with his walking aid. 

 

“Oh…that’s right. Alan, this is my roommate, Ronald Knox. Ronald, this is Alan Humphries, my classmate and good friend. He has been with me the last three years of the PhD.” William then adjusted his glasses, inwardly feeling quite smug. "I ought to have mentioned earlier; I quite exclusively date men. I hope you’re alright with that, and the fact that I bring them back here from time to time.” 

 

Frankly, what Ronald thought of it was irrelevant.  _ William’s dorm, William’s rules. _

 

“Oh,” said Ronald again. His heart was racing in irritation, and he felt mildly ill. “Good for you.”

 

Alan smiled nervously, habitually scratching lightly at his temple. “Ah…if I’m imposing at all, I’ll make us scarce,” he offered. “I understand you’re a student of psychology? Midterms are coming up, after all, and I’d hate to distract you from your studies.”

 

“No. It’s…fine,” Ronald muttered, who was clearly  _ not  _ fine.

 

Jesus fuck, William was gay and he actually went on  _ dates _ ? Why did Ronald feel so resentful…?! He himself was a raging homo; why the fuck would this be a problem?

 

“I’ll just be impressed if you find someplace he can actually eat,” Ronald went on quite rudely. “What with his sensitive diet and all.”

 

Alan blinked, a little taken aback. “Ah…? Does he…?” he worried, glancing up at William apologetically. “I had a vegan bistro in mind for dinner…would you prefer the cinema instead, then…?”

 

Ronald scowled at the thought of the two of them alone in a dark room. Nobody actually  _ watched movies  _ on dates. There was a reason Netflix and Chill was such a popular date idea these days. 

 

God damn them to hell. Ronald was fucking jealous.

 

A dark shadow came over William’s eyes as Ronald happened to blurt out his personal dietary habits in front of his date and potential boyfriend. 

 

“Thank you, for your  _ considerations _ ,” William hissed. “The cinema sounds lovely, actually,” he added to Alan, picking his bag up. 

 

“I do hope you’ll be alright without me for one night, Ronald. There might be a storm coming, and you were too scared to go to the bathroom last time, you almost wet yourself.” 

Ronald bristled, going absolutely crimson in shock and mortification, and he was left utterly speechless with rage.  _ How dare he _ ?!

 

William tilted his head back, grasping Alan gently by the elbow, and the two gentlemen strode out.  Poor William was scarlet with embarrassment over Ronald’s words and attitude. “Please excuse my roommate’s behaviour…he normally isn’t like this, I think…” he murmured. 

 

“Oh, my goodness,” Alan murmured, delicately covering his mouth with his hand as they walked away. “Is that so?  _ Will _ he be alright? It looks like there’s a bit of animosity between the two of you. I was under the impression you got along well with your roommate.”

 

Ronald finally managed to collect himself and gripped the door tightly, snapping to William, “well bugger off then, y-you bloody... _ Nancy-boy _ !!” before slamming it shut and locking them out.

 

Alan looked at the shut door with quite the look of surprise before slowly glancing up at William again. “Er…shall we get going, then?” he asked awkwardly.

 

William’s heart was pounding, his hand trembling on the cane. Staring the closed door up and down, he shook his head.

 

“…I…I’m awfully sorry, Alan,” he said with a sigh, running his hand through his hair. “I had no idea he was homophobic.” 

 

Along with the insult, Ronald’s attitude lead the brunet to conclude one thing, and that was that his roommate and long lost friend had a problem with him being gay. 

 

“…This could have been avoided if I’d told him earlier, I just didn’t think it was any of his business. Are you alright…?” he asked concernedly, touching Alan’s arm. 

 

“I’m fine,” Alan replied gently, brushing his fingers over William’s. “It  _ isn’t _ any of his business, frankly. However, he ought to get with the times.” He glanced over his shoulder at the closed door. “It’s strange, though. You don’t see many young people these days with that attitude. How unfortunate.” Alan sighed and straightened himself up, smiling appreciatively at William. “What about you? You’re the one he insulted…please, allow me to escort you off to the cinema for a nice distraction…”

 

On the other side of the door, Ronald sat hunched over on the floor, his back to them as he sulked. He  _ wasn’t  _ homophobic. It had just…slipped out. He was angry, and hurt, and lashing out had felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was none of  _ his  _ fucking business, he thought bitterly. William could date whoever he wanted. It wasn’t like Ronald had a monopoly over what William could do. Still, he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Ronald didn’t want to see William with other people. It wasn’t fair.

 

____________________

  
  


The date went better than William had imagined. Going to the cinema was a far better option than a vegan bistro, and Alan was excellent company. They’d had plenty of cinema snacks (as a ‘fuck you’ to Ronald’s remark about William’s diet) and they’d held hands in the cinema…something that made William feel like a schoolboy again. Maybe things with Alan could work out.

 

The large soda he and Alan had shared brought William into the bathroom after the movie, and while he was there, he made a stupid decision. Thinking of the things he’d consumed during the movie — a large popcorn, a bag of Maltesers, and the large soda, he was compelled to purge.

 

Ever since he’d learned that Ronald could hear him being ill, William had had to change his habits, and now he relied on something less pleasant. He took a few laxative tablets in the stall, then washed his hands and returned to Alan. 

 

The initial plan had been to go straight home after the cinema, but Alan’s batted lashes and sweet little, _‘Would you like to come back to my place?’_ brought the two of them to Alan’s dorm for another two hours. This, of course, was not wise. 

 

William was a gentleman through and through…he did not do indelicate things in the presence of another. 

 

He didn’t even purge at home unless Ronald was either out, or asleep. 

 

To his immense shame, just when things were starting to heat up with Alan, he had to explain that he wasn’t feeling well and had to rush home. It was the worst timing in the entire world…and this was what his foolishness got him. 

 

It was just past midnight when William arrived back home, fumbling with the keys to the door while one hand clutched his terribly cramping stomach. 

 

Ronald had had a very long time to think about what had happened while William was on his date. Presently, he was hunched over his desk with two empty beer cans on the side and a mostly full one in hand. His study materials were getting more and more difficult, and he was stressed about the things he’d said to William and his date (who, rationally, Ronald  _ knew _ had done nothing wrong and hadn’t deserved such rudeness), and Ronald’s response to stress was to drink.

 

With two beers down and a third on the way, Ronald was nice and buzzed by the time he heard the lock being fumbled with. Not full drunk, but calmer, with inhibitions loosened. He looked up sharply when he heard the lock rattling, and hurried up to his feet. Shit, he  _ still  _ didn’t know what exactly he was going to say to William when he came in. Ronald was starting to feel nervousness creep into his gut all over again.

 

Actually, a burglar would have been preferable to trying to apologize to William, but Ronald couldn’t have everything.

 

William hurried inside, barely even noticing Ronald hovering anxiously nearby. He was covered in a nervous sweat, trembling, and each step twisted his insides. He dropped his cane, followed by his sidebag, and raised his head. 

 

Then he  _ did _ notice Ronald, and he sort of froze. Heat crept up his lower back uncomfortably, and he felt a bead of sweat run down his temple. 

 

God  _ fucking damn it _ , Ron wasn’t asleep. Whatever, William would just throw the shower on before he did what he had to do.  _ Please, for the love of god, leave me alone,  _ he thought anxiously, turning towards the bathroom.

  But Ronald blocked him, too nervous about himself to pay much attention to William’s state. He just needed to get this out  _ now _ .

 

“Will. Will, wait…listen, about earlier, I’m…I didn’t mean that,” he stammered apprehensively. “What I said was…it was real gross, you know? I d-don’t actually think that way. I’m…William, I’m…real sorry ‘bout tellin’ your date about your diet ‘n everything, ‘n being such a rude shit to him. I’m just — I dunno, I was just…not…thinkin’ clearly at all…”

 

Wait…why did William look so ill..? He looked clammy and pale. Had he gotten food poisoning on the date? An allergic reaction?

 

“W-Will, mate, are you alright…?”

 

The entire time, William was struggling just to remain standing upright, and subtly endeavoured to weave past his chattering roommate. But Ronald was  _ determined _ to get his thoughts out, no matter what. The poor brunet grasped his lower stomach, so fucking tense that he was afraid taking a single step would make his body betray him. 

 

“Ronald,” he uttered,  feeling light-headed at this point, “I-I need you to get out of the way…!” 

 

Ronald felt his blood run cold, and he took a step back, though not quite out of the way of the bathroom door. “Oh, fuck,” he whispered. “Are you gonna be sick? Let — lemme get you a bin — christ, you look pale…”

 

He staggered back into the bathroom and brought out the wastebasket for William, completely misunderstanding where the distress was going to go. “What’d that guy feed you?” he demanded. “Should I call a nurse or somethin’?”

 

_ Aw, hell, poor William didn’t seem to have any luck with food. _

 

Wiliam was a wreck, his thighs quivering. He was upset, distressed that he would lose control right here in front of Ronald, part of it was frustration at his own foolishness. He’d been so fucking stupid, using laxatives to purge. He should have known better.

 

“ _ It’s not that, you bumbling walnut _ !” he choked out, yanking his belt off right then and there, and pushing his way into the bathroom — wastebin be damned.    
  
_ Bumbling walnut _ …? That was a new one, Ronald thought in bemusement.

 

Miraculously, William made it to the toilet in time.  No more laxatives; Never again, he told himself, a few exhausted tears slipping down his cheeks. He would never, ever surrender his control to the whims of fate. 

 

Ronald didn’t have much of a choice but to step back and have a seat on his bed while he waited for William to finish his business. While he flopped down, he happened to catch a glimpse inside the wastebasket that he was still holding. It was empty save for one medicine packet that he didn’t recognize.

 

He fished it out of the trash, turning the packet over in his hands. The label described powerful laxatives, and all of the aluminum spaces had been punched out.

 

Ronald slowly looked up from the empty laxatives box and up at the bathroom door, things starting to click in place. William wasn’t ill at all. The taps…William had turned on the shower almost immediately after Ronald gave him something to eat, and he’d definitely heard him being sick that time.

 

Ronald’s gaze turned from the bathroom door to his desk, where he had a manual on eating disorders.

 

_ …Could William…? Was he lying about being allergic to so many things? He was purging instead? _

 

It was half an hour before William resurfaced, pale and understandably dehydrated. He’d splashed plenty of water on his face to cool himself down, and finally he was feeling better…for now. He’d had time to come up with an explanation, one suited to Ronald’s original theory: he’d tried something whilst out with Alan, and he’d had an allergic reaction to it. 

 

After a while, William frailly exited the bathroom, one arm out to support himself without his cane. Eyes firmly averted in shame, he collapsed on his bed and began feverishly downing a bottle of water. His head was spinning…he really had been lucky not to pass out in the bathroom.

 

As for Ronald, William doubted he would get out of this without a confrontation.

 

Ronald had picked up William’s discarded belt and moved to put it somewhere on William’s side of the room, though he couldn’t remove the mental image of William tearing it off so quickly. Heat bloomed in his cheeks, and he quickly tossed the belt aside, waiting for William to come out.

 

When he finally did, Ronald carefully approached him, laxative box in hand at his side.

 

“You okay?” he asked quietly, gripping the empty packet tightly.

 

William abruptly sat up, swinging his legs over the opposite side of the bed so he wasn’t facing Ronald. “I…I’m fine, now…thank you for your consideration, b-but I’m very tired, and I’d just like to go to sleep if that’s a possibility…” 

 

Christ, he couldn’t even look at Ronald; he was too mortified. It would have been less embarrassing if he hadn’t blurted out the fact that his bowels were the issue, not his stomach. 

 

_ Desperate times had called for desperate measures, though… _

 

Ronald turned the empty packet over in his hands and held it up, looking at it again. “I’m glad you’re okay, but…why would you do that to yourself?” he asked with a frown. “…I’m not gonna lie, Will; I just found this in the trash and it’s definitely not mine.”

 

He hesitated, and then glanced up. “You weren’t sick at all, were you? Or that time after the rice. You made it happen yourself.”

 

William’s head snapped to the side. It couldn’t be —

 

Oh,  _ fuck _ . It  _ was _ .  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck _ . 

 

If it was possible to go paler than he already was, he had just done so.

 

“I don’t think it is at all appropriate to rifle through people’s things and ask them such personal questions when it is, quite frankly, none of your business,” he answered, his tone clipped and curt. “After your behaviour today, it is high time for a revision of what sort of questions you have the right to be asking me. Just…go to bed, Knox.”

 

He couldn’t deal with this right now.

 

“It was in the  _ garbage _ ,” Ronald protested. “ _ Our _ garbage. I wouldn’t have even noticed if I hadn’t gotten the bin out for you ‘cause I thought you were gonna throw up. But — just — just how  _ stupid  _ do you think I am?!”

 

He crunched the packet in his hand and let it fall to the floor. “I’m worried ‘bout you all the time, ‘cause I never see you eat and then when you do you get sick. But now it all makes  _ sense _ ! Why’d you have to keep lying to me?” he demanded, heart pounding and eyes glassy. “Did…did you really think I wouldn’t notice something  _ eventually _ ? Why didn’t you just… _ tell  _ me what was wrong? I coulda respected that!”

 

He sniffed, adamantly  _ refusing _ to let a single tear fall. “I freaked out today and said some shit I shouldn’t’ve and I’m  _ sorry _ . But you don’t have to treat me like I’m some fucking imbecile, alright?!”

 

William adjusted his sitting position to face Ronald a little more head on. “Jesus christ, Ronald…” he began, shaking his head a little. His hands were trembling like leaves…he was in _no_ state to deal with this argument right now. Exhausted, dehydrated, sexually frustrated, and ashamed beyond all belief. 

 

The brunet snapped.

 

“ _ Do you ever fucking shut up? _ ” His eyes flashed angrily as he spat the phrase out.

 

“Your self-centredness right now is _ ridiculous.  _ I mean, how inflated does your ego even get? You find out your roommate has some issues, and your first thoughts are ‘me, me, me’. This is my business, my issues, my  _ life! _ Just because you forced yourself back into it doesn’t mean you get a free pass!” 

 

He clenched his fists — now he really was starting to feel some nausea. 

 

“Don’t you think I would have told you if I wanted to?! Why can’t you respect my goddamn privacy?” 

 

Completely shocked, Ronald took a step back and finally actually shut his mouth for a minute. He couldn’t even think of what to say; the whole time, it was William who he was worried about; not himself. Resenting being condescended wasn’t selfish…!

 

But something else William said caught Ronald’s attention, and his throat closed up.

 

“…What…what do you mean  _ back _ into it?” he asked in a whisper. “What’re you talking about?”

 

William opened his mouth to snap back at Ronald, only for his voice to die completely. 

 

…

 

He’d….

 

_ …He’d blurted it out….! _

 

The trembling brunet swallowed thickly, his eyes wide. “It t-turns out…you really _are_ that stupid, Ronald Knox,” he finally uttered. “I’ve had a gauge on your idiocy from the moment you walked in my door.” 

 

There was an abrupt meow, as William’s little therapy cat bounded across the dorm and into his lap. Tears prickled his eyes as he lay a hand on her haunches, drawing a small measure of strength from her warm fur. 

 

“It might have been easy for you to forget me, Ronald, but I thought about you every day of my life.”

 

Bisou headbutted William’s hand and rubbed her face all over it, staking her claim, and gently kneaded her claws onto his thigh. She gave him every last speck of her attention and more, purring against him to calm him.

 

Ronald, meanwhile, felt all the gears falling into place. Every hint William had dropped, every passive aggression, every last sign that Ronald ought to have noticed were now blaring at him brighter than neon.

 

He suddenly lost the feeling in his legs and slipped down onto the floor in an awkward kneel, staring up at William in disbelief.

 

His very first love — that boy he’d confessed to so long ago — he’d been living with him for over a month now, and thinking of him constantly this past week. How  _ could  _ he have been so stupid? How could he have forgotten the name of…?!

 

“…William Spears,” Ronald finally choked out in utter shock. “…You’re him? You’re…how — h-how could I’ve forgotten…?!”

 

William looked away, his jaw set hard. “Do you want to know what the  _ real _ kicker of the whole situation is? Right now, with you confronting me on my disorder?” He glanced sidelong at him eyes narrowed and brimming with tears. 

 

“I-it’s your fault I’m like this.  _ It’s all your damn fault _ . Of course I would never have told you.” 

 

Bisou let out a displeased mew — William was only becoming more distressed, and she didn’t know how to soothe him. The skinny, silky cat continually pushed her body against William’s, trying her best to calm him even if she didn’t know what to do.

 

“Wh — how is this  _ my  _ fault?” Ronald cried in shock, resentment and fury beginning to take him over once more. “If we’ve been apart all these years, how the hell is it  _ my  _ fault?! I’m not the one sticking fingers or laxatives down your throat! Y-you can’t…!! Just! Pin all this down on  _ me _ !”

 

He got back up to his feet, though his legs were weak and shaking madly. “Why didn’t you just tell me who you were?! It would’ve saved us  _ both _ this goddamn mess!!”

 

William stood up too, Bisou hopping off his lap with a yowl of protest, and the brunet circled around to Ronald, and he struck the blond across the cheek as hard as he could. 

 

He was officially 100% gone. 

 

“Watch your _dirty fucking mouth!”_ he shouted, fists clenched. “Just — shut up! If I say it’s your fault I _damn well_ _mean it!”_

 

Tears had openly spilled past his lashes, and he took another crippled step towards Ronald. “Everything wrong with my life is because of you. If you hadn’t  _ left _ …if you’d been with me that day….I would never have been taken. I would not have been ravaged, raped, abused, spat on, pissed on, beaten, burned,  _ broken _ ! I wouldn’t be broken at all!” 

 

He backed the shell-shocked blond into a corner, his injured leg quivering. Naturally he’d triggered the fuck out of himself while he was on this rampage.

 

“I wouldn’t have been  _ starved,”  _ he whispered, tears streaming down his pale cheeks. “Tell me, psychology student, are things starting to fall into place for you now?”  

 

The blond reeled when he was struck, the force of the blow knocking him to the floor. He scrambled backwards until he was pinned in the corner, grasping the impact point on his face and staring up at William with nothing less than terror, only growing into horror as he listened to him. He was left truly speechless in fear and shock, and his eyes suddenly filled and immediately overflowed with tears that snaked down his cheeks, past his quivering lips, and dripped from his chin.

 

What had  _ happened  _ to William? What had happened that day after he’d said goodbye to William and gotten into the moving truck with his mother? What had happened to him without Ronald there to protect him?

 

Cowering in fear, Ronald slowly shook his head, drawing in ragged breaths and trying not to sob. Never in his life did he think he would be afraid of William. Not William, who back then was so full of life and joy, whom Ronald loved more than anyone else in the world. Who it killed Ronald to leave behind.

 

Here he was, flinching and shielding his face when William made a sudden movement. William, who was so thoroughly broken and maddened that Ronald no longer recognized him. All the blond could think about was how to get away.

 

It had to be a bad dream. His mother would wake him up soon.

 

Ronald’s silence only angered William further. How  _ dare _ he play the victim? 

 

“ _ Say something!”   _ William ordered, grasping Ronald by the collar and pulling him up with strength he shouldn’t have possessed. “This is what you  _ wanted _ , isn’t it!? You wanted to know  _ everything! Well, it’s all out now!”  _

 

He wanted to hit him again and again — over two decades worth of hardened pain was cracking open inside him, melting, bubbling back up to the surface. 

 

"Say something, or you’ll regret it,” he whispered. He couldn’t keep hitting him, but his eyes could still stab Ronald like daggers. 

 

Ronald gasped sharply when he was grabbed, and immediately began trying to free himself, regaining his guts.

 

“L-let go of me!” he cried, pushing violently back against William. “I didn’t want this!  _ Any _ of this! I didn’t  _ know!  _ How  _ could  _ I have possibly known?! W-what, do you actually think I fucking  _ wanted _ what happened to you, much less  _ planned  _ it?!” He freed himself and shoved William away, hands raised defensively. “Do you think I don’t  _ already  _ regret leaving you behind without saying goodbye?! That thing I did  _ twenty years ago  _ when I was a stupid fucking clueless eight-year-old boy?”

 

He shook his head again, sniffling loudly and curling his hands into fists. “But what happened to you — “ he snapped, “ — what someone  _ else  _ did to you after I left, was not my goddamn fault! Don’t you dare blame me!”

 

William viciously shoved him back against the wall. “I  _ do _ blame you,” he hissed, “but I was content to let it go while you minded your own business. You  _ selfish _ little  _ cunt _ !” 

 

He’d worked himself up into a panic attack now, with memory after memory violently triggering him. He struggled to get his words out past his sobbing. The fact that Ronald was fighting back, pushing back at him, infuriated William. Without warning he struck Ronald once more, this time with a fully closed fist. 

 

“I would have let it go,  _ Knox!  _ The knowledge that you broke my heart that day, when I pleaded with you not to leave. But you did, and you never came back for me. You let me suffer. You ruined my life, and  _ I hate you for it! I hate you!” _

 

Ronald hit the floor like a ton of bricks after the second strike, and he saw stars. This time, it sank in that William really meant business, and Ronald understood that  _ his life was in danger _ . William was mad, delirious, out of control.

 

Ronald needed to get the fuck out of there.

 

His nerve died just as quickly as it had been born, and he pinned himself back against the wall, trying to crawl along it while half-blind from the pain in his head.

 

“G-get away!” he sobbed, batting weakly at William. “Get away from me — h-help…!”

 

“ _ Help?!”  _ William echoed, gazing down at Ronald with  _ utter _ disgust. “I remember that word, I used to ask it over and over, every day. I used to ask for  _ you _ !” 

 

He stalked over to the front door and threw it open. “Let me help _you_ , now. Go on. Get the fuck out of my dorm. Get out of my life!” he shouted, pushing him out the door with his shoe. He couldn’t possibly have slammed the door closed any harder; one of the nails even came out of the door hinge. 

 

He didn’t care if people heard. He didn’t care about anything right now. He felt nothing but incredible, overwhelming emotion, the likes of which he’d completely numbed himself to for so many years. 

 

It was too much. It was…too much.

 

It was never  _ Ronald’s _ life that was in danger…it was his own. Just like his last breakdown, when he’d accidentally stumbled across a photo of Ronald in his old things…the breakdown that had put the current scars on his wrists…it was going to happen again, right now. 

All it took was a minute, and the bathroom was painted in the same red that was obscuring his vision. In his right mind, he would never have done something so foolish. But right now, he was absolutely distraught, old wounds of the past torn open, and a freshly broken heart. There was no getting through. 

 

All the while, poor Bisou yowled endlessly, scratching at the entryway door, knowing her master was in danger. There was nothing she could do but hope that someone else would hear her.

 

Ronald half ran and half crawled away the moment he was able, running for his life to his nearest friend’s dorm. Concerned (frightened) dorm neighbors debated if they should call campus security based on what they had heard.

 

Before anyone else could arrive, Alan Humphries did, having had a sinking feeling about William’s abrupt departure following their date. It didn’t seem like him, and Alan was damned worried. His worries were confirmed when he arrived and discovered that the door was unlocked and ajar. Heart sinking, he hurried inside, only to be greeted by a sea of blood and an extremely distressed cat yowling by the front door for help.

 

“Bisou!” he uttered in fright — her paws were all bloodied from walking around in William’s blood, as was her face from her attempts to clean his wounds. She looked up at Alan and positively screamed at him, darting into the bathroom and back out again, tracking more bloody little paw prints behind her.

 

Alan hurried into the bathroom doorway, only to gasp in shock at the sight before him. It didn’t take a genius to see what had happened — or at least to understand that William had done this to himself — and Alan was horrified.

 

“William, no — ” he cried, kneeling down beside him and immediately attending to him. “It’s all right — you’re going to be alright; I’m here…stay awake for me, William, please…!”

**  
** William’s eyes fought to close, and he gazed up at poor Alan in a very disoriented manner.    
  
“T...tell Ronald I’m sorry…” he pleaded, before his head lulled to the side, and he was unconscious.  Now on his own besides William’s distressed therapy cat, Alan was quick to call for help. There was a clinic on campus, and security was able to get William down there while he was still alive. The medical staff there managed to get William stabilized, after some time, they moved him along to the city’s main hospital. Alan, who had been with him the whole time, found a way to contact Ronald and relay the situation and William’s request.

 

He didn’t press to know just what had gone down; he knew that William would tell him if he felt comfortable doing so, and Ronald wasn’t doing so well, himself. Alan wasn’t going to ask either of them to relive what had clearly been traumatic for the both of them.

 

Ronald was reluctant to show up and see William — the harsh words echoed again and again in his mind, and the side of his face had gone dark with a tremendous bruise that ached just being there. If he was blamed by William for everything that happened to him — if he was really so despised and stupid and worthless — then he didn’t want to subject William to his presence. It was only with Alan’s encouragement that he decided to go see William. He apologized profusely to Alan for his attitude the previous evening, and then he left.

 

Ronald’s explanation for his injury to his friends he’d run to was that he’d gotten drunk and fallen down some stairs. It was something that was very likely to have happened to him anyway; particularly getting drunk. His friends accepted it without a second thought.

  
Even after what happened, Ronald felt compelled to protect William. He knew him, and knew that if he got an arrest on his record, he would never become the astronaut he had always wanted to be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw mild incest

Ronald arrived at the hospital in a clean change of clothes, arms crossed tightly over his chest in nervousness. He was directed swiftly to William’s room, and stood outside it for a moment, trying to collect himself.

 

He took a deep breath, and then stepped inside.

 

William was not well, not at all. He’d only just come out of surgery (several hours worth) in which the doctors had attempted to reconstruct the veins in his forearms to allow blood to pump through. Without blood, his limbs would die, become gangrenous, and require amputation. Even having succeeded with the reconstruction, it was still possible he would lose sensitivity and some degree of movement; both of these things, along with the fact that he had done this to himself, posed a very real threat to his career prospects. 

 

There were no suicidal astronauts. There were no neurodivergent astronauts. 

 

The last person he wanted to see was Ronald Knox…the last person in the  _ entire world. _

 

But William had not regained consciousness, and therefore had no say in the matter. At least, when he finally woke up about an hour after Ronald first came in, his heart rate skyrocketed to dangerous levels — enough to warrant a nurse’s attention. He could ask her to throw Ronald out.

 

William was too ashamed — ashamed that he hadn’t died. 

 

Ronald sat in silence as he waited for William to wake up. He didn’t know how long William would be out, and he had classes that evening, so he’d brought his homework assignments with him, working with his textbooks in his lap. It was difficult; the subject matter was growing more complicated, he had a pounding headache, and he had a thousand different things on his mind. It was almost impossible to focus.

 

When William awoke, though, Ronald looked up and immediately put his homework away into his messenger bag so he could give William his attention.

 

“W…Will,” he uttered quietly, and swallowed back the lump in his throat. What should he even say? How was he? Was he okay? No, obviously not.

 

Eventually, he blurted in a whisper, “William, I’m so sorry.”

 

William quietly turned his head away from the side Ronald sat on. It was, at least, effective to hide the tears that had sprung to his eyes. He began to sob quietly, wordlessly…there was nothing he could or would say to Ronald. 

 

“G-go away. Please.”

 

Well, there was that. His chest shaking with painful, muffled sobs, he found he couldn’t even reach for the Emergency button; his arms felt like lead. He couldn’t deal with Ronald right now. Where was Alan?! He needed Alan…! What  _ fool _ let Ronald in here…!? 

 

Ronald swallowed thickly again, hunching his shoulders. “William…” he whispered unhappily, heart aching at the sight. “This is…I know it’s uncomfortable for both of us, but…I’m really… _ really _ sorry about what happened, what I said, a-and…I shouldn’t’ve…pushed you the way I did. I’m so sorry…”

 

He shut his eyes, biting his lip to try and stop his own growing tears.

 

“I’m sorry I forgot you. I’m r-really…I’m the worst. Forgetting someone as precious to me as you…”

 

“Go away,” William repeated, his voice breaking. He promptly buried his head under the pillow and began to cry in earnest. “I can’t. I can’t. Please go…” 

 

At that moment, someone else entered the room, wide-eyed and distressed. 

 

“Is this — is this William’s room?”

 

It was an older gentleman, late 50s, but handsome as hell for his age. It was easy to understand why: he looked exactly like William, except for having softer, kinder features. Even though they shared the same glacial blue eyes…somehow they seemed kind and warm on this man. 

 

Michael Spears, William’s biological father and closest friend.

 

“They said 22,” he chattered anxiously to Ronald, “and this is…. — sweetheart, is that you?” 

 

Ronald’s eyes widened when he realized who this man was; a man he hadn’t seen in twenty years. William’s father…William had grown up to look almost exactly like him. Why had he never recognized him…?! Michael Spears had hardly aged a day.

 

“A-ah — ” he stammered, resting a hand on the bed. “No,  _ this _ is William,” he added dumbly, too tired and, frankly, too hungover to realize he was not the one who had been spoken to. “I’m —  _ I’m _ Ronald Knox, sir…h-his, uh, his flatmate...”

 

Ronald was already on the verge of tears, but hearing William’s broken sobs made them spill over. “This is — it’s my fault, sir,” he choked. “I’m so sorry…”

 

Michael, of course, didn’t think the blond youth sitting beside the bed was his son, but he was equally surprised to discover… _ this boy _ … 

 

“ _ You _ ,” he uttered.  _ Ronald Knox.  _ The name no therapist of William’s was unfamiliar with. 

 

He peered quickly around Ronald’s frame to see his adult son hiding under his pillow in shame. Immediately, Michael knew it could have been no one else; William had done this exact thing multiple times in his life. It was his go-to method for comfort when he had nothing else.

 

“…I guess that explains everything, then,” Michael breathed, taking a seat beside poor Ronald and putting a hand on his shoulder. “You won’t get much out of him like this,” he said with a sad smile. “Take it from someone who has learned from experience…he just needs space.”

 

Ronald sniffled, trying to draw comfort from Michael’s affectionate gesture. “But it’s really all my fault, isn’t it?” he choked. “Everything. None of this woulda happened if it weren’t for me, right? I just — I dunno what else to do.” He sniffled again and wiped his eyes onto the palm of his hand. “I forgot all about him. He’s hurt because of me. I can’t ever make it up to ‘im; not in a million years.”

 

“That’s not true at all,” Michael replied, his arm wrapping around Ronald. “Is it, William?” he asked his son, who did not deign to answer. Michael was highly intelligent, and he’d already gathered the gist of the situation. At least, Ronald and William had met up…for William to discover he’d been forgotten would have been like a knife to the heart. 

 

Oh, his poor baby boy. 

 

“You can make it up to him by not abandoning him right now,” the older man said quietly. “But you are under no obligation to have any contact with him at all, if that’s what suits you…” He reached out, stroking William’s bandaged forearm lovingly. It would have been better if Ronald had never shown up…apparently William had even been on a _date_. Moving on…

How far his progress had been set back now, surely….

 

Ronald felt undeserving of the hug from William’s father, and he bunched his hands up into tight fists on his knees, sniffling and trying hard to hold his tears back. “I don’t…want to leave William,” he whispered. “But he doesn’t want to see me or talk to me. I wouldn’t wanna, either, if I were him.” He sniffled yet again and removed his glasses to wipe his eyes, and then slowly, hesitantly reached out to hold William’s hand. “…But I still don’t want you to hate me,” he choked, his throat tightening up again. “I’m so sorry, Will. For everything. I’ve never stopped liking you, this whole time. I’m so stupid for not recognizing you…I r-really am the dumbest bastard alive…”

 

William promptly rolled over to face the other direction, away from both of them. 

 

Michael drew his brows together, letting out a small sigh. 

 

“Ronald…would you be so kind as to give my son and I a few minutes of privacy…? I need to have some words with him. He’s being rather stubborn, you see,” he declared, getting to his feet. 

 

Of course, Michael was relieved beyond all hell that William was okay. He could have  _ lost _ his only son today, and that was terrifying. William inherited his stoicism, but Michael still trembled under the fear coursing through his body. 

 

Ronald protested for a moment, but something about the look in Michael’s eyes made him back down submissively. He nodded meekly and left the room (though leaving his school bag behind as proof that he wasn’t going anywhere), shutting the door behind him.

 

He quickly wiped his tears again so that no one would see him crying; he didn’t think anyone he knew would be here, but  _ anyone  _ seeing evidence of his weeping would be embarrassing. Anxious and upset, Ronald went just down the hall to a few vending machines he’d passed, and got himself a coffee and a bag of candy to distract himself with as he waited for Michael Spears to do…whatever it was he was planning on doing to get some sense into his son.

 

When the two were alone, it was easier to get William to come out from under the blanket. He was redfaced and distraught, but his father was a guaranteed way to get the poor man to calm down. Michael hugged it out with him while William shakily recounted the tale of everything that happened, and when he explained the way he’d treated Ronald he couldn’t help but hate himself. 

 

It had felt so right at the time to be so enraged and so violent, but now he just felt sick for it. 

 

Frankly, Michael was surprised that William had lasted as long as he did. Over a month being ignored by Ronald, and he hadn’t broken down until now? William was even stronger than Michael had thought. “My poor boy,” he cooed, stroking William’s head. William remained in his arms, red with embarrassment…and that was when he reached up and kissed him. 

 

Michael knew it was coming. When William felt like there was no one there for him in the entire world, his need for affection blossomed for the man who  _ had  _ been there. The one who had saved him. It was wrong, according to some laws, but…Michael would do  _ anything _ to help his brilliant son, who had suffered more than any one person should. 

 

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe,” the older man murmured against the younger’s lips. “My darling...”

 

Ronald finished his coffee (which was fairly needed, considering how poorly he’d slept the night before), lamenting to himself that it wasn’t nearly as delicious as William’s brews. He glanced over at the door and decided to peek in, hoping that by now Michael had coaxed his son into talking. What he saw was the last thing in the universe he would have expected, and he went bright red at the sight of it, stomach flopping a little. Ronald darted away from the door and sat back down on the bench, flustered and tomato-faced, wondering if what he’d seen was actually real or if his eyes had been playing tricks on him.

 

He hadn’t been awake  _ that  _ long yet, had he? Certainly no mushrooms or cough medicine were had recently. Wow. He’d better keep his damn mouth shut.

 

William’s ears pricked when he heard a sound outside the room — he looked, but could see no one there. That was a relief…Ronald had already found out far too much about the Real William today…the tortured mind, the starvation…

 

William figured his heart would simply stop if Ronald discovered the sort of relationship he had with his own father. The dumb blond could never understand what it was like to be so broken and alone…and the fact that not all coping methods were necessarily  _ right _ in morality’s eyes, but they were still valid.

 

“M-mh...” he whined, slowly drawing back out of caution. His fingers traced the crow’s feet along Michael’s eyes endearingly. They were more pronounced than the last time he’d seen them.

 

“Father,” he said quietly. “You’re getting older…”

 

“Only because you keep worrying me so badly,” came the soft response as Michael drew back. “I probably aged about ten years when I heard what happened to you, William. Besides…you’re not really one to talk. I see you have a few gray hairs of your own.” 

 

William coloured faintly; indeed, he was started to get a little prematurely gray around the temples.

 

“Ronald Knox will be returning any minute,” Michael added, still faintly pink from….what they’d just done. “We’ll talk about you and  _ Billy _ later, shall we? In the meantime, I need you to hang in there. I love you, and you were doing  _ so well _ . Make me proud.” 

 

William gave a swift, dutiful nod. “I-I will, sir. You can trust me. I will make you proud.”

 

When Ronald was certain the conversation was in over, he knocked quietly on the door, still holding his empty styrofoam coffee cup. “Is, uh, is it alright if I come back in?” he asked through the crack in the door, gaze firmly down so he didn’t witness anything  _ else _ that he wasn’t supposed to.

 

He really  _ didn’t _ know anything about William, did he? They had been close as children…but twenty missing years held so much weight, Ronald wondered if their relationship would ever recover. After last night, he had his doubts that it would. And thinking about that made his chest feel tight and his heart ache.

 

Ronald had missed William so much more than he’d realized.

 

The father and son drew apart from a much more familial hug, and Michael bid his farewells to them. “I’m going to be in town for a few more days,” he explained. “I’ll text you my contact details…both of you…if you need me.” 

 

“T-thank you, sir,” Ronald murmured uneasily as Michael left. He wasn’t sure if he would need to contact  _ William’s _ parent for anything, but it was a nice enough sentiment.

 

William watched his father leave with a somewhat bereft gaze, but he nodded obediently once more. He didn’t want to be left alone with Ronald right now…but Michael had made his wishes clear. If William could make up with the blond, it might be a substantial step in his recovery. He might surpass the point he’d stagnated at for several years now. 

 

_ He still might make it into space.  _

 

After an awkward silence, William cleared his throat. 

 

“…That’s a nasty bruise you’ve got there. I…I do hope Alan passed along my apologies to you…”

 

Ronald sat back down in the chair at William’s bedside, nervously crinkling the empty styrofoam coffee cup in his hands. He could feel his heart pounding practically up in his throat…what could he even say?

 

“Yeah…he did,” he murmured, having to consciously fight the impulse to touch the bruise. “…but I’m sorry anyway for pushing you. I shouldn’t’ve said what I did. It was real uncalled for, y’know…? L…listen, I’m sorry, too. I think I probably deserved it.”

 

William rocked uncomfortably. 

 

“ _ Well _ …” he murmured, his cheeks slowly colouring red, “…I-I wasn’t in the best…m-mindset…for that discussion…I never lose control like that, but I was just so….”  He couldn’t look at Ronald directly…he still pictured the poor blond fleeing for his life. “I think it’s best you move dormitories, Mr. Knox,” he said abruptly. “You’re not good for my mental health, and I’m not good for you in any possible stretch of imagination. It’s best if you leave me to my issues. Truthfully, I’m just too ashamed of myself.” 

 

Ronald couldn’t look at William either, and even though he still keenly felt the dark bruises on his face and the residual fear of the previous night, William’s suggestion made his heart sink unpleasantly.

 

“…I don’t…” he started uncertainly, crushing his coffee cup out of tension.

 

His mind was too crowded to formulate a proper response, and that nervousness was really starting to settle in.

 

“I don’t wanna leave,” he finally said, resting his gaze just shy of William’s face, focusing on his chest instead. “I mean, I…we…I only just…remembered who you were. I really am stupid, you know…? Not realizin’ I was livin’ with my best friend for over a month,” he added bitterly. “But don’t you think it’d help us both if we tried really reconnecting? Talkin’ about what happened in our lives, and everything.”

 

He finally found the mettle to glance up at William’s face and look into his eyes.

 

“I don’t wanna leave you alone with those thoughts again.”

 

William glanced up into Ronald’s eyes too, searching them in confusion. He didn’t know why, but his throat tightened up all over again. 

 

“…M-my father was right….I don’t…actually blame you for what happened,” he uttered, eyes glistening. “I was just so angry and humiliated after what happened…and the fact that you discovered my secrets…” 

 

He reached a thickly bandaged wrist up and touched Ronald’s bruised eye socket gently. “I can’t imagine how you would forgive me for my abusive behaviour, a-and frankly I don’t expect you to. I have nothing good to offer you, anyway…” 

 

He knew this painful fact very well. 

 

“I expect you’ll probably get to have the dorm to yourself anyway. It’s likely I’ll have to drop the program…I’ll never become an astronaut like this…” His handsome voice wavered and broke, and he dropped his gaze back down to his arms. “God, I’m so  _ stupid _ …” 

 

The bruise hurt terribly when it was touched, and Ronald bit his lip when he felt it, but he said nothing, and let it happen. There was no trace of the previous night’s blind madness in William’s touch; only regret and shame. Ronald found himself automatically reaching out to William, resting a hand on his bandaged wrist. “No,” he heard himself choke out. “No, don’t drop it. I didn’t tell anyone what happened, or your secrets, or anything. You’ve worked too damn hard and dreamed too damn long to give up. I don’t want you to. Your secrets are still secret.”

 

His hand tightened very slightly on William’s bandages. “…I’ll never forgive myself if you don’t make it to space because of me,” he whispered. “I can forgive you, ‘c-cause…I still…really like you, Will.”

 

Naturally, the statement came as a shock. William’s mouth opened slightly, but he had no clue how to reply to a statement like this. Surely Ronald meant this purely platonically, so William let it slide. He would only look all the more a fool for being presumptuous. Ronald had only just remembered him, after all…! “Physical examinations and medical records could tell all the secrets I have,” the brunet whispered back, his heartrate having picked right up again. “No matter your good intentions, I’ve done something irreversible.” 

 

“No,” Ronald whispered again. “You’ll get better, Will. I know you will. Scars heal up, an’ you can start seein’ a therapist again and start eating. I  _ want _ you to get better. I wanna see you on the moon like you said you would when we were kids. You’re gonna make it there, I promise.” He held William’s wrist in both hands now, cradling William’s hand against his face. “It’s not the end. You’ve got a chance. Please don’t give up your dream. Not like this. Not ‘cause of me…”

 

Ronald wasn’t exactly sure what came over him, but he impulsively leaned over William’s bed and kissed William’s lips softly, keenly aware of whose lips had just been there minutes before.

 

A single tear slipped down Ronald’s cheek, and he drew back just slightly. “You can’t give up. You’re supposed to fight…”

 

William blinked, as it finally registered how Ronald really felt about him. “W-what are you doing?” he uttered, barely above a whisper. The taste of Ronald on his lips….it was their first kiss in twenty years, and it was all teary and wet and sad.    
  


“God, you’re an idiot,” he mumbled, shaking his head a little and wiping his eyes. “Of course I’m…going to fight. My dream is all I have.” His wet eyes ghosted over Ronald’s lips again, lost in thought for a few long moments. “…Ronald…I’m so sorry. We…we can’t…do this kind of thing. I’m quite sure I have a boyfriend, and…I really do like him.”

 

Ronald swallowed thickly, curling his hands up into nervous, upset fists. “I know,” he whispered, not drawing back, not coming closer. “And he’s really good, and good  _ for  _ you. Much better ‘n me. But…but I’m real selfish and I want you anyway. Even t-though you hate me and I’m dumber than dirt and probably the worst friend you ever had.”   
  


A tear escaped his eye and trickled down his bitterly smiling cheek before he could stop it.   
  


“But I want you anyway and I’m selfish enough I had to tell you how I felt — h-how I  _ feel _ — before you made me leave forever. I had to kiss you one more time, even if it…e-ended up being goodbye again.”   
  


He teared up all over again, slowly sitting back in his chair, a little stone-faced.   
  


“Just like the last time I did,” he muttered, largely to himself. “…I really am a selfish idiot, aren’t I?”

 

William shook his head, catching Ronald’s hand. "If I hated you, you wouldn’t have mattered to me for so long,” he sighed. “And if you think it’s because of what happened tonight, I don’t hate you for that either. You’re acting like you’re the one who was physically abusive and violent, when…when all you were doing was defending yourself, and…trying to look after me.”    
  


His dark brows furrowed, and he bit his lower lip. “If I hated you, I wouldn’t do this.”    
  


He leaned forward, beckoning Ronald slightly closer, and joined their lips once more. “My feelings for you have only grown stronger since meeting you. I just don’t have it in me to break the heart of the only man who didn’t do a thing wrong. I’m sorry…I hope you understand. And, I…I really do think you’re brilliant.”

 

Ronald’s tears streamed continuously down his face, and he let out a little bitter sob even as he cupped William’s face into his hands and accepted his kiss.    
  


“I do, even if I don’t wanna,” he whined softly. He shook with the effort of keeping his sobs bitten back, even as he gently ran his hands through William’s hair and kissed him again. “It’s not fair. I only just got you back and I can’t have you. I’ve had you the whole time. How can you call me brilliant when I’m that thick, Will…? When I could forget your name and your face when you were so  _ important _ back then?”

 

“I’m nothing like that boy you knew,” William conceded, eyelashes fluttering as Ronald kissed him once more. A soft whine followed; he didn’t want to separate from him, but….Alan. “What I went through changed me into something…” Barely human. “…Unrecognizable. I can’t blame you for forgetting me.”    
  


He squeezed Ronald’s hand, but the tensing of his shredded forearm muscles caused him to his in pain and draw back for the final time.    
  


“I want to move forward from this as fast as possible. I want to be your friend again. For real. When I get out of here…let us do something fun together, alright?”

 

Ronald’s fingers brushed over the heavy bandages covering William’s arms as they pulled away, and he nodded, though not without tremendous reluctance.    
  


“Friends,” he repeated to himself.   
  


It was better than nothing.   
  


“Okay,” he whispered back, taking his glasses off to wipe his eyes. “Let’s go do something fun. As soon as the semester is over. Finals are over and we can do whatever we want.”   
  


Ronald only had ideas of what could have changed William; it was true that almost nothing of the young, cheerful William of twenty years ago. This William was prematurely gray, a quiet and studious man with a soul far older than his body, who carried himself like living death. They had been sharing a room together for a month, but Ronald still hardly knew him. Maybe that child was still in there somewhere, buried deep down inside.

 

William lay back against the sheets gently. “Go home now,” he requested softly. “…You need to get some rest…and so do I.” 

 

Frankly, it was miraculous he was as coherent on morphine as he was. But he’d developed something of an intolerance, given how much he’d had to take when he was younger to deal with the injuries his torturous uncle had inflicted upon him. He was not immune to it, however. William recalled Ronald leaving the room after a short, sniffly goodbye…and then he’d passed out against the cool, crisp sheets.    
  


Hopefully there would be smoother sailing from here on out…he did not want to see a storm after this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long absence of updates! we've finished this rp now, it's been nicely wrapped up, so you can look forward to seeing how this ends within the next few coming chapters. (if u review, we'll update faster than like 7 months per chapter haha. thanks!)

The waters were still choppy, but they weren’t anything that the two couldn’t successfully sail through. William stayed in the hospital for a couple more days after that to heal and recuperate, and the story he explained his absence with was that he’d gotten food poisoning. Ronald skipped classes during that time to avoid having his bruised cheek be seen, but he knew he couldn’t hide it forever. He stuck with a plausible lie that he’d been drunk and had slipped and hit his face in the shower.   
  


Working together with Michael Spears, a William Support System was quickly put into place. With William’s permission, Michael froze William’s bank account in order to block his access to over the counter laxatives and emetics. Ronald was to practically babysit William during mealtimes to ensure that he ate, and continue watching him and even restricting his bathroom access so that he could not retreat and purge. An eating disorder specialty therapist was hired, and William was to see him three times a week. Ronald and Michael would both be notified if William failed to arrive at any appointments.   
  


Ronald couldn’t help but feel like a jail warden, especially when he wrote notes and reports to Michael Spears on William’s behavior. But William had consented to it all — he wanted to overcome this great obstacle.   
  


Returning to their dorm was an awkward situation, on top of everything. They did a fairly good job at resuming their normal routines, but the tight security, new strict habits being put into place, and William’s mental and emotional battle all added up to thick tension. It was stressful, juggling their studies and their combined efforts to defeat William’s eating disorder  _ and _ trying to pretend they weren’t still in love with each other, but they were determined as hell.

 

William was 100% dedicated to his future career goals. He had to be, considering he was in a PhD program. The moment the doctors thought it proper to permit him leave, he was out the door. Heavily bandaged forearms were concealed under tight long-sleeved shirts and overcoats — this was a bonus of winter.    
  


William functioned best under discipline, so with both Ronald and his father watching over him, he found it easier to avoid doing behaviors that were detrimental to his wellbeing. …Well, except for when it came to Ronald Knox. William thought often of the kiss they’d shared back in the hospital, and he knew his childhood friend did too.    
  


They had feelings for each other, but it was a relationship William could not pursue while he was with Alan, whom he cared for dearly. There was nothing for it; the only thing to do was focus on their studies.

 

Alan knew very well of William’s feelings for Ronald. It was hard on him; he liked William very much and enjoyed spending time with him, even if it was spent mostly studying, especially as finals week reared its ugly head. But it was difficult to invest himself into the relationship when he knew William’s heart wasn’t completely in it. Not when his partner longed to be with someone else.

 

It was maddening. Alan wanted William to be happy, but it was like William wasn’t even letting himself. Not as long as he remained platonic with Ronald Knox.

 

“William,” he finally asked one evening as they were reviewing their notes together, “are you happy with me?”

 

William glanced up from the calorie smoothie he was sipping a little half-heartedly. 

 

“Ah…where is this coming from?” he asked, a tad warily. “Alan, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Truly. You feel so good for me.” 

 

Gods, it wasn’t easy to be so open about his feelings, but the idea of losing Alan made his stomach turn more than it already did from having to consume so many extra calories to get back to a healthy weight range. William set his drink down and reached across the table to take Alan’s hand in his own.

 

“Is something wrong?” 

 

Alan accepted William’s hand, gently brushing his fingers over William’s. “To tell you the truth,” he began softly, “I’m worried if I’m good enough for you. You’re such a lovely person and I often find myself wondering if I deserve you. I can’t help but wonder if there’s more I could be doing…”

 

He knew there wasn’t, really, but he didn’t know how to ask William what he wanted to ask. In the end, he wasn’t Ronald Knox. And he didn’t want to break up with William, either; that selfish part of him wished to hang on to this beautiful man for as long as he could. He just knew intimately that William would be happier with Ronald, and Alan wanted to give William all the joy in the world.

 

He only had one potential solution, which was to scare William off somehow. He needed William to be the one to end their relationship. It would hurt far less for everyone.

 

William raised an eyebrow. “Aahh, my dear, you have nothing to worry about. I’ve made a decision to be with you, and I’m standing by it. I adore you, Alan.” He gazed at the older gentleman endearingly. “Do you know that? I’m so grateful that you’re staying with me right now. It means so much.” 

 

He even gave him a tiny smile, and sat a little closer. “So don’t worry,” he sighed, placing an arm around his slender boyfriend. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Alan sighed contentedly and shut his eyes as he leaned against William. Just a little longer with this wonderful person…

 

“Thank you,” he murmured, lightly touching William’s arm. “I’m glad to hear it.”

 

He was quiet for a moment, thinking to himself and just enjoying William’s presence, before he glanced up at William and met his gaze.

 

“If we’re going to be together, then…William…I’d like to consummate our relationship,” he suggested in a soft voice, resting a hand on William’s chest. “I think it’s a good time. We’ve been seeing each other for about a month now…what do you think?”

 

William’s stomach flopped again, and he went quite pink.

 

“ _ Oh _ ,” he uttered, heart pounding in his chest. “…I, um…” 

 

He let the moment hang tensely, before managing another small smile. “…I think I’d really enjoy that,” he finally whispered, his grip around Alan tightening. “I thought you’d never ask, to be honest,” he teased, leaning in to peck Alan’s lips fondly. 

 

_ Hell yes. Finally! _

 

Alan smiled into the kiss and pulled William closer in a warm embrace. “Really now?” he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I suppose I must have come off as prudish. I hope you don’t mind if I rectify that. I’m actually quite the opposite, to tell you the truth.” 

 

The elder man was the one to gently push William down onto the mattress, his strength surprising for his small frame. “Let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?” he asked softly.

 

This was to be his only time with William. He was going to make damn well sure that they both enjoyed every last second of it. He had to savor his dear, precious William before he gave him away to young Ronald Knox.

 

William nuzzled Alan’s cheek affectionately, completely oblivious to Alan’s true intentions, and he settled comfortably against the mattress. 

 

“I think I’m definitely comfortable with you on top of me,” he commented coyly, passing a hand along Alan’s slender hips. “My god, you are a delight, Mr. Humphries.” His lips parted with a pleasurable sigh when he felt their pelvises interlock, and they rubbed up against one another eagerly.

 

Alan was really just a beautiful man, and William couldn’t have been happier with him. At least, that was how he felt at that very moment. 

 

“I’m keen to see what surprises you have in store for me.” 

 

Alan smiled and gently pushed his hands up William’s abdomen and chest, sliding fluidly to his collar to begin unbuttoning his shirt with deft, slender fingers.

 

“I’m glad,” he whispered, neatly opening William’s shirt. He gave no pause to William’s pants, gracefully unfastening his belt and trousers, and wasted no time to begin pleasuring him with feather light touches. “I can’t wait to show them to you. Every last one.”

 

Though he had yet to meet his match in kinkiness, Alan knew he was in for a very good time with William as they lay down together to make sweet, passionate love.

 

Alan was right, and William too had been awash with anticipation for the rendezvous. The blue-eyed man was a caring and tender lover, and Alan seemed quite a compatible match.

William preferred to top, and he adored the older man’s sweet mews of pleasure as he was thrust into. William was devoted to pleasing, always making sure his tiny lover was comfortable in all respects. 

 

Their climax together was fantastic. Alan knew exactly how to get the best of William from his position, as well as give William his best. They clung tightly to each other, William’s name on Alan’s lips as beautiful as a song, and collapsed among the bedsheets together in a breathless heap.    
  


_ Savor every second _ , Alan told himself as he lay his head upon William’s chest. Beautiful, powerful William, never to be touched by Alan again after this night.   
  


“Thank you,” he breathed affectionately, putting a hand over his racing heart. “That was…positively incredible. William, you’re just as wonderful as I imagined you would be…I can only hope that what is yet to come will continue to be just as lovely and satisfying. I wonder what sorts of things I’ll get to do with you…”

 

William ran his hand affectionately over Alan’s backside, relishing how smooth and tight it was.    
  


For now, he was spent, but he eagerly looked forward to their next time. Pressing a gentle kiss to Alan’s cheek, he met his eyes.    
  


“Ah…just what might you have in mind?” he queried softly, still catching his breath. He knew he’d pleasured Alan to satisfaction, but was there something more he could have been doing? A faint twinge of anxiety surfaced within.

 

There was a glint in Alan’s eye, as well as an ache in his heart. Scaring William off was going to be the most difficult thing he’d ever done in his life.   
  


“Oh, so many things,” he sighed with a bit of forced content. “Soon I’ll get to show you my toy collection. It’s really quite impressive, if I may say so myself. And I have so many interests that are considered…ahhh… _ unconventional _ to most.”   
  


He looked dreamily up into William’s eyes. “For example,” he went on after a dramatic pause, “I’m quite excited by bondage…being bound and gagged, of course…and, if I’m lucky enough to have a partner like you, I do enjoy a golden shower every now and then.”   
  


This was it. The point of no return.

 

William couldn’t help raising an eyebrow, but he tried to keep a neutral expression. 

 

“…Hm..!” he responded with deliberate nonchalance. “…Well, I…I wouldn’t say those things are too unconventional. Not by fetish standards. Um…actually, bondage is a bit of a hard limit of mine. I’ve had too much experience with it in a place where you didn’t get a safeword when you’d had enough,” he said with a bit of a shudder. “As for the, er,  _ shower _ …w-well, I’m open to trying new things…”    
  


It could have been far worse, and besides, that adoring look in Alan’s eyes made William want to agree to everything. They were enchanting.

 

Alan sat up a little, playing up his eagerness. “Oh, wonderful! The golden shower is one of my favorites, actually; quite up there with bukkake. But what my  _ true _ favorite is must be shown and not told. Here, let me get my phone and take you through a quick romp on some message boards I frequent…”   
  


Pretending to be completely oblivious to William’s discomfort, Alan proceeded to scour the Internet for the most depraved and horrifying shock videos it could offer.   
  


“We could do things like this, I was hoping,” he told William with very forced hopeful eyes; even this was quite a bit beyond Alan’s interests. But he had to pull out the big guns and be as outrageous and disgusting as he possibly could.   
  


“What do you think?” he asked with a coquettish smile.

 

William’s mouth was left slightly agape.    
  
He glanced between Alan and the video , feeling bile rise in his throat. “A-at the risk of..upsetting you…is this some kind of joke? O-or test?” he uttered, desperately searching Alan’s eyes for falsehoods. “To see if I am dedicated to you? Because I am, but…w-well….I could never do that sort of thing. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.” He genuinely felt bad, because he didn’t believe Alan would lie to him and honestly believed his seemingly perfect lover had a dark, filthy side with fetishes William couldn’t even fathom.    
  


"That’s not a problem, is it…?” Surely, Alan would respect his limits.

 

Oh, fuck.    
  


Alan hadn’t anticipated this outcome.   
  


Now he had a choice: to either keep playing this game and truly break both of their hearts, or to come clean about his charade. Alan didn’t like to lie and it hurt just doing this much. He faltered. The plan and the charade were rapidly falling apart.   
  


“A — a joke?” he stammered, smiling weakly. “Oh — ah…ah, no, why would you think it’s a joke…? It’s…u-unusual, and understandably it would take some thinking about — ”   
  


He took his phone back. “You really wouldn’t try it?” he asked nervously, losing steam for the masquerade very quickly. “Not…even for me?”

 

William’s heart was racing in his chest. 

 

“No,” he whispered. “That’s another hard limit. You’re a lovely man, and I would try my best to please you, a-and keep up with you….But I can’t do that with you.” He resisted a small shudder, but he still wasn’t 100% convinced on Alan’s ruse, and that percentage was falling with every passing second. “You’re a smart man. I wouldn’t have thought you were in the habit of breaking that sort of news to someone so soon into a relationship, but in future I might advise you take it more slowly.” 

 

Alan seemed to be being careless, for some reason…

 

Alan rubbed at the back of his neck and refrained from wiping away the nervous sweat that was building up on his forehead. “Ah…I see…” he murmured. “Then…yes, for the future, I will take greater caution…in the future…”   
  


Before he knew it, he had tears welling in his eyes. Oh, fuck, this always happened when he was stressed. Damnit. Would this manipulate William into staying with him, (oh god and if he did would he have to keep going with this charade and do the things  _ even h _ e didn’t find sexually appealing?!) and while Alan would have loved to stay with William…he couldn’t stay in good conscience.   
  


“I see,” he mumbled again. “I’m sorry. I was much too forward.”

 

William promptly frowned. Were those tears in Alan’s eyes? Why was  _ he _ crying? William was the one who should have been upset; his seemingly perfect new boyfriend was into hardcore kinks he’d never even fathomed. Or at least, that was what Alan was trying to convince William to believe, even if it couldn’t be further from the truth.    
  


“Forget it,” he said a little stiffly. “If it’s okay with you, I’d prefer you didn’t bring that up again around me.” He rubbed at his shoulders uneasily.

 

Alan wiped his tears as he thought furiously. Perhaps if he behaved obnoxiously enough about it, it might still scare William off. “I don’t understand,” he said unhappily. “I was so excited to share something so personal about myself with you. I didn’t anticipate that you would react this way…I thought you liked me.” That was pretty obnoxious, right? Just say all the wrong things possible. “I thought for certain that you would try it at least once. My other partners have…”

 

That was the end of William’s patience, and he quietly sat up, beginning to pull his clothes on. “Well, perhaps I am at fault here. I may have…rushed into something I clearly was not ready for.” He zipped up his trousers and pulled on his shirt, biting hard at his lip in distress.    
  


He shakily pulled on his tie and looked back at Alan; things were perfect, and it had all come crashing down so suddenly. It had rocked him deeply.   
  


“Alan, I’m sorry. I really liked you, but I can’t fulfil your needs. Forgive me. I…I have to go,” he whispered, so Alan couldn’t hear the waver in his voice, and with a noticeable moment of hesitation he turned and hurried out the door.

 

“William — ” Alan began, reaching out to him, but his (one time) lover had already gone. Alan was left alone in the dark, silent room, and he half collapsed out of exhaustion and grief, burying his face into his hands.   
  


He had done it. It hurt them both so much, but he had actually succeeded. He just wasn’t entirely prepared for the full force of the pain it was going to bring them.   
  


“I’m so sorry,” he wept quietly into his hands, unsuccessfully choking sobs back. “Ronald Knox, I swear to god you’d better take care of him or I’ll break you into pieces…! I’ll never forgive you if you hurt him!”

 

William hurried back to the dorm rather teary-eyed himself. He himself had since put up a canopy around his bed for privacy, and when he arrived back at his room he dropped his shoes by the door (in an uncharacteristically haphazard fashion) and enclosed himself in solitude.   
  


_ What…the fuck. _ None of this made any sense…!

 

This had to have been some sort of joke, and Alan was no doubt laughing to himself back his room. Well, William didn’t want people who would play games with his emotions like that. He couldn’t handle it.   
  


Cradling his bandaged wrists, he crawled under the covers like a teenager.  _ Damn it. God damn it. _

 

Ronald was up and trying to study, so it was hard not to notice William coming back to their room in such a fluster. He stood up in alarm, abandoning his note-taking in order to attend to William.   
  


“W-Will?” he asked cautiously as he approached William’s bed. “What happened? I thought you were at Alan’s…what’s wrong?”

 

William’s ears pricked.  _ Shit, Ronald was here?! _ __  
The distraught brunet had had tunnel vision from the door to his bed, so he hadn’t noticed the blond at his desk. William didn’t want to talk to Ronald. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He was so hurt and upset and confused; gods, emotions were truly hideous things!    
  


“Piss off,” he snapped, hoping the brusqueness of his answer would dissuade Ronald from further poking and prodding. “Leave me alone this instant.” His voice cracked, and he closed his eyes tight, breath shuddering. “Please…”

 

Ronald was not dissuaded. 

 

"I can't just sit around knowing that you're hurting," he whispered as he knelt down on the floor by William's bedside. He leaned over and peeked inside the canopy, lifting it just so. "Please come out of there...you can talk to me. Let me help you, okay? C'mon..."

 

He gently rested his hand on the lump hiding under the covers. "Please tell me what happened. You're gonna be okay, Will, I promise." He gazed determinedly at the bundle of blankets presently hiding William; even if they couldn't be a couple, he was still gonna be the best damn friend ever to this man. 

 

"Want me to make you a cuppa?" he asked softly, gently rubbing what he hoped was over William's shoulder. "I'll bring you one. And some tissues, too."

 

“I don’t…w-want...” William mumbled, exhaling slowly. “Just leave me alone.” And yet, even though he didn’t want to talk, he found himself spilling his mind’s thoughts anyway. “It’s not...okay. Nothing is okay. Just when I thought…things were getting better,” he uttered, red in the face from shedding silent tears and the enclosed space he was experiencing under the blanket.

 

Ronald carefully rested a hand on what felt like William’s shoulder. “You’re gonna make it through this, whatever this is,” he promised. “Talk to me, mate. Come out and have yourself a cooldown so you don’t overheat yourself, mmkay?”

 

Poor, poor William…whatever had happened, this had destroyed him. This handsome face so scrunched up and red with upset…Ronald’s heart broke for him.   
  


“Wish I had some chamomile tea for you,” he murmured. “An’ lavender. But all I got right now’ like earl grey and breakfast tea. Earl grey smells real nice, yeah?”

 

William, ever the Brit at heart, really couldn’t say no to a good cup of tea. But then he thought of Alan, and how unequivocally British he was, and that brought a fresh spring of tears to the surface. “Alan,” he moaned miserably, though he at least surfaced from under the covers for some fresh air before he suffocated. “He must really hate me…”    
  
Especially if he would pull a stunt like this right after William had been in hospital for self-destruction. “Am I so unbearable that he would lie like that…to get away from me…?”

 

Ronald’s eyes widened as he comforted William. “Alan did what…?” he asked in shock. “But…that can’t be right. Why would he try to get away from you? He’s so totally into you…I can’t…believe that he’d hate you, or even dislike you a  _ little _ .”   
  


He fussed as he tried to peel more covers off of William. “What did he say to you? There’s got to be an explanation.”

 

William’s quickly grabbed some tissues from his nightstand to wipe at his eyes. “He started pulling this nonsense about having all these c-crazy fetishes, making me watch these v-videos…just being really insistent when I said I wasn’t into it…” His voice was muffled as he spoke into the tissues, and when he drew back his eyes were red, puffy, and heartbroken. “But I realized he just…wanted to break up…and he was too cowardly to do it himself.”

 

Ronald frowned, his brow knit together as he listened and thought. What the hell? That didn’t seem like Alan at all. “Oh, Will,” he whispered, bunching the blanket up into one of his hands. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful…wh-why would he do that? What a…what an arse! Want me to go beat him up for you, Will? I will! I’ll do it! I’ll kick his arse to planet fucking Jupiter for hurtin’ you like this!”   
  


He didn’t know what else to do. But  _ seeing _ William like this actually made him ready to beat the snot out of Alan for doing that to him -- frail, bespectacled man or not.   
  


“What a jerk…Will, I’m so sorry…”

 

William shook his head. “Leave him be. I…I’m sure he had his reasons,” he muttered. “Alan’s a grown man, and a good friend. There m-must have been a real reason for wanting to leave.” He curled up in the blankets, sniffling and closing his eyes. His heart ached. He’d really, really liked Alan.   
  


After a good ten minutes of sulking, he looked up at Ronald.    
  


“Either way, thank you for being here for me...I…I really appreciate it.” There was nothing but anguish in his eyes; he’d clung to life in the hospital out of love for Alan. Remembering this brought a fresh wellspring of tears to his eyes. “...Damn..!”

 

Ronald couldn’t bear to see William like this. Before he could stop himself, he pulled William into his arms and hugged him tightly, trying hard not to weep, himself. “I’m glad I could be here for you, Will,” he sniffled into the hug. “I don’t know what Alan’s thinking, but he just made the biggest mistake of his life.”   
  


The best Ronald could do was just hold William, heart aching for him, wishing terribly that he could take William for his own partner. Damn Alan…how dare he do this…!

 

"I was happy with him,” William whispered, closing his eyes as the returning tears slipped down his red cheeks. “You could stay together forever with a sweet, kind man like Alan. And I…I messed up somehow, didn’t I? The fact that I made him unhappy for even a moment….”    
  


His heart was just broken, and even worse when he could hear Ron’s breath hitching as he drew close to tears, too. Damn it….“I’m sorry,” William said abruptly, trying to wipe his eyes again. “I — I’m done with it. It’s over. There’s no need for you to cry.”

 

“N-no, Will, that’s — ” Ronald sniffed, rubbing William’s back. “That’s not your fault. Not a bit. You don’t need to be sorry.” He drew back so he could rub his eyes, as well, and stopped any tears before they could fall. “I’m sorry — mum always says I’m real empathetic. I laugh ‘n cry when other people do…like, reflex, y'know.”   
  


He sighed and finished wiping his eyes, and looked seriously into William’s. “Point is, ’s'not your fault and I don’t think you did anything wrong. I dunno what his damage is, but it sure ain’t you, alright. We’re gonna get you through this. C'mere, I’ll get you something to drink. You’ll feel a little better, yeah?”

 

“Aa-aah….alright,” William said thickly, hiding a faint smile at poor Ronald’s cry reflex. Of course, the blond was a sweetheart beneath his clownish exterior. William crawled out of bed, leaving his cane behind as he limped off towards the bathroom to wash his face. Having to look down at his still-healing bandaged wrists made the raw pain well up within him again, followed by memories of how he’d physically abused Ronald the other week. He didn’t really deserve Ronald’s love in any measure. Yet here Ronald was, still being as kind and caring as ever to William with no expectation of return.

 

Ronald had already gotten out a box of wine he’d been saving for a rainy day, and it looked like that rainy day had come. He’d poured some into a plastic wine glass (being under no delusions of how fancy or wealthy he was) and was already holding it out to William when his roommate left the bathroom.   
  


“You’re gonna be okay, mate,” he said softly. “C'mon, drink up. Cry as much as ya need to.” The bruises from that night were fading, but still present. He still maintained that he’d drunkenly fallen down a stairwell, to protect William.

 

William had to swallow back more tears as he took the plastic glass into his shaking hand, and he had Ronald assist him back to the bed. Before they knew it, several hours had passed of just sitting together, listening to the rain against the dorm roof and windows, and drinking their cheap wine. It felt fine to just chat together about anything and everything, letting the alcohol soothe their aches and let them finally smile a little.    
  


It made William feel like maybe things would be okay.

 

Ronald had to increase his vigilance from that night on, closely monitoring William’s meals and making sure he continued to eat; he knew just how hard a bad breakup could be on one’s appetite. He’d be looking out for William more than ever. In doing that, however, he was forgetting to look after himself. As the end of the semester approached, he found his classes getting more and more difficult. What was once simple and fun was now dreaded and incredibly complicated now that they had started studying the chemical imbalances in the brain that resulted in neurodivergence.   
  


Ronald was starting to stay up much later into the night just to try and do his homework, but more often than not, his eyes just slid over the words on the pages without absorbing their meaning. It might as well have been goddamn Russian for all the good it did him.    
  


In just three short weeks, his grades were saw a massive dive. He couldn’t concentrate, stay focused on the task at hand. Even Adderall was having a difficult time doing its job, rendering it a mere expensive placebo.   
  


“Fuck,” he muttered, tugging his hair out of pure stress. It was three in the fucking morning and he’d been sitting on his ass getting absolutely nothing done. Everything  _ but _ his homework; social media was much more enticing, as were the games on his phone and laptop. He cleared them away, tossing the phone to his bed and packing the laptop into his messenger bag. The book, only the book. Textbooks couldn’t give you Candy Crush requests, and he had a fucking important exam to get done in the morning.   
  


But the words just slid meaninglessly across the page again. None of it made sense like it had before. None of it clicked.   
  


He fought back the lump in his throat, the burning in his eyes.  _ You stupid, worthless piece of shit. Did you really think you were smart enough to make it in this class? Fucking dumbass! Of course you’re too stupid for this class! Who did you think you were shitting, Mr. ADD? After those entrance exams, you thought the hard part was OVER? Too stupid to function. You’ll never get anywhere. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…! _   
  


Focus! Try again!   
  


Five AM. Still nothing. Notebook empty as his head.

 

Ronald stared at his notebook, and at the useless textbook, completely silent, and all at once, a fiery rage boiled out of his chest.   
  


Something snapped, and he suddenly cried out, lurching to his feet and sweeping all of the contents of his desk onto the floor with a great clatter, and with all his might he threw the hated textbook across the room in burning, weeping frustration. “ _ FUCK _ !! God DAMN it, fucking —  _ fuck _ …!”

 

The textbook hit the wall in a crumpled heap, knocking things over and breaking them where it landed. The things he’d swept off his desk received ample damage, as well, and then he knocked the desk and chair over too, shouting despairing curses into the night. “ _ GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, SON OF A BITCH, WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT, ROT IN HELL —  _ !!”   
  


Ronald collapsed against the wall, awash with tears and drained of energy. The young man hunched himself against his overturned desk, amid scattered papers, notebooks, folders, broken anime figurines. He wept bitterly, clutching his scalp, and muttered to himself all manner of self deprecating curses. He couldn’t do it. He was too stupid, and that was that. He couldn’t be a psychologist. Adults who couldn’t manage their own ADD had no business in a private university like this. The scholarship was a fucking fluke. Surely someone else deserved it more — not this weak-minded piece of shit crying behind his desk at five in the morning.

 

The sound of the textbook slamming into the wall startled poor William awake so badly he nearly fell out of bed. “What in the fresh hell — !?” he barked, snatching his glasses off the bedside table and cramming them onto his face. He heard the sound of sobbing, and then as his eyes adjusted, he saw Ronald hunched in the corner and weeping. William’s adrenaline faded, and he slipped out of bed, proceeding crookedly over to Ronald.    
  


“Ronald…!” he began, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “What’s…why are you…like this…?” William was rather sleep-deprived himself, so words weren’t coming out as eloquently as they usually would. “Why are you upset? What’s happened?” 

 

He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Ronald quite so upset…except maybe in the hospital, after William’s…attempt. Actually, this seemed worse, like the sobs of a person who was truly broken. Had looking after William been such a strain?

 

“I’m too stupid,” Ronald burst out between broken sobs, glasses flecked with tears now. “I can’t do it. I can’t understand any of this. I’m too stupid, Will, I shouldn’t be here — ”   
  


He gasped for breath, and he put his forehead back down onto his knees. “I’m such a fuckwit I’ll never get anywhere. C-can’t pay attention to shit, can’t remember shit, can’t understand  _ shit _ . Fuck.  _ Fuck _ . I wanna go home. I can’t do this. I shoulda known better than to try this. I can’t be a psych. I’m too fucking stupid and dysfunctional to be a shrink; I can’t even look after my fucking  _ self _ ; how’m I gonna help other people, huh? ‘Cause I’m too fucking thick to understand the material in the first fucking semester of my first fucking year at Uni! I have to go to fucking med school after this if I want a doctorate! How the  _ fuck  _ do you expect me to make it there?!”   
  


It was all he was capable of. It had been building up, and he’d told no one. Why bother other people with his own trivial problems? William had it much worse, so Ronald didn’t  _ dare  _ complain. He’d just let it all bottle up until it had exploded, like a shaken up can of soda. His hyper focus had shifted to hating himself, and he couldn’t pull himself out of it.

 

William listened patiently, settling down onto the floor beside his anguishing friend. "Ronald, Ronald…you’re not stupid,” he assured him tenderly, though inwardly feeling anxious that he might not be able to say the right words to help him.   
  


“Look…neurotypical psychiatrists are pointless. So don’t worry that you have issues — in this field, you need someone who knows what it’s like to be different. If this is what you really want to do, you can’t give up on it, huh?”    
  


He touched his shoulder lightly, eyes sleepy and soft. “I’ll help you with your study, okay? I’m happy to.”

 

Ronald shook his head, tears pouring steadily down his cheeks. “N-no, I can’t ask you to do that,” he choked. “You’re gonna be an astronaut; I can’t weigh you down with this pointless  _ bullshit _ .”   
  


A little too late to keep them clean, he finally took his glasses off, dangling them precariously from the tips of his fingers. “How can I  _ not _ be stupid if I can’t understand any of these technical terms or remember any of this?” he demanded. “F-fuck…I’m down to all Ds, Will; I was pullin’ As in my first month. They’ll kick me out if I can’t get my grades back up. I c-can’t…it’s fuckin’ useless if I can’t pay attention to what’s right in front of me. Knowing what it’s like to be different won’t mean  _ shit _ if I don’t know what’s wrong with someone and I can’t help them. It’s bullshit…I shouldn’t be here!”

 

“Shh, shh,” William said softly, giving Ronald’s shoulder a little squeeze. “It’s really late, and you’re tired and frustrated. I’m doing fine in my own classes, and I owe you so much after all you’ve done for me. Let me help you…tomorrow, after you’ve had some sleep. I’ll tutor you.”    
  


He offered his handkerchief to the poor blond, instinctively feeling the urge of affection towards his friend. “You got As because you’re smart. You’re here because you’re smart, and I believe in you. Understand…?” 

 

William’s hand slipped from Ronald’s shoulder to his cheek, brushing it gently. 

 

“I know you can do this.”

 

Ronald choked and held the handkerchief limply and uselessly in his fist, leaning heavily on William’s hand, tears slipping into it at once. “I can’t,” he sobbed, breaking down completely. “I can’t, I can’t…y-you have enough to worry about. I’ll just drag you down. You’re so smart and I’m  _ not _ , a-and —  _ I _ don’t believe in me anymore.”   
He sobbed miserably and hid his face in William’s shirt. “I can’t focus, I can’t remember. Nursing school must’ve been a total fuggin’ fluke. There’s no way I can do f-four whole  _ years _ of this and then med school. I j-just…c-can’t…!”

 

William at that moment could understand how someone might feel enough sympathy for someone else’s tears that they themselves might reflexively want to cry. He abruptly wrapped his strong, scarred arms around Ronald, squeezing him tightly. “Stop…Ronald, stop…I can’t bear to hear you say things that aren’t true. You asked me to trust you that I could get through everything, and now it’s your turn to trust me. If I’m so smart, you should believe that I know what I’m talking about.” He looked down into Ronald’s sea-green eyes, and let his thumb stroke over the man’s cheek, wiping his eyes.    
  


“It’s my turn to help you.”

 

Ronald calmed down just enough to gaze up at William and focus his eyes on him, and he clung tightly to his shirt and to his words. When William was saying these things…he could almost believe they were true. Beautiful, brilliant, perfect William, here helping him and comforting him.   
  


Ronald fucking ached for the man.   
  


In his vulnerable, sleep deprived state, Ronald descended upon William’s lips with his own, even as a few more little sobs forced their way out. He didn’t even know what he was doing; he just needed to kiss this man more than anything else. It just felt so fucking right.

 

Of course the kiss came as a surprise to William, but not a huge one. Being kissed by Ronald felt like something they should have been doing since day one. William had been kissed by Ronald before, back when they were little, when everything was innocent and pure. For a few moments, that was exactly what it felt like all over again.    
  


They both had some amount of feelings for each other — William had never stopped, even when he had fallen in love with Alan Humphries. It felt natural. It felt right. "Shh, you’re okay,” the brunet whispered once he finally parted from Ronald’s hot, wet lips.   
  


“I’ve got you… I’ll look after you.”

 

“Don’t let go of me,” Ronald pleaded in a whisper as he hooked his arms around William’s neck. “Please…just…stay with me. Please. Don’t let me give up.”   
  


He was already pressing more clumsy, wet kisses to William’s jaw, holding onto him for his life, and sniffling even as he still clutched William’s handkerchief in one tight fist. William was so warm and welcoming even though he’d been so rudely awakened. Ronald didn’t think he deserved this man one bit, but by god he was going to hang onto him for the rest of his life. He was so perfect.   
  


“I love you, Will,” he sniffled quietly into William’s ear, hugging him as tightly as he could. And it was true; he’d loved William for so long and he regretted the lost time between them. That love had never died out. He was lucky enough to have another chance with his childhood lover, and he could not let that chance slip through his fingers. William had to know how fucking grateful he was.

 

There came the tears for William, because he’d wanted those words since he was a young child. 

 

“I know, I know you do,” he whispered, cradling the man in his arms. Some part of him hesitated to say the words in return so soon after Alan, but he knew how he’d harbored his love for Ronald throughout his entire journey to becoming a man. They were both in love with each other, always had, and were both clearly dedicated to supporting each other.

 

Why not? 

 

William closed his eyes and met Ronald’s lips again.

 

“I’m not letting you go. I’m not leaving. I love you too, Ronald. I never stopped.”

 

Ronald breathed a tremulous sigh of relief, and he shut his eyes as they kissed again. Here in William’s arms, even in a dark room, on top of a pile of discarded homework, Ronald had never felt safer or more comfortable in his life. It felt like the stars had aligned and everything was in harmony. The balance had been restored.

 

“I’m so glad,” he whispered, blinking away the last of his tears. “Everything feels right again.”

 

William’s pianist fingers carded through Ronald’s hair (unwashed, due to neglecting showers in favor of trying to study) and he gave Ronald a small squeeze. 

 

“Maybe what you need is someone looking after you for a change. Someone to hold you close. I’m not…good at the whole thing, but…all I ever wanted was to make you happy. Thank you for giving me a chance to.”

 

This was met with another kiss, tender and affectionate. “Now you should get some sleep.” 

 

Ronald sniffled again, and his head ached from being awake so long, from all that day’s coffee, from the crying, from the forced study attempts. He practically melted onto William, hiccuping quietly and meeting his kiss with equal affection and exhaustion.

 

“Let me sleep with you,” he begged quietly, sagging in William’s arms. “Please…don’t let go of me tonight, okay? I just…wanna…I feel safe with you. I can believe it’s gonna be okay when you’re here and you say it. Lemme…lemme sleep in your bed.”

 

William fidgeted a little. He wasn’t used to having someone else in his bed by any means. “W…well, I suppose,” he decided, helping the poor blond to his feet. “It should be fine. Just don’t wet the bed or anything, alright?” he warned lightly. That would be pretty awful, and the cleanup unbelievably tedious. “Or did you grow out of that?” It was a friendly tease, because he remembered how Ronald used to be like as a child.

 

Ronald dipped his head down as a breathy laugh escaped him, his shoulders shaking a little, and when he looked back up, he was smiling through his tears. “Yeah,” he answered softly. “Yeah, I’ve grown out of that. Thanks for checkin’, Will.”

 

He sighed and leaned on William as they settled on William’s bed, and Ronald wrestled out of his shoes without touching them, letting them flop down to the floor at the foot of the bed. 

 

“Much to my mum’s relief,” he added lightly, climbing into William’s lap. “Imagine how embarrassed she would’ve been if she’d sent her little boy of to college with nighttime pull-ups and pee pads. Imagine.”

 

“Not as embarrassed as  _ you  _ would have been,” William countered, pulling up the covers and laying down with Ronald. “Switch off the light there, would you?” he asked, settling into the big-spoon position with his hips against Ronald’s taut little backside. 

 

Ronald was soft and comfortable, and William loved it. Perhaps he could get used to Ronald sleeping in the bed with him. When they were in the dark, the brunet gave the blond a small nuzzle. 

 

“Rest easy. You’re safe with me here.”

 

Ronald was a little blown away by how easily William had calmed him down, and how comfortable he was here in his arms. He liked being the little spoon with William; it just felt right and natural. He fit right in, like he belonged there. He crossed William’s arms over his chest like a protective barrier, and held onto them tightly. He would not be letting go of them for anything.    
  


“I believe you,” he murmured, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. “You’ll wake me up if I have a nightmare or something, right…?”

 

William set his glasses aside, feeling Ronald’s heart beating against his chest quickly. "Usually I’m the one with the nightmares; we both know that,” the brunet’s voice returned quietly. He’d woken up Ronald once or twice already, the unfortunate soul. 

 

"But I’ll always do whatever I can for you.” William reached forward and kissed the back of Ronald’s ear. “Sleep now, okay?”

 

“Mmkay,” Ronald answered, shivering pleasantly at the kiss. He did know that; William mumbling and crying out for help in his sleep, calling for his father. It was heartbreaking to listen to, but now, Ronald wondered, if they were going to be together, if he was now in a better position to comfort William after such nightmares. His own dreams of failure were positively trivial in comparison. “I’ll be there too if you have a nightmare,” he decided, shutting his eyes and already feeling his body relax and get ready for sleep. “We’ll help each other…”

 

This knowledge let William drift off into a truly pleasant sleep, Ronald tight and snug in his arms. Just like when they were little and used to sneak into each other’s beds at the sleepover…William almost felt like a child again, safe and secure. Besides, after William’s abuse as a child, he used to sleep with his father like this, as the little spoon. Nothing made him feel safer than being in his father’s strong arms, so hopefully Ronald could feel the same way. 

(TBC! review for more~)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronald and William survived their exams! Now that they have a break from academia and can properly relax, they decide to go all out and camp at the beach for a couple of days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from hiatus (which is a fancy word we use when we mean "couldn't be fucked") with a new chapter! Thanks as always for reading! Feedback is adored~

They took this position every night from then on. Sex wasn’t even a thought at this stage — it was being able to feel comfortable with each other, warming up to physical intimacy again. Their nights were spent spooning, while the days were spent tutoring Ronald and cramming for exams. It was stressful, but it also couldn’t be better.

 

Ronald was very at home in William’s arms, feeling safer and more secure there than anywhere else. It was also the very first place he went to when it was raining and thunder rumbled in the distance. William was a Safe Place and it did wonders for the poor, frustrated blond. Between the physical intimacy and the private tutoring and study sessions, Ronald’s grades saw great improvement.

Ronald would get so wrapped up in trying to focus and study that he frequently pushed himself too far and too hard, and William was there to make sure he didn’t cross his limits. And William, meanwhile, would study so diligently that hours would pass and he would simply forget to eat were Ronald not there to cook for him and make sure he nourished himself.   
  
It had been such a rocky start, but the peace and harmony they had achieved together was worth it all, in Ronald’s opinion. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to get this done on his own, or even if he’d been dorming with someone else. He was so glad that it was William. The balance between them was flawless. William and Ronald slotted in together like perfectly matched puzzle pieces…or rather, pieces of glass that should never have been broken, but found healing and harmony in unity. 

Of course they weren’t magically healed the moment they accepted their love for each other, but now the 20-year-old wounds could finally start to recover. 

William was determined to get Ronald through college no matter what, and Ronald was rapt in his own efforts to help William get over his mental hurdles. 

Together, before they knew it, they were staring at big fat ‘A’s on their exams for this trimester —  _ both of them _ ! — and William was so surprised to see Ronald had achieved such a mark that he had to sit down. Ronald had to sit down, too, and flopped lifelessly down onto his bed, staring at the paper he’d gotten in the mail. He would have been okay with a C for the trimester, and a B would have gone beyond his expectations…but an  _ A _ . He’d gotten an  _ A _ . 

“Pinch me, Will,” he whispered. “I gotta make sure this isn’t a dream, ‘cause I don’t believe it.”

But slowly, a grin spread across his face, and he looked up to meet William’s eyes, heart pounding. “We really did it?” he asked softly.   
  
William sat up, reaching out to grasp Ronald’s hand. “You did it,” he answered with a warm smile of his own. “You put the hard work in, and now you reap the rewards. I’m so proud of you!” He leaned over and gave Ronald a small celebratory kiss. 

 

Of course, William had done flawlessly too, and and he was quite surprised at the fact. Given the ups and downs he’d had in his very first term, he thought he’d be looking at Cs at least. This was far better than he had anticipated. 

 

Perhaps father would be proud. 

 

In response, Ronald practically tackled William in a violent hug, squeezing him tightly around the shoulders and laughing out of joyous relief.    
  
“Will,  _ we did it _ !” he cried, kicking his feet excitedly. “We really made it through all that horse shit okay! Look at this!!” he cried, waving his grades in William’s face. “Look, look, look!!  _ A _ s!! On both of them, Will! I dunno what kinda witchcraft we did, but  _ we did it _ !!”   
  
He knocked William back onto the bed, laughing and hugging him tightly out of pure excitement. He’d been so convinced he’d fail his first semester at university and he’d somehow gotten out of it with a solid A. He couldn’t possibly be prouder or more amazed for the both of them.    
  
William cradled Ronald in his arms lovingly.   
  
“My dear darling,” he declared warmly. “You deserve a big, lovely reward. Do you remember how we used to go camping together when we were children, at the beach…? Do you remember how much fun we used to have…?”

The sheer ecstasy that Ronald was exuding made William’s heart feel lighter than air. What other ways were there to make him happy? William wanted to explore all of them.

“We should do that again, Ronald.”    
  
At this point, Ronald was like an excited golden retriever in danger of wagging his tail clean off. “Camping at the beach!” he echoed, sitting up in William’s lap and positively beaming. “I haven’t done that in a million years! Will, I’ve still got that two-man tent we used and everything! I can make you all the best campfire meals, we can go swimming and hiking — “ he gushed on. 

 

“Let’s go right now!! It’s almost spring break; we can go now that we’ve got our grades back. We can drive by my mum’s house and get the supplies, say hello to her — she’s gonna be real excited to see you, y’know!”

 

William ruffled Ronald’s hair gently. “Alright, alright; don’t wet yourself. We need to do some planning first, don’t we,” he mused. “You  _ are  _ awfully cute when you’re excited.” 

  
  
  


Of course, as it turned out, Ronald could not be calmed down. Since the term was over, they were free to leave whenever they wanted — once William had adjusted his therapy and medical appointments, of course. And there was no way he was taking that mangy old tent from twenty years ago, no — they were going to go and buy a brand new one, large and extravagant. 

 

Ronald protested quite a lot as they were in the outdoors supplies shop, insisting that they really didn’t  _ need _ a new tent and the old one was still perfectly good, even though he agreed that the new one  _ was _ very nice, and — oh, it had functioning zippers? Mesh  _ windows _ , you say? Its own tarp floor…foam floor mats for extra support for their new two-person sleeping bag. It even had hook space for hanging a camping lantern, its own battery operated string mood lights and — Ronald laughed out loud when his attention was drawn to this feature — cupholders. 

All this was  _ very  _ nice, but the blond finally caved when the shopkeeper tempted him with a free camping panini press with the purchase of the deluxe tent.

“It’s supposed to feel like we’re  _ camping _ , not staying in a hotel,” Ronald teased William as they loaded their purchases into the car. “We’re still gonna use a bunch of the same old camping gear like the camping chairs and the cutlery and kettle and pots! We’ll give ‘em a li’l wash; they’ve been in the garage a while.”

(But he  _ was  _ grateful and was looking forward to spending the next week in their nice new tent.)

 

William was deaf to Ronald’s teasing as he packed the things into his car. “I think, being gay, I’m entitled to a little glamping, don’t you think? Not to mention… _ I’ll _ be washing those dishes myself, before I’ll even consider letting you bring them along. After all, all that sort of thing is really cheap. We could easily get new ones.” 

  
He wanted Ronald to have as good a time as he could. If he wanted it to feel like how it was when they were children, then William would do his best to accomodate…provided hygiene wasn’t at stake. 

 

“We could,” Ronald replied, kissing William’s cheek before he closed the trunk and climbed into the passenger seat. “But I like the old ones and the memories with ‘em, don’t you? Heh… _ glamping _ …you really  _ are _ gay enough to say that, huh? Don’t worry; we’ll get a little grubby 'cause we’ll be outside, but we won’t get  _ disgusting _ . If it makes you feel better, I’ll do all the dirty work. Build the campfire, raise the tent, catch our grub;  _ all _ that good stuff.”

He grinned from ear to ear at William once they were back on the road. “I won’t complain about a few little luxuries, though. Last time I went camping, I didn’t have a car with USB chargers. And that panini press will be a nice touch.”

 

William gave Ronald a little smile as he got into the car and started it up to begin driving, his pale, scarred wrists bright in the sun coming through the windshield. This trip was going to be perfect, but first things first, they had to stop off at Ronald’s mother’s place. 

 

His faithful therapy cat Bisou was in her carrier, ready to be dropped off with Emma Knox for the week. They drove out of the city and to the edge of the town, beyond the suburbs, to the small farmhouse where she lived. There was a joyous reunion between eternal mama’s boy Ronald and his mother, who were two peas in a pod, and once things settled down, the three of them had tea. Wrestling away mischievous pets who begged for scraps very quickly became an amusing routine, as well as keeping them away from under their feet as they dug up the old camping gear out of the garage. Everything was washed off  _ vigorously _ under William’s insistence, and put away neatly into the trunk of the car. Bisou peered out the front window with her newfound companions, Ronald’s dog Pavlov and cat Eirlys, as Ronald and William said their goodbyes and promised to stop by again on their way back to the university.

  
Finally he and Ronald piled into the car together and they drove off down the dirt driveway. They had an adventure to undertake.   
  
Ronald gave William an enormous grin once they were back on the road. “You did really good!” he praised his lover, patting his shoulder as he drove. “My mum was real glad to see you again. And don’t worry; she’ll take amazing care of Bisou, okay? Your lovely cat can come with us next time if she doesn’t mind getting dirty.”   
  
He leaned back in his seat and relaxed, resting his hands on his pleasantly full stomach. “This is going to be really great,” he decided. “It’ll be just you and me on the beach. I know a private little cove surrounded by dunes that’ll totally isolate us from the crowded camping sites, and it’s right on the water, just out of reach of the high tide. Just you ‘n me, allllll by ourselves. For  _ two days _ .”   
  
He cheekily wiggled his eyebrows at his lover and gave him a silly smirk.   
  
William glanced away from the wheel to give Ronald a bemused look. Truthfully, he was just relieved that Ronald did have a plan, because William couldn’t stand doing anything without a strict schedule in mind. That was simply the way he was.    
  
“I…I like the sound of it,” William confessed, turning back to the road. “Just the two of us...”   
  


This would be the most intimate situation they’d been in since the start of their relationship, and it made his stomach twist in excitement. Best of all, the beach was not even too far from Ronald’s mother’s house. Within an hour, they were turning off onto a nondescript dirt trail that would bring them down to their secret little area of the beach.    
  
“I wish it could be longer,” Ronald lamented, hanging onto the roof handle once they turned onto the bumpy dirt road. He couldn’t help but roll his window down a little to smell the sea air that he hadn’t in years, and he sighed contentedly into the salty breeze. “I can’t wait to go swimmin’. The water’s cold this time of year but I heard swimming in the cold ocean’s really good for you or something.”   
  
In minutes, they’d parked in their secluded, secret little cove, as untouched and secluded as it had ever been. Ronald practically jumped out of the car, his shoes already off, and buried his toes into the warm sand while he stretched out his muscles, cramped from sitting in a small car for a long drive. He’d missed this so much — the water lapping up against the shore, the gulls crying overhead, the sea grass bending in the soft breeze…this was perfect. It was exactly what they needed after a whole stressful semester.   
  


William watched Ronald go from the car, smiling openly because he knew the blond couldn’t see him. What a precious, free spirit Ronald was. He’d always been that way and William admired that aspect of him.    
  
After his secret little moment of adoration was over, the brunet got out of the car and opened up the trunk to take out their tent equipment. It was surprisingly heavy, and while William could have easily handled it normally, with his healing wrists it caused a bit of pain. He adjusted it uncomfortably and trudged off to find the spot that felt right to him.    
  


It didn’t take long; the whole beach in itself was pristine.    
  
William set the bag down a fair distance from the shoreline — they did not want to get flooded, after all, in a place that was shaded by trees.    
  


“Darling, would you care to come and assist me with this? ” he called, breaking Ronald from his reverie.   
  
“Yeah, of course!” Ronald responded cheerfully, carrying his shoes with him to William’s chosen spot. “Oh, this is a great spot, Will! Good eye, good eye. I love this old tree right here.”   
  
Together, he and William set up their fancy new tent, complete with its own screened in porch. Figuring out how to set it up was a bit of an adventure in of itself — Ronald immediately dove into it while willfully ignoring the tent’s instructions, protesting that using the instructions was ‘cheating’, but he relented once William gave him a Stern Look, which followed Ronald’s creation of an impressively shapeless pile of support poles and tarp. In the end, though, it was accomplished, and they did a damn beautiful job of it. It was Instagram-worthy.   
  
Ronald couldn’t help stepping back to admire their handiwork. It was the coziest little campsite he’d ever seen — they had camping chairs in their little porch, which was to say nothing of the tent itself — it was nearly the size of their dorm back at the university, sans kitchen, and could have slept five other adults in addition to themselves. One side of the room had a camping sofa and a small, collapsable table for two, upon which stood a hand crank  _ and  _ solar powered AM/FM radio, and then a queen size inflatable mattress with their two-person sleeping bag on the other side of the tent. An electric lantern hung from the ceiling, as did their battery operated fairy lights, which they’d turn on once it got dark enough. Their duffel bags and cooler were lined up neatly in one corner, and their shoes stood at attention on the porch, perfectly placed. There was another lantern and even more fairy lights than Ronald had bargained for, so they were strung up from the trees and to the porch. A good three or four yards from the tent, Ronald had dug a fire pit, which he’d expertly stacked wood into and surrounded with beach stones to keep the fire contained when they were to light it.   
  
It was perfectly idyllic and serene — exactly what they needed.   
  
“Oh, we are  _ so  _ coming back and doing this again the second summer comes,” Ronald decided right then and there, reaching for William’s hand with a proud smile.   
  
“Let’s just see how this summer goes,” William said with an exhausted huff, taking Ronald’s hand and looking around the inside of their tent with a fair sense of accomplishment. This was not ‘roughing it’ by any definition, but William was happier this way. He needed a few luxuries, and Ronald was fine with that.   
  


William kissed the top of Ronald’s hand softly, moving a few steps closer and taking a moment to just be with Ronald and enjoy the peace and relaxation they finally had.   
  
“I can get a fire going and make us up some tea,” he offered, wrapping a scarred arm around Ronald’s slender waist and meeting his beautiful eyes, as green as the sea just a few metres away.   
  
William practically felt his pupils dilate.   
  
Ronald gave William his best smile, gently tightening his fingers around William’s hand and nestling closer to him. “I’d like that,” he told his beautiful silver-eyed lover. “Let’s sit on the bed for a few minutes while the fire’s heating up and listen to the waves. It’s been so damn long since we’ve had a chance to just…breathe. Y’know?”   
  
It really was paradise. Just the two of them, in their nice little campsite on the beach, finally able to relax. It was sorely needed for the both of them, and now they had the chance to heal. Ronald didn’t let William go start a fire, at first, hanging onto his hand and gently taking his lover’s wrists to his lips, pressing feather light kisses to the healing scars.  
  
“Now that we have such a nice setup here,” he added with a wink, “I’m thinking ‘glamping’ isn’t so bad after all. This is really, really nice.”  
  
William smiled a little, despite how he began to blush as Ronald kissed the angry purple scars on his arms. The brunet tore his eyes away so that he didn’t have to look at them anymore, or think of the situation that lead to them.   
  
“It’s not quite at that level, you know. It’s not like we have electricity, or wifi…” he mused, heading out to get the fire. There would be no rubbing together of sticks or rocks — he had a tinder box and flint, so there would be no real trouble getting things started.   
  
In no time they had a happy little fire blooming to life, and the two men settled down on their inflatable mattress together. It felt so intimate. They’d been so busy with passing exams that there had been no time for anything so romantic…so they were shy and cautious.   
  
Following Ronald’s suggestion to just breathe, William stretched out his long legs and let out a deep sigh.   
  
Ronald sprawled out next to him, holding William’s hand once more, and then slowly and carefully rolled over to be closer to him. He rested his head on William’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, and shut his eyes with contentment. They lay together like that for a little while, listening to the water lap against the shore outside the tent. The spring sun was warm and warmed their tent, but the gentle sea breeze drifting through the mesh ‘windows’ kept it from being uncomfortable. It was truly perfect.  
  
“I don’t think we need electricity or wifi anyway,” Ronald decided with a smile, opening his eyes and looking up at William. “We’ve got lots of other ways to entertain ourselves, you know…”  
  
“Of course,” William replied obliviously. “We can go hiking, exploring the rock pools…more hiking…that’s about it for camping, I believe…”  
  
It was then he saw the look in Ronald’s eyes and caught on to exactly what he was insinuating. The heat in William’s cheeks grew steady and fast, and he nervously set an arm over Ronald’s shoulder, drawing him in closer.  
  
“At…at least, outside the tent… Perhaps you could explain to me… what sorts of things you had in mind…inside.”  
  
“Ah, you know,” Ronald murmured back with half-lidded eyes, tracing random patterns on William’s chest with his finger. “Something like this, maybe…”  
  
With that, he leaned forward and gently took William’s lips into his own. It was a soft kiss, but it held no chastity to it — Ronald was very quick to deepen it and cradle the back of William’s neck in his hand to keep him close. The fingers on William’s chest explored curiously at his lover’s collar, tugging it ever so slightly down and feeling the skin under his shirt.   
  
“But that’s only a suggestion,” Ronald teased, breaking the kiss and drawing back just enough to leave William wanting for more. “What do you think?”  
  
William was momentarily lost for words. There was something about this kiss that was different. It felt unfamiliar, coming from Ronald, but somehow more exciting than any other kiss he’d ever had.   
  
There was a real electricity to it. Something carnal, something tantalizing...and Ronald’s fingers, soft and always hot to the touch, tentatively exploring William’s handsome clavicle. The brunet melted almost instantly.   
  
Ronald’s ‘suggestion’ was more like an urgent, hungry demand, deep down.   
  


And that was okay, right?    
  
“That…that would be, um…quite…s-something…”   
  
_ My…my face is so hot right now _ … he thought weakly, instinctively being drawn closer like a magnet. He wasn’t usually one to be so nervous in matters of lust, but with Ronald, nothing was typical.   
  
“S-something rather enjoyable…actually.”   
  
“’Rather enjoyable’,” Ronald echoed back at William with a smile, and he gently traced his finger over William’s lips. “That’s kind of an understatement, huh? You’re so cute when you’re shy, Will…~”   
  
He got up quite suddenly, stretching out easily in their spacious tent, and looked out the mesh ‘window’ to watch the ocean. “Gives you something to look forward to, doesn’t it?” he asked casually as he began to strip down to his underwear. “But for now, I hear that ocean calling. Don’t you? I’m gonna poke some anemones and raise a little hell in the tide pools. I gotta fishing pole, too; I can even catch us some dinner! You’ll recall I was quite the angler back in the day~”    
  
He chattered on very deliberately; it was a means of teasing William and riling him up for later, when their fun would really begin.   
  
William stared blankly as Ronald got up and began to strip.    
  


“Huh?” he replied dumbly, his groin throbbing as Ronald denied him of any further affection. The poor brunet flushed even harder when he realized he was being toyed with in such a way. What a fiend his dear Ronald had grown up to become.    
  
“I’ll…continue making the tea, then,” he declared, inwardly deciding that when it did come time for them to fool around, William would make him pay for that little joke. He’d tease him and leave him unsatisfied until ultimately Ronald would beg for him.    
  
With a calm expression on his face belying his inner plotting, he exited the tent to tend to their tea. It is not wise to make a fool of William Spears, he thought smugly.    
  
Ronald just grinned to himself, knowing William was probably reeling from the tease and most likely plotting how to get back at him. That was fine; it would lead to an even stronger buildup of passion and desire, and it would give them the best possible first time they could have imagined. Ronald didn’t want to just dive right into consummating their relationship; it had to be just right.    
  
Even if “Ronald Junior” didn’t so much agree.   
  
He stripped naked and pulled his swim trunks on, and dashed eagerly out into the warm sea with a whoop of joy, splashing like he was a little boy again. “Will, Will! After tea, come into the water! I’ll show you the tide pools, alright!” he called merrily.   
  
William sat with his back to Ronald, face still hot as he sipped his tea. He was waiting for the afternoon sun to drop a little further into dusk. His skin was prone to sunburn after all, and he didn’t want to risk it…despite the layers of sunscreen he was wearing.    
  
When it was finally dark enough for the pale brunet to leave the protection of his shade, he made sure to change into his swimming trunks and reluctantly remove his gloves, then traipsed over to Ronald. The sand squeaked against his delicate, lily-white feet as he headed over, biting his lip a little.    
  
“Are you...having fun?” he asked tentatively. “The tide seems like it's going out. You might see more critters now,” he murmured, adjusting his glasses.    
  
Ronald already had an entire handful of crabs to show William, bright and eager, as well as an impressive little collection of seashells he’d poached from the tide pools. “Look at their li’l pinchy grabbers! They’re called Pinchy Grabbers. That’s the scientific term. I’m a scientist,” he told William matter-of-factly, grinning from ear to ear. “The tide’s going out and the waves are getting bigger! We can take turns on the body board and get some more momentum from the waves this time of day,” he chattered, setting his new crab friends free back into their rock pool homes.    
  
His diabolical plot for steamier sex had already been forgotten thanks to the excitement there was to be found in the sea. He really was a one track mind…   
  
“C’mon, c’mon, get in the water! People back at the university are gonna wonder if you even went on holiday because you’re still just as pale as you were before you left!”   
  
It was easy for him to say — Ronald was the type who was inclined to tan, not burn, and he already had a golden glow to his skin after playing in the water all afternoon.

 

William had quite a bit to say about Ronald’s so called scientific terms, having a bachelor’s degree in marine biology. It wasn’t a PhD by any measure, but he still had plenty of Actual scientific knowledge. Ronald’s jokes tended to go over his head. 

 

“In the water…?” he echoed as he reached the rockpools Ronald was playing by. “I hadn’t… _ really _ planned on swimming. It’s…not…very h-hygienic..” 

 

But at the same time, he knew there would be no deterring Ronald from his will. William decided to save himself the argument and just get in the damned water. It wasn’t cold. 

 

But William looked over his shoulder, extending a hand to Ronald. “You’re coming with me, you know,” he said with a faint but visible smile. 

 

Ronald scoffed at William’s protests of the water being ‘unhygienic’. “Will, it’s NATURE. Nature isn’t squeaky clean. Look, it’ll be okay, I promise! It’ll be really fun.”

 

The blond looked up at William in surprise at the mysterious statement that followed, however, and he blushed faintly. Ah, that smile…! His heart melted at the special sight, just as it always did. “Comin’ with you where?” he asked curiously as he took William’s hand and stepped into the water with him. “Where’re we going? The moon?” he suggested with his own grin. “' _ Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars _ ’?”

 

Nothing like a little Sinatra to make a nice mood with your lover.

 

“Hmph!” came the abrupt response. Someone was still salty about being cockblocked earlier on. William tugged Ronald further into the water, which came up considerably higher on the shorter male. William smirked as Ronald would get splashed in the face by water that William himself stood a head above.

 

It wasn’t so bad at all. And back when William was less of a germophobe, he’d loved to go diving. Swimming with father…hand in hand. It brought up a considerable wave of nostalgia within him.

 

Ronald sputtered and spat out the salty seawater that had inevitably made it into his mouth when he was splashed, but he wasn’t going to be the only one who got soaked. He hastily adjusted his glasses and smacked the water at the perfect angle to splash William in retaliation, laughing in triumph.

 

“Ha! You  _ thought _ you were gonna stay dry, didn’t you?” he crowed, dipping down under the water until only his eyes showed, and continued flicking water at his lover. He bobbed back up and continued with a sinister grin, “have you forgotten that the dreaded and dastardly Splashmonster lurks these waters?!”

 

Ah, the splashmonster — this was the treasured nickname a very huffy young William had given Ronald one summer. Another one of his books had met a soggy fate due to Ronald’s boisterous and unrestrained splashing in the vinyl inflatable pool in the blond’s back garden. That name had not been used in quite some time, and Ronald was thrilled to bring it back.

 

“A ridiculous name for a ridiculous man,” William countered, approaching Ronald and wrestling him under the water to assert his dominance. “You’re so childish, you know…” 

 

After a few seconds they surfaced, both of them completely saturated. Poor William was completely blind at this point, his glasses covered in water droplets. What an unpleasant sensation. And yet he knew that with Ronald in his arms, there was nothing to worry about. Slowly, that little smile came crawling back. William pulled Ronald closer and kissed him straight out. The kiss tasted of salt, of course, but Ronald’s soft lips made it a non-issue. 

 

Ronald’s eyes widened in surprise, and his heart promptly began to flutter in his chest. But he was quick to respond to the kiss, shutting his eyes and welcoming it, enjoying the soft and warm touch of William’s lips.

 

The water was the perfect temperature; it was just cool enough that Ronald could draw comfort from William’s body heat and stay warmer with him. “Yeah,” he whispered against William’s lips, tenderly caressing his neck. “But  _ you’re _ the one who just kissed him. So I think you  _ like _ that I’m a silly bastard~”

 

He continued to stand there in the surf and contentedly kiss his boyfriend, not minding the occasional awkward bump of their glasses, and not noticing the tide receding in preparation for a somewhat taller wave. By the time Ronald did notice, it was because the wave had just crested and crashed down right over them, knocking Ronald clear off his feet and pushing him under the surface.

 

It had been an absolutely perfect moment until that point — it was amazing just to be so in love with somebody. A simple kiss turned into a decidedly more heated makeout session, and William was hoping that perhaps they would adjourn to their tent to continue, when a freak wave tore Ronald from his arms and under the water. 

 

William looked down blankly for a moment, expecting his darling to surface with a goofy smile any second. 

 

Only, when Ronald did surface, it was much further out, and William’s heart skipped a beat. “Oi!” he called over the waves. “Come back!” 

 

“Yeah, mate!” Ronald called back with a sputter, already making an effort to swim back. “You reckon Poseidon didn’t fancy our gay snogging in his ocean?”

 

But before he could hear William’s reaction to his joke, Ronald was pushed back down under by another strong wave that snuck right up behind him. His glasses were knocked clean off his face from the force of it, and his hand was the last to go under, flopping down with a pathetic splash as the powerful current prevented him from surfacing. His heart began to pound, this time in fear rather than from the passion before — he hadn’t been able to take a proper breath before getting pushed down again, and fighting the current of the sea was tiring him out rapidly. Ronald was a good swimmer, but even he was no match for a force of nature like this.

 

_ No, _ he thought desperately, feeling panic boil inside him like a geyser as he was pushed down again and again.  _ No, I can’t die…!! No, I’m supposed to grow old with William! We just got back together! I can’t die here! I can’t leave him…don’t let me leave him! _

 

The light, hollow plastic frames of Ronald’s glasses were able to float, and were pushed towards the shore, washing up at William’s feet.   
  
William felt a cold wave of fear run over his body when the blond disappeared again, and this time did not surface, and his blood turned to ice when he laid eyes on the glasses at his feet. It had been a long time since the brunet had felt this afraid — not since he was a child, and Ronald had abandoned him, and a horrible man had abused him repeatedly. 

 

_ If Ronald leaves again, even worse things will happen…!  _

 

“No…’ William uttered ever so softly, one foot moving in front of the other, and he swiftly dove beneath the waves to save his childhood sweetheart.

 

He would  _ not  _ let Ronald leave again. He knew that if he did nothing, he’d never see him again. Now, William had the strength to keep Ronald at his side, and as long as that was what his sunshine desired, that was what he would do. 

  
_ We’ll never be apart again.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well THIS can't end well. D:


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when they were supposed to be enjoying their seaside vacation, Ronald is suddenly swept out to sea, and William must save him from a watery grave.

Ronald’s fight weakened as he went longer and longer without oxygen — going on over ninety seconds now — and he was pushed effortlessly by the current, further away from their campsite, further out to sea. His head was fuzzy, and black was eating at the corners of his vision. It wasn’t going to be much longer now before cruel fate took him away from William again, and this time permanently.

 

The blond was only half conscious when he felt _something_ take hold of him, and his first, oxygen-deprived thought was that Poseidon himself was dragging him to the bottom of the sea.

 

It wasn’t quite the god of the ocean, but it was a determined man who was realizing that you could never forget your ability to swim. William cut through the water like a knife, heart racing in his chest. All he could see was Ronald’s glasses washing up on the beach, a memoir of a boy he’d never see again.  

 

No, no, no, no…!!

 

Skin touched skin, and William pulled Ronald into his arms, and struggled with him all the way to the surface.

 

“Stupid, stupid,” William choked out as he dumped Ronald on the shoreline, slapping his cheek gently. “You’re so stupid…!”

 

Ronald suddenly coughed up a mouthful of seawater onto the sand, and instinctively sucked in an enormous gasp for air. Once he had some air back into his lungs, he lapsed into a violent coughing fit, weakly raising a hand to hold onto William’s.

 

Bleary and disoriented, Ronald rapidly blinked the remaining water from his eyes and tried to focus on his savior — William, beautiful William backlit divinely by the sun setting on the horizon and lighting up the sky in magnificent shades of orange and gold. The nearly-drowned blond sluggishly lifted a lead-heavy arm and softly touched William’s face, flooding with relief and adoration.

 

“Will,” he rasped, letting out another little wet cough as he gained more awareness. He cracked a feeble smile, holding onto William even though his limbs all felt like they were made of lead. “Will…Poseidon’s a salty jealous bitch and tried to take me from you~” he laughed weakly. “You kicked his ass.”

 

William gazed sternly at Ronald, but even though he was absolutely saturated, there was a wetness in his eyes that was definitely not sea water, and it was hard to keep such a cold expression.

 

“I — you…you’re just… _ridiculous_ ,” he sniped bashfully, pulling the weak blond into his arms and picking him up. “Causing me so much trouble… _honestly_.”

 

Together they trudged across the sand back to their tent, where Ronald was dumped somewhat unceremoniously upon their mattress.

 

Nobody, not a demon nor a god, would take this goofy idiot away from William again.

 

Ronald grunted a little when he hit the mattress, but he exhaled slowly and relaxed against it — it was a _really_ damn nice change from nearly drowning just now. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, coughing again and watching William. “It really was kind of a freak wave, wasn’t it…? It was so damn strong, and it kept pushing me under, and…”

 

Now that he was safe again, his good cheer had started to fade once he’d realized just how close he’d come to dying. He probably _would_ have if William hadn’t dived in after him. The blond shuddered, both from cold and from fear.

 

“…W-Will, thank you,” he said very quietly, throat tight. “Y-y’know, just...b-between you ‘n me, I…I was actually really scared…I love you so much and I was just...so...! _Terrified_ that I’d never get to see you again, that that was it, it was over, and...”

 

Ronald suddenly hugged William as tightly as he could, finding himself sniffling and tearing up. He let out a weak sob, his grip on William tightening, and his shivering much more evident now. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I scared you…w-we were supposed to be relaxing and havin’ fun on this trip…I’m sorry…!!”

 

“Come on, stop that,” mumbled William, feeling a pang of guilt in his stomach. He didn’t want Ronald to cry, even if it would lessen the shame of being in such an overly emotional state, himself. He leaned back and brushed Ronald’s pretty lashes with his thumbs. “It’s all going to be okay now. You’re safe, I’m safe, and it’s just us. Even if you just want to sit by the fire and roast marshmallows, that’s fine.”

 

He rubbed Ronald’s firm shoulders tenderly and gave him a squeeze. “Sorry if I was selfish there. Of course you were scared too. Drowning’s a hell of a way to go.”

 

Ronald’s tears fell regardless, especially when William held his face like that. He raised his weak, shaking hands to William’s face and held onto him, kissing him with clumsy lips, his tears slipping onto William’s cheeks instead. “No, it’s…not your fault,” he choked. “You’re just…you were just worried about me. Just don’t let me go, okay? I wanna stay in here…”

 

A cool evening breeze swept through the tent and onto Ronald’s still dripping wet body, and he shuddered, pushing himself closer to William for his warmth. “I never wanna leave you, Will,” he sniffled. “I only just got you back. It wouldn’t be fair if I’d died.”

 

William smiled softly. “No, my dear, it would not. I couldn’t abide that, in any case.” He then realised how cold Ronald was, how badly he was shivering, and cursed himself for being careless.

 

“Shit…we need to get out of these wet clothes,” he declared, ruffling Ronald’s wet locks and drawing back to help him get his shirt off.

 

“I wonder if you’re in shock?” he thought aloud. After all, he certainly wasn’t shivering as much as Ronald. “It’s okay. I can take care of you, and there’s still hot tea if you want some.”

 

In fact, Ronald was getting hot tea whether he wanted it or not. When they were both naked and huddled in their blankets, William settled down on the mattress beside his sweetheart and handed him his tea. “Drink up, alright?”

 

Ronald was practically glued to William at this point, and he nodded and obediently sipped at the hot tea. Ah, lemon zinger with plenty of honey and just a splash of milk. Now that was the good shit.

 

He had a beach towel over his head soaking up the water from his hair, and between that, the tea, William’s body, and the flannel blankets, he was nice and toasty in no time. “’Mm not in shock,” he mumbled around the hot mug, sitting in William’s lap and leaning heavily against his chest. “I’d know if I was. I’m just…beat to all hell, and scared. But…you can still take care of me.”

 

He finally managed a smile again, glancing up at William. “You’re already doing a great job of that, you know. Blankets, tea, comfort…you got it all taken care of.”

 

It was only then that something occurred to Ronald, and he blushed at the realization of it. “And, y-y’know…this is…the first time we’ve ever been naked together, huh…?” he ventured with his weak little smile, watching for William’s reaction.

 

William nearly snorted his tea. Ronald was so glad to have caught it, and it made him grin again, like nothing had happened.

 

“Of all the things to say,” William spluttered, going twice as red. He hadn’t thought about it, but they’d never seen each other naked except as kids.

 

Even just now, they’d dutifully turned their backs on each other when they got down to their underwear to change, and here they were….nothing but fluffy doonas around their shoulders to shield their modesty.

 

“You can’t be thinking about that sort of thing right now,” William said gruffly, stirring his tea. “You need to recover.”

 

“Well, _sorry_ for noticing,” Ronald huffed, but he smiled and covered his mouth with his fingers at William’s reaction, like the mischievous imp that he was.

 

He couldn’t stay down for long.

 

“And now that I’ve _noticed_ , I’m gonna think about it,” he declared with a soft laugh, taking another long sip from his hot, delicious tea. “Maybe I _want_ to think about the fact that my boyfriend is naked as a jaybird. He’s _awfully_ handsome, you know…and we _are_ alone. I have him all to myself.”

 

William humphed. “No, sir. You’re not playing that game again. You can think about me being naked as much as you like while I sit here and enjoy my tea.”

 

To emphasise his point, he took a long sip and leaned back against the wall of the tent. As he moved, the doona slipped from his shoulder. Deny it as he might, William was playing the same game now, toying with his excitable darling and leaving him wanting.

 

Whatever this was, it was much more preferable to Ronald being upset…or drowning.

 

William was content.

 

“I’m not playing that game again,” Ronald protested with a pout, scooting over and sitting as closely to William as he possibly could. “You can’t stop me from imagining what you look like under that doona, you know…”

 

That was when the doona slipped from William’s shoulder.

 

Ronald stared at the deliberately erotic display and gave William a look, raising one eyebrow. “I think you’re the one playing games, now, love,” he murmured. “Well, you can play that all you like, but maybe I’ll play a different game. One where you enjoy your tea, and I enjoy myself.”

 

He slipped his hand under his comforter and made a jerking movement with it to emphasize just what kind of “enjoyment” he was talking about. To further tantalize his lover, he leaned back, letting the towel fall off his head and onto the tarp floor, and let his own doona slip down his shoulders. They hung at his elbows instead, still covering most of his modesty, and he’d dried off enough now that he wouldn’t be so cold anymore.

 

He expected they’d be warming up real quick soon anyway.

 

“What do you think about that?” he challenged with a flirtatious wink, a hunch of a shoulder, and a gentle, quick run of his tongue over his soft pink lips.

 

William might have been as straight as circle, but he damn well knew how to keep a blank face if he really needed to. Ronald’s display elicited a rather derisive snort, and the brunet simply went back to his tea.

 

He sure knew how to cut a man down, if nothing else.

 

Of course, he was hard as hell under the blanket thanks to that little display, but it was a thick blanket draping over him and his erection was not visible.

 

Well, Ronald was fooled for now.

 

“Jesus Christ, you’re _savage_ ,” he whispered, looking aghast for a moment. “Looks like I _seriously_ underestimated your sodium content. Better check your nutrition facts again…”

 

So he crawled forward and tried again, giving William’s neck a brief, gentle little lick. “Yep,” he decided with a serious nod once he’d had his taste. “Just as I thought. Full of salt. What do I do with you, Salt Lick? Don’t’cha think the ocean wants some of that back?”

 

William turned his head slowly to look at Ronald, quite frankly very surprised at the fact that Ronald had just licked him. It was so ridiculous, in fact, that the brunet couldn’t help breaking into soft laughter, hiding his face with one hand.

    

“I’ve had enough of the ocean for one day, thank you,” he muttered, his cheeks rather pink. “Besides…you know perfectly well why I’m rebuffing your advances, darling,” he added with a sniff.

 

Ronald blushed when he heard William’s precious laugh again, and he wrapped his arms around William’s neck, scooting up right next to him to hug him and hang onto him. “Maybe you’re not _completely_ salty if you can still laugh,” he replied with a smile. “Salted caramel, more like. That’s a good combo, isn’t it? But seriously…it’s about me teasing you earlier, right? I’m sorry…”

 

His expression softened and he tangled his fingers into William’s hair, gazing up adoringly at him. “I thought you knew I was trying to rile you up and get you excited for later. It was supposed to be a sneak preview!”

 

The blush deepened just a bit, and Ronald curled his fingers in William’s hair a little tighter. “I just wanted it to be perfect, and…really passionate and stuff…you know?” he added, a note of shyness in his voice. “I wasn’t trying to…to lead you on, or trick you, or anything like that. I’m sorry. I really am; I’m sorry for denying you the way I did. I wanted to make it a little more interesting. That’s not an excuse or anything, I’m just…tryin’ to explain what was going through my head.”

 

William was quiet as he listened to Ronald fumble out an apology, and he tightened his grip around him to show that he’d at least accepted it.

 

“We’ve been apart for twenty years. We still have a lot to learn and relearn about each other, I think,” he answered softly. “Sometimes we’ll make mistakes…but…it’s okay as long as we communicate.”

 

The brunet looked down at the blond in his arms, the only person in the world that he wanted there anymore, and stroked his cheek.

 

“…I wanted it to be perfect as well. Tonight, I mean. Christ, I’m talking like it’s our wedding night. I-I…Not to imply that we’d — you know — ! Agh…you see what I mean?” he desperately uttered. “This isn’t some fantasy story. It’s real, and…we make mistakes, and that’s okay. It probably makes it…even better, in the end.” William then leaned down and kissed him sweetly upon the lips.  

 

Ronald heard and understood all of William’s words, but he fixated quite sharply upon one particular thing. His eyes widened, and before he could say anything about it, he was kissed. He shut his eyes instead and kissed William back, squeezing the hand on his cheek. “Just gotta keep the lines of communication open,” he whispered, scooting into his lover’s lap. “And you know what? Our wedding night doesn’t sound half bad.”

 

He continued peppering William’s lips with soft kisses, holding tightly onto his hand, and sighed with gentle pleasure. “I like the sound of that a lot, actually,“ he told him, cherishing every second with his most precious person in the world. “Someday…”

 

William was practically glowing at this point, partially from being so flustered and partially because Ronald was genuinely…willing to marry him.

 

William wouldn’t have dared broach the topic for at least two years, which his father had advised him was customary. But here it was, out in the open, and he cradled Ronald close in his arms with an unabashed smile.

 

“Someday, yes. A future to definitely look forward to.”

 

This day had definitely picked up again, and William wasn’t about to let it go back down. Speaking of things that were up, he had instantly started feeling a little uncomfortable when Ronald flopped down in his lap. What rested beneath the blankets was noticeably prodding the young blond in the lower back now.

 

“Until then, u-uh…we have today…”

 

It was then that Ronald finally noticed William’s arousal, and he shifted in William’s lap, glancing down in order to see the ridge hidden behind the fabric. “Oh…! Looks like you pitched a tent on the beach _and_ in your pants,” he teased, glancing back up at his lover with a grin. “We definitely have a future to look forward to, but I gotta say…I think I’m really looking forward to today, too. Right now, as a matter of fact.”

 

He rested a hand on William’s thigh, giving him an eager look. “What about you?” he asked with a bright smile. “Are you excited for today too?”

 

“I’m not excited about people asking questions they already know the answer to,” William responded slyly. “You are a coy little minx, you know.”

 

He bit softly at his lower lip when Ronald’s hand rested on his upper thigh, and he instinctively twitched down below. It was noticeable through the blanket, and William let out a breath.

 

“Just admit you’re excited by me,” he curtly requested, gazing at his sunny blond through half-hooded eyes. “You can barely contain it.”

 

William loved the way Ronald looked in the ambient light of the tent. The sun lit it up from the outside and made him look stunning, and their fairy lights gave him a soft, warm glow. Not able to resist any longer, the pale brunet leaned forward and stole a kiss from Ronald’s full lips.

 

Ronald gasped softly as his breath was stolen away right with the kiss, and he shut his eyes to focus on every sensation. Once more, he gently cupped William’s face in his hands as the kiss grew deeper and more passionate, and he slowly leaned back onto the mattress, bringing William forward with him. “You _do_ excite me,” he whispered breathlessly between fierce kisses. “I can’t play around anymore…I need you. I’ve needed you for a really long time.”

 

One hand went back down to William’s lap, hovering just over it, seeking permission. “Can I see you, Will?” he begged softly, cheeks rosy and lips red from their passionate kisses. “Please…let me see you and touch you…I need to see that beautiful part of you, too.”

 

His heart was pounding; this was finally happening…!!

 

William hummed in satisfaction. “I know you do,” he said quietly, leaning over Ronald and passing his hand through the blond’s hair.

 

Now, finally, after waiting for so long, they were going to partake of pleasure, and of the beauty of one another’s bodies. But William had not been kind to himself of late, and it showed. A flicker of hesitation appeared in his unique stormy eyes, and for a moment he said nothing.

 

Ronald’s sweet little pleas were impossible to say no to, but deep down, William was very self conscious.

 

“My body…I-I don’t…want to disappoint,” he said in the quietest voice. His endowment was no problem — that much was clear just from the ridge in the blanket — but the evidence of his suffering both past and present was visible upon his pale skin.  

 

“How can I even compare to you…?”

 

“Don’t compare yourself,” Ronald answered earnestly, gently caressing William’s warm cheek. “Listen…I promise there’s no way you can disappoint me. You’re William T. Fucking Spears. I already love every single inch of you, okay? You’re a beautiful man with a beautiful soul and I’m damned lucky enough to call you mine.”

 

He leaned up a little, pressing reassuring kisses to William’s lips, then his cheek and jaw. Ah, his poor, perfect William, who had gone through so much…Ronald would protect him until his dying day. “You’re mine,” he whispered again, his fingers worshiping William’s skin with perfect reverence. “Please don’t worry…okay? I love you. And I’d love for that gorgeous bod of yours to pin mine down and make it scream with pleasure~”

 

William was momentarily taken aback. He’d been lulled by Ronald’s words then hit by an exclamation of pure lust. But it was all Ronald’s love, through and through, and William felt his eyes prickle.

 

“Ahhh, you’re too sweet, Ronald,” he mumbled. “How did I end up with you?”

 

William wasn’t one to believe in fate, but…if anything could convince him, it was this. He slowly let the blanket slip further from his shoulder, then he pulled it away, exposing his ravaged form — all of it — and he sat back on his knees so Ronald could take as long a look as he pleased.

 

William couldn’t quite look him in the eyes, but…he wasn’t afraid of being judged anymore. This was Ronald, who had supported him through everything. He was safe.

“I-I…want to see you,” he muttered. “May I…?”

 

Ronald drank in the sight before him with more thirst than a starving man in a desert. William was still unhealthily lean, with his skin stretched tight over his bones with precious little muscle or fat to protect and warm them, but Ronald adored him all the same. There were signs of recovery there, including the fading scars on William’s forearms. The blond kissed every last one of them, his lips soft and kisses loving.

 

“You…are…so… _beautiful_ ,” he whispered in between every single kiss. “My beautiful, perfect William…”

 

When he had seen what he had wanted to and given his lover all of the respect that was due, he gave William his consent in response to his question.

 

Gently, a little sensually, Ronald laid back and opened the comforter to him, showing William his lean and toned body, with hips narrower than his shoulders and skin golden from playing in the sun. He was eager to give all of it to the man before him.

 

Everything about Ronald’s body was perfect, even the imperfections. William spent a long time just admiring his sun-kissed form, the precious freckles, his smooth and toned abdomen.

 

“Ahh, I knew I didn’t have a chance in hell,” the older male commented, though it was with a faint smile. He leaned in, settling his body against Ronald’s own, and began to cover him in sweet, tender kisses.

 

He was particularly fond of Ronald’s cute, flushed little nips, and his lithe hips, and what lay between them certainly deserved a good measure of admiration as well. Ronald was basically the perfect size and girth. William fondly ran his fingers through the blond curls that adorned its base, then gave the tip a chaste kiss.

 

“I certainly got lucky…” he murmured, glancing up at him without raising his head.

 

Ronald’s breath hitched softly in his throat when he felt William’s fingers touch him so intimately, and he stiffened instantly beneath his fingertips. “W-who’s the lucky one again?” he sighed softly, pressing himself up against William’s warm, beautiful body in response. “Ah, you’re so warm…”

 

The blond automatically spread his legs for William, lying comfortably on his doona, and he reached out to gently tousle William’s hair. “And you’re beautiful,” he added tenderly, his heart already starting to pound with excitement. Finally showing himself to William like this…it had been worth the wait.

 

“Hey…when you take me,” he concluded in a whisper, “don’t be gentle, okay? I want you…I want you to give me everything you’ve got. All your love and passion, right here and now. Won’t you please…?”

 

“How could I give you anything less?” William answered, kissing Ronald again and loving it even more now that he’d began to harden.

 

He wanted to impress Ronald, of course. Good sex was very important to a good relationship, even if it wasn’t tantamount. William was good at what he did, but could he give Ronald what he wanted?

 

The brunet smiled faintly as Ronald touched his hair — it was an erogenous thing for him —  and rubbed his hips against his lover’s own.

 

“You’ll be too shaky to stand when I’m done with you,” he purred, running his fingers along Ronald’s ribs. “First…I’m going to need you to roll over and get on your knees for me, dearest.”

 

Ronald arched and shivered softly at the light touch to his ribs, punctuated by a gentle curl of his toes. He laid a hand over William’s, just gently hanging onto it while William touched where he pleased, and adoring the simple affection of their hand-holding. It was nice to just feel William touching him in a sensual way, getting to know him and explore his body. Ronald couldn’t wait to do the same.

 

“On my knees?” the blond asked very interestedly, doing exactly as requested of him. Ah, rolling over and exposing himself to William so submissively like this…! His member gave an eager twitch of approval, and he blushed like a young virgin. “What’re you planning, then, huh?” he inquired with a smirk. “Love, I’m _hoping_ to be walkin’ funny tomorrow by the time you’re through with me, yeah…~”

 

William lay his head on Ronald’s lower back now that it was exposed, and gave soft, calming kisses to his sacrum.

 

“I was thinking I’d give you a real treat before I do that,” he whispered, setting his glasses aside. “Get you nice and worked up. Just lean forward for me and…s-spread your legs.”

 

To start, William gently pressed his body against Ronald’s, continually kissing him, while his manicured hand had taken a delicate hold of Ronald’s warm, perfect cock. He began to administer gentle strokes, while moving his kisses lower, down the blond’s smooth skin.

 

“Just tell me if anything I do makes you uncomfortable, Ron,” William requested, letting out a nervous sigh.

 

“A treat? Like w — ”

 

Ronald didn’t even have time to finish the question when he felt William’s lips kissing him where they were. His jaw dropped and his words died in his throat as he realized just what William was planning. His legs spread as if of their own accord, and spread even wider when he felt William’s lovely, slender fingers engulf his cock.

 

He was an unbelievable slut for William T. Spears.

 

His fingers and toes curled slowly in pleasure, and his eyes fluttered shut as he pushed his face into the camping mattress. A soft groan was his answer to William’s nervous question, followed by a slow shake of his head, and finished by an extremely incoherent and breathy “Not…a… _thing_. Is…uncomfortable…r-right now…”

 

Oh, god, they’d barely even begun and he was heating up so quickly…

 

“Good,” William said firmly, running his hands down the backs of Ronald’s thighs, then up again, gently teasing his cute little taint.

 

It was amusing.. and satisfying…to see how quickly Ronald melted under William’s touch. The scientist could certainly draw reasonable conclusions as to how much fucking fun they were about to have.

 

“Your body is so lovely, you know,” he whispered in between light kisses. “You deserve to feel so, so good.”

 

There was the faint sound of a packet being opened; it was flavoured dessert lubricant that Ronald had completely insisted upon them trying. William had originally thought that was a bit unusual for their first time…yet here he was, about to give Ronald the rimming of a lifetime.

 

Creme brûlée flavoured lubricant wasn’t the most unusual thing happening tonight.

 

Like a good and thoughtful boyfriend, William coated his fingers in the sweet, slippery substance, and began to lube Ronald up.

 

Ronald may have been very good at flirting, but absolutely any hint of being suave disappeared once he started getting pleasured by a lover, and William was the greatest love of his life. The sweet scent of the lubricant tickled his nose, and feeling William’s finger tease around his entrance like this was just making him melt further and further.

 

“Mnnn…you’re already…makin’ me feel amazing,” he moaned softly, squirming delightedly under William’s touch. “Your fingers are fuckin’ magical, Will.”

 

And honestly, they were. They were the perfect size for Ronald’s insides, to pleasure and prepare him for everything they were about to do together. They were so slender and gentle, even though Ronald suspected that they’d be going all out soon enough. He didn’t even know how in the hell he was going to begin to return the favor to William. Ronald was confident in his abilities in the bedroom, but no lover had ever made him feel so good so early. William was a fucking god.

 

This was definitely what William wanted to see from Ronald. It would have been nice to see this kind of enthusiasm earlier, but here it was now, and it couldn’t be more wonderful.

 

William’s deft fingers worked keenly to warm Ronald up, moving in and out to stretch him, and then he settled on his knees behind him.

 

“Okay,” he murmured in a hushed tone, swallowing with just a hint of nerves as he lowered himself towards Ronald’s body again, leaving a sweet trail of kisses across his flushed skin. His lips reached the blond’s wet, lubricated entrance and kissed him there directly, giving his cock a little squeeze as he did so.

 

“I’ve got you. You’re so lovely…”

 

Ronald shivered gently at every kiss, at every sweet word from William’s mouth, at every feather light touch from his hands. His eyes remained shut so that he could concentrate solely on every sensation that William was going to bring him, and his hands curled up to pull their blankets into his fists, the only tension coming from anticipation.

 

He shivered again when he felt the kiss at his entrance, cold from the lube, and positioned himself to allow William the most possible access. He chuckled softly at William’s words and turned his head so that he could be heard: “Never had anyone flatter my arse before…”

 

He giggled faintly again and relaxed, heart pounding with anticipation. “Appreciate it, though…feels great,” he added softly, smiling even though his lover couldn’t see. He groaned quietly at the gentle squeeze to his cock, and then closed his eyes again to wait for the action to begin.

 

William let out a soft huff of laughter.

 

“You’re foolish,” he chided, and then went quiet. As his hand keenly manipulated Ronald’s cock in his hands, he breathed gently against the blond’s lubed entrance for a little playful stimulation.

 

It was truly a treat; Ronald was perfectly groomed for the occasion. William smiled to himself…he knew how keen Ronald was for any sexual intimacy with his partner, and he greatly appreciated that Ronald would be so clean and smooth and hygienic for him.

 

The brunet closed his eyes and kissed him again, then once more, before toying with the outer rim between his lips. His darling tasted like just like the dessert-flavoured lubricant…tasty. And William just loved how Ronald shuddered around him at each tiny little motion. He hadn’t even begun to use his tongue yet.

 

Ronald shivered and let out a little noise of surprise when William stimulated his entrance with his breath alone — god damn, he was a lucky bitch. William knew damn fucking well what he was doing; Ronald’s poor little gay heart was running wild, and every little thing had his stomach performing elaborate acrobatic stunts inside him.

 

“I-I’m the fool, huh?” he stammered out, flexing his whole body in anticipation. “And what’re you gonna do if y-you make me come before we can _really_ get down and dirty, huh?”

 

Ronald was pretty sure he’d never been so hard in his entire life. He’d never received a rimming before, either, and he thanked his lucky stars that William was the first to give him one. Already, the tip of his cock was dripping precum...!

 

“Naturally,” said William, in between bouts of deftly pleasuring Ronald with his tongue, caressing his entrance and taint gently, followed by vigorous insertion within his hole that had Ronald mewling like a cat in heat, “I am just going to edge you like you won’t believe…leave you begging…”

 

He could feel how desperate the blond’s cock was getting in his grip…he’d really gotten worked up fast. William keenly slicked Ronald’s dick up with his own precum, shuddering in arousal as he sucked expertly at the ring of muscle.

 

If this wasn’t down and dirty though, William didn’t know what was.

 

And, as he promised, he wouldn’t let the boy cum. Not yet.

 

It was also a damn good thing that they were as secluded as they were, because the noises that Ronald was making in the throes of pleasure made it sound like a murder was happening. His body, especially his hips, jerked and twitched erratically as he was pushed to the edge and not permitted to fall just yet, and moans escaped his throat on their own accord. The blond’s body was covered in a fine sheen of perspiration, and he was blushing so hard that it reached all the way back to his ears and down his neck. His cock, which was already leaking, steadily dropped precum to the pillow and blankets beneath him.

 

Needless to say, William was doing a damn good job.

 

“A-aaahhhh, f-fuck — _fuck_ ,” Ronald gasped, pushing back against William, hips jerking and breath hitching. He was actually afraid of his heart bursting from his chest, since it was pounding like he’d been running for miles. “Oh, Will — I’m fuckin’ dying,” he moaned, desperately grinding his hips against the mattress. “Fuck me — _please_ , please just fuck me blind — ”

 

Good god, the pressure in his cock was unbelievable. How in the the everloving _shit_ had he not come already? William was a goddamn fucking sex wizard or something. Ronald had never felt so needy in his life, like every pore in his body was on fire with pleasure; every last inch of his skin had become an erogenous zone.

 

It was important to let that fire calm down, or there would be no point going through all the trouble of fully preparing Ronald for penetration. He’d just come a few thrusts in, and that would be fun for no one.

 

But William knew how to handle beautiful twinks like Ronald Knox. The blond’s body was a well-oiled machine, it craved pleasure, and William was skilled enough to give it what it needed. He couldn’t wait to learn every nuance, learn exactly what really drove Ronald wild. Rimming, for starters. That was definitely going on the list.

 

"Shhh,“ the brunet crooned, finally drawing back to keep Ronald from going over the edge, and he settled the man back into a supine position despite Ronald’s whines of need.

 

"Ahh, you got so close, didn’t you? It’s okay. I promise I’ll let you finish.”

 

He tenderly kissed Ronald’s slick, desperate cock, which no doubt was feeling hypersensitive right now. William then took Ronald’s hands and settled their naked bodies together, kissing along Ronald’s hairless chest, and nuzzling his cheek.

 

"I really prefer…being able to see into your eyes, for this,“ William confessed a little shyly. He was a little embarrassed, too, considering what he’d just done. He was quite a reserved man, and that was such an… _unorthodox_ act.

 

Ronald laid back, breathing hard, and moaned softly and affectionately as William kissed him so tenderly and made such a sweet confession. “Hahhh…you’re so cheesy I could go for some wine and crackers right now,” he teased gently, stroking William’s cheek. “You’re gonna make me melt…”

 

Honestly, being spoken to so sweetly and handled so gently, especially after such a sexual thing as rimming, had Ronald’s heart beating just as fast as the rimjob itself. He hugged William tightly, just focusing on their skin against each other, feeling their hearts beating as one.

 

“I feel so amazing with you,” the blond whispered, his voice just as soft as the waves outside. “You’re _home_ to me.”

 

“I want to feel that way to you,” William replied, his own heart fluttering like moth against a hot light. He kissed Ronald’s ear lightly, feeling goosebumps rise on his lover’s skin as a result, then added, “But…I suppose I have to turn things up again, if you’re thinking about wine and crackers at a time like this. How easily your mind wanders.”

 

The brunet was smiling as he eased back down Ronald’s body and delicately parted his thighs in a slow, deliberate manner.

 

“I don’t want you to think of anything else but me.” Taking his thick, enthusiastic cock into his hands, he ran it back and forth over Ronald’s taint and entrance and circling the area with the dewy head, teasing him with what was about to come.

 

“Keep your eyes entirely on me.”  

 

Ronald gulped silently and nodded, still trying to catch his breath. “I don’t wanna think of anything else but you,” he protested softly, and he shuddered and groaned quietly when he felt William’s cock up against his entrance. He was dying with anticipation; he’d wanted this for so damn long, and now here it was, and it still felt like it had a lifetime yet to go.

 

As instructed, he looked up into William’s eyes, face flushed with arousal and eyes misty from all of his emotions coursing through him. He would not break their eye contact — William’s stormy eyes were too beautiful and hypnotic to look away from anyway.

 

“I’ll watch you,” he whispered, bracing himself on William’s shoulders, and spreading his legs just a little wider. “Please…please, I need you inside me…”

 

William finally gave dear Ronald exactly what he needed, gently maneuvering the tip of his member inside Ronald’s eager entrance, before pushing his hips forward at a careful, slow pace so as not to hurt the blond in even the slightest.

 

In the back of his mind, he wondered how long it had been since Ronald had been filled by someone like this, because dear god, this boy was tight. William set his hand down on the mattress to steady himself as his hips pushed closer towards the backs of Ronald’s thighs, while the other lovingly stroked the man’s own cock.

 

“Is this okay?” he whispered, searching Ronald’s hazy eyes for any sign of discomfort. But his lover looked like he was floating on a cloud, and that was just fine with William, who felt much the same way as he eased inside him. Towards the last two inches, it seemed to become a bit harder for Ronald to adjust, but with much care and patience William was soon completely sheathed within his darling.

 

Ronald was floating on clouds. It hurt a little, but just the right amount for a kinky little thing like him, and he had stars in his eyes once William had completely sheathed himself. Feeling William’s full, incredible cock inside him was everything he dreamed it would be and more, and he was damn well going to enjoy every last second of it.

 

“This is perfect,” he breathed, chest heaving gently. “Oh, fuck… _fuck_ …Will, you’re perfect. Thank you…”

 

He lay there with William for a moment, catching his breath and moaning softly while he adjusted to William inside him, but he was impatient and soon began rolling his hips and grinding up against his lover. “I love you,” he gasped softly, kissing him sloppily and blindly. “I love you so much…”

 

William didn’t reply, more focused on ensuring that Ronald’s pleasure was completely maximised. It was a bit of a habit for him to go silent until he was absolutely sure his partner was enjoying themselves and not in pain.

 

Ronald’s kisses softened his stern gaze, however, and a brief smile passed over his features as he began to move within him.

 

“Ah...Ronald you’re so tight,” he whispered, “and so hot. It’s amazing…”

 

His hips began to roll towards the blond’s body with a fluid grace, even as they picked up speed and vigor. He then set both hands on either side of Ronald, hair hanging in his pale eyes as he pounded firmly into Ron’s body.

 

Oh, god, this was exactly what he’d wanted, for so long. His boyfriend was the most beautiful in the world, and nothing else mattered. Hell, the Kraken itself could wash up on the shore and William would not care; nothing brought him greater joy in the moment than seeing Ronald squirm and writhe in delight.

 

Ronald gasped softly with each thrust in, clinging so tightly to William that his nails left dark, red, crescent-shaped marks in his skin. His back arched beautifully with each shudder of pleasure, and his skin was flushed with arousal and slick with perspiration from their combined efforts. He mumbled incoherently under his breath in Welsh, turning his head to the side and showing off his handsome throat.

 

The best part was the fact that his cock was grinding so perfectly against William’s chiseled abdomen, creating a friction of godly delight that left the blond moaning like a five dollar whore. Blindly, he moved a hand to William’s to hold it tightly while he was pounded into, and moved his hips in perfect synchronization with his magnificent Adonis of a lover. He couldn’t get enough of how beautiful William was with his usually immaculate fringe now so carelessly out of place with his constant motion, the flush on his face, the hard breaths he took…

 

Ronald was the luckiest man in the world.

 

Heh. It was still a little embarrassing to look Ronald in the eyes after what they’d just done, and what they were currently doing, but there was nothing but love there. They’d made it through trials that would break any lesser couple, and were all the stronger for it.

 

Seeing Ronald’s exposed throat, William went straight for it like a wolf, lavishing it in licks and enraptured kisses. By now the two of them were moaning openly, and often in unison with each other and each deep thrust that abused Ronald’s inner walls in the most wonderful way.

 

“Mn-mmhh…I-I feel… I — s-so good — ” William gasped, cheeks hot and damp with exertion.

 

The brunet was getting close now, and he knew Ronald was even closer after being rimmed as splendidly as he had been. He knew what his blond sounded like when he was getting close, because he’d heard him playing his solos a couple of times before.

 

Ronald almost kicked William entirely by accident when his throat got attacked with kisses; at the exact same time, William had shifted his weight and his angle and hit Ronald’s sweet spot dead on. The blond’s leg jerked reflexively, and he cried out in ecstasy at the explosive pleasure spreading through all his nerves. Miraculously, it was still not enough to push him over the edge, and he clung tightly to William, begging, practically sobbing, for more.

 

“Mnnn…!! S-so…so close – hhh — ahhh, _Will_ …!” he choked out, meeting each of William’s thrusts with desperation for release. The tent was filled with the sounds of their gasps, sighs, pants, and moans of pleasure, of flesh slapping flesh, of pure and honest lovemaking.

 

Ronald had never had a partner like this, and it wasn’t just the technique, or even the chemistry — this was a man that he loved with his whole entire heart, and he never wanted this moment to end. Not just the pleasure, but the intimacy, trust and love that they were sharing was unlike any other. Ronald was head over heels as he raced toward the finish line.

 

William held Ronald tighter, as if the universe would quite utterly hurl them apart if they did not hold as tight as they could to one another’s bodies.

 

He was absolutely dedicated to Ronald’s pleasure, and once he found that perfect angle to satisfy his sweet spot, he didn’t relent fucking it for even a minute. It was just as gratifying for him too, especially in the way that Ronald’s body tightened around him in delight.

 

All at once, their coils could be wound no tighter. Just as William heard a cry and felt thick rivulets of semen erupt from Ronald’s cock onto his hand, he achieved the coveted simultaneous orgasm.

 

“Oh — _yes_ , I’m co —  I’m _coming_ — !” he whispered, feeling his length pulsate with each beautiful pump of his hot ejaculate. He felt every muscle in his body go weak, and he collapsed against Ronald to ride the last throes of what was arguably the best orgasm he’d ever had.

 

William has done his best for Ronald, too, and though he didn’t have high hopes at first that Ronald would rate this his best orgasm, the expression on his lover’s face was nothing more than pure, unbridled bliss.

 

Ronald moaned headily as his heart pounded faster in his chest, and their thrusts met their peak speed. His whole body was on fire with pleasure, and the tiniest little touches had become erogenous, sending him spiraling into ecstatic bliss. When he finally reached his climax, he cried out like he never had before in his life – no lover had ever gotten him to do that – and jerked and moaned frantically while his orgasm rocked through him like an electric shock. He moaned William’s name again and again, writhing breathlessly like an utter madman, and then…it was all over.

 

When William had gone too — so beautifully, so perfectly timed — Ronald flopped listlessly back against the mattress, one arm now loosely draped across William’s back, and slowly floated down from his high, focusing on catching his breath and just feeling everything there was to feel. This was by far the best orgasm he’d ever had, his best ‘first time’, and the best ‘vanilla’ he’d ever had. Plenty of awards to go around.

 

He sighed with satisfaction, pulling closer to William and holding onto him, completely and utterly spent. “Will,” he whispered hoarsely between pants, “that was perfect…it was absolutely…fuckin’…perfect. Thank you…”

 

The exhausted blond could hear the waves and the seagulls again; for a little while, they’d been drowned out by the cacophony of sex, and now it had gone back to the peace and quiet. It really was the most perfect spot that they could have chosen.

 

They were both entirely spent, especially William, after how perfectly he’d rimmed his sweet darling on top of fucking him senseless.

 

If the gallon of cum Ronald had pumped into William’s hand was any indication, he’d really enjoyed it.

 

William went weak against the bed, clutching Ronald with his quivering limbs, panting heavily. He was very out of breath, and that probably had a bit to do with the fact that he was still recovering from quite a serious eating disorder. It would take months before he was in peak condition again.

 

Still, if he could do this with his body as it was, Ronald had a wonderful sex life to look forward to as William got stronger.

 

“I love you,” said the breathless brunet, stroking Ronald’s wild, tangled hair. He hadn’t had a chance to say it earlier, but made sure to say it now. This perfect man was everything he needed.

 

Ronald exhaled shakily, smiling and pushing his forehead against William’s. “I love you,” he echoed back, lazily brushing his fingers against William’s cheek. “You lovely, perfect man.”

 

The sun hung low on the horizon, casting a golden reflection on the water, and they could see it from where they lay in their tent. They watched out the mesh window as the tide drifted lazily in and out and the sun sank beneath the waves, just holding each other and appreciating the atmosphere, letting their hearts calm down. They never really would calm down _completely_ , though; they were two men in love, and they would always get flutters around each other.

 

“It’s so beautiful,” Ronald whispered, holding William’s hand and watching the water. “I’m so glad we could come here together. I’m so glad we stuck together…”

 

William nodded his agreement, intertwining his fingers with Ronald’s. How lovely and miraculous it was to get to enjoy nature and each other like this — to feel so warm, fulfilled, and content! In that moment, they knew they would treasure this and each other for the rest of their lives. Every hardship had been worth it, and now, as they cuddled together in silence, they watched the tide turn and simply loved each other with all their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psych! Everything was okay, and they finally had glorious, steamy beach sex! Good compensation for that cliffhanger, eh? Thanks for reading! As always, reviews are much beloved, and stay tuned for the next chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William and Ronald catch their breath for a while after their nerve-wracking sea rescue to try and enjoy the rest of their holiday.

As the sun crept lower and lower behind the horizon, eventually their minds turned from love towards food.

 

Ronald insisted on catching their dinner from the sea itself, while William did William things like tidy their tent and surrounding areas, attend to his hygiene, and check his social media. When that was all done, he applied a healthy amount of mosquito repellent and approached his darling blond, who was sitting spread-legged in the sand with a fishing pole between his thighs and a beer in one hand.

 

William came and sat behind him, wrapping his arms around Ronald’s tummy. A gentle kiss was placed on the back of Ronald’s neck, which was quite red in places from being ravished a short while earlier.

 

“Any luck so far?” William murmured into Ronald’s ear, though it was quite clear Ronald hadn’t caught anything yet. “I brought some insect repellent. Mosquitoes carry all sorts of bacteria, you know. Please look after yourself.”

 

Ronald looked very cute in his change of clothes — a pair of khaki shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned completely, which showed off his toned chest and belly. He leaned comfortably back against William, stretching his legs and splaying his toes. “A couple nibbles, but nothin’ caught yet,” he replied, turning his head and kissing William affectionately. “Think they’d like the bait better if I soaked it in beer first? I know  _ I _ would.”

 

He offered William an ice cold beer from his cooler, wiggling a little to get comfortable. “Some bug spray sounds real nice, too,” he added, waving a small gnat away. “Skeeters’re gonna eat me alive if I don’t use some of that stuff.”

 

William hid a small smile. “It’s roll-on,” he clarified, taking the beer in exchange for his repellant, and got comfortable.

 

Together they watched the sun completely disappear while Ronald fished, chatting casually to one another about just anything, and feeling like they didn’t have a care in the world.

 

“Hey…you know I…don’t feel like I need those bad things anymore?” William asked, tightening his grip around Ronald’s stomach. “Those…less than ideal…coping methods? With you, I just have this wonderful, warm glow inside me that heals and makes everything feel like it will be okay.”

 

Ronald anchored the fishing rod into the sand and began applying the insect repellent. When he was done, he gently laid both of his arms across William’s, holding just a little tighter to him. “That’s really good,” he replied, turning up to smile at him. “Hearing that makes me so happy, Will…I wanna be your warm glow. I’ll keep being that. I wanna heal you.”

 

Something occurred to him, however, as he thought about some of the ‘less than ideal’ coping methods that William employed. They hadn’t talked about them much at all, and Ronald couldn’t help but think one particular day that had stuck with him very clearly.

 

He locked eyes with William, hesitating, but closed his hands over his lover’s and steeled forward. “How…does your dad feel about you leaving all of those things behind?” he asked very softly. “Is he happy too?”

 

There was a heavy silence between them, and they both understood its weight.

 

“Yes,” William finally answered in a sigh, a rush of breath leaving his lips with the word. “He couldn’t be happier that I’m moving on, with you to give me strength, and the ability to stand on my own. He loves me so much, after all…a son’s happiness is all any father could want. He’s…happy…and so am I.”

 

Of course there was a note of bittersweetness there, but William’s words were determined nonetheless. He leaned across and kissed Ronald’s lips reassuringly, meeting his eyes with nervous, flushed cheeks. He also noted the feeling of his heart beating in his chest…

 

It was impossible to be so in love with someone, wasn’t it? No one had ever made him feel in such a way. William kept this to himself, since he was a proud and stoic man, but the adoration in his eyes when he looked at Ronald spoke volumes.

 

Ronald welcomed the kiss gladly, gently cradling the back of William’s neck. A weight lifted from his heart at the words; to hear this was relieving to both of them. “Good,” he whispered against William’s lips. “I love you, too. He’s a good father, and I’m glad you’re both happy.”

 

He smiled up at William, meeting William’s eyes with equal adoration. “You’re amazing. You’re already doing so great. I can’t wait to see you keep getting better and better, until you’re walking on the moon and drawing my name in the dirt. Yeah? Just like this…”

 

With his other hand, he reached down into the wet sand and wrote William’s name with his finger. A little crab scuttled past it, and Ronald let out a faint chuckle of amusement. “Just like that,” Ronald decided contentedly, squeezing William and kissing him again.

 

William watched it go, his gaze now completely peaceful. 

 

“Your handwriting —  as always, Mr. Knox — is quite deplorable,” he murmured light-heartedly. “But I promise I’ll write your name wherever I go, whether it's the moon, an asteroid, or a whole new planet.” 

 

The moment was interrupted by several strong tugs on Ronald’s fishing line, indicating that something had taken a bite. 

 

Since William had, for some time, been growing rather uncomfortable with the tactile sensation of wet sand on his hands and backside, he decided that this was time to leave. He didn’t want to see Ronald reeling in helpless fish to be killed and eaten. 

 

“Have I tidied the tent? I might go do that,” he commented, though they both knew he’d only just done so. 

 

“Will, you’ve already spent an  _ hour  _ tidying the tent,” Ronald grunted as he fought with the fish on his line. He dug his heels into the cooling sand, pulling back with his whole torso, not just with the rod. “Whoaaa — Will, I got something big!” he cried, leaping to his feet and holding tightly to the pole. “Nnngh…I hope it’s not a boot again…”

 

He would never forget that summer at the lake when they were children, and Ronald had been absolutely convinced that he had something gigantic on his line. When he finally reeled it in, however, he discovered he had only caught someone’s old wellington, filled with mud from the bottom of the lake. The other children they were with at the campground had laughed Ronald to tears, but William was there to comfort him. After all, he’d just removed litter from the lake, hadn’t he? And keeping the wilderness clean of human rubbish was good for all the animal habitats around.

 

Ronald’s mother had been very confused when her son came home from summer camp with an old, smelly boot, but she’d smiled indulgently and they’d filled it back up with dirt and planted flowers in it, since he was so insistent on keeping it. 

 

The blond grinned as all of this flashed through his mind, and he practically sparkled when he saw the fish on his hook as he reeled it in. He won the battle with it and danced right there on the beach with the fish wriggling on his line, and cheered triumphantly to match his victory dance. “Yeah, Will!! Will, look at this sea bass! It’s beautiful! Get the lemons and the butter, mate; we’re havin’ a feast tonight!! Son, I’m gonna roast this magnificent son of a bitch like you’ve never seen — ”

 

Though Ronald might have been the boy who cried when he couldn’t catch any fish, William had been the boy who cried out of sympathy every time another child caught one of those poor fish and hoisted it up on the riverbank. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for them and wanting to let them go free.  

 

William wasn’t sure if Ronald remembered that embarrassing aspect of his childhood, but he had never wanted to see any animals being hurt, and not much had changed over the years — especially after being treated like one himself — he’d been a lifetime advocate for animal welfare, and it was easy not to eat meat when you barely ate at all.

 

Incidentally, he didn’t feel hungry for this, not at all, and had quietly returned to his tent to listen to some peaceful rain ambience and go over notes for next semester’s syllabus. 

 

They hadn’t started it yet, but it never hurt to be ahead. 

 

Though Ronald wasn’t quite as sensitive as his lover was, he didn’t take any pleasure in seeing animals being hurt or suffering. When he caught his prize, he gave it a very swift and virtually painless end; if it felt anything, it was only for the briefest moment. And he understood squeamishness, too, so he let William do his thing in the tent while the bass was cleaned and scaled. Once it hit the skillet on their campfire, however, Ronald called eagerly for William. 

 

“Will, come out here! I got our protein and those fresh veggies roasting here,” he called, pupils dilated with eagerness while he cooked. There really was nothing like cooking over a campfire; everything tasted better somehow. “C’mere, babe, I got you some brain food! Don’t think I dunno you’re studying or something in there~” he added teasingly. “And we can have s’mores for dessert! We got everything!”

 

Boy, between the bacon and the campfire panini press, they were definitely going to have a luxurious camping trip as far as their food went. Ronald thanked his lucky stars that his mother was a good cook and had passed all of her skills onto her son. 

 

Eventually William caved and joined Ronald to have dinner. It certainly was easier looking at a cooked piece of meat than a writhing fish. 

With a sigh of reluctance, William gracefully took his seat beside his boyfriend and accepted his plate. All week he hadn’t missed one meal, and he loved a flawless record. Ronald would have no qualms about dobbing him in, either. The guilt that the little black mark over a mealtime slot brought the brunet, and the disapproval on his beloved father’s face, made him strive to beat his illness. 

Unsurprisingly, Ronald’s food was delicious; William was salivating before he’d even picked up his plastic cutlery.  

“Ah…it’s excellent,” he complimented him bashfully, pausing to adjust his glasses. “Such a talented man you are.” Then he wasted no time in going to town on the rest of it.  

Ronald grinned from ear to ear at the compliments, honestly more ecstatic to see William eating so enthusiastically than he was to receive such high praise. “Naaaaw, thanks,” he replied sheepishly, patting William’s arm. “I’m just glad you really like it! You’re makin’ me so proud, yeah…seeing you like this makes me really happy.”

He leaned against William while they dined, watching the light from their campfire dance off of the waves of the sea, and simply reveled in how content he felt. This was so perfect and meant to be; there could be no mistake. 

“Y’know…seeing you at all makes me happy,” he decided after a while. “Maybe I’m a broken record, but I’m so glad that you’re here. Not just here and beating all your difficulties, but just…here. With me.” 

Ronald had already finished his food and set it aside, and he happily wrapped his fingers around William’s hand. “You’re so good,” the blond whispered.

 

William’s eyes were glowing in the firelight, and he squeezed Ronald’s hand in return. He was too shy to say it, especially so soon, but he wanted Ronald to say with him forever. What was the point in pining after someone your entire life just to leave them a few weeks, months, years down the track?

 

He wanted to squeeze Ronald’s hand and feel a beautiful wedding band on the blond’s ring finger. Of course, they were in college. William was doing a PhD. Thoughts of eternal matrimony were all good and fun, but they weren’t realistic right now…it was better not to place any pressure where there didn’t need to be. 

 

As for dinner, the fish had been skillfully filleted, so that William did not encounter a single bone as he eagerly nibbled his way through the entire thing. Eventually he had to let go of Ronald’s hand so he could use his cutlery — he was no savage, after all. 

 

“Do those look like storm clouds on the horizon?” he asked, squinting a little into the dark night. “I believe we may be in for some rain.”

 

Ronald looked up a little sharply at this, immediately looking concerned, and he scooted closer to William by instinct. “On the beach?” he asked, a trace of a waver in his voice. “That’s no fun…we’ll catch our death of cold if it rains like this,” he sulked. “No fair. It was supposed to be nice this weekend. I can’t cook if it rains…”

 

He knew if he had William by his side, he’d be okay — William would certainly keep him safe and warm — but a storm was not something that he was excited for. 

 

“I don’t wanna eat cold beans from a can in our tent,” the blond pouted, warming a hand by the fire. “I want to keep cooking on a fire and stay warm and cozy with you. Fuck, what if it rains on our hike? I found out about such a good trail near here, too.”

 

The fiery blond abruptly got up to his feet and ran a few paces toward the storm, kicking up sand as he did, and shook a fist at the oncoming clouds. “Fuck off, storm!” he shouted into the night, pointing accusingly at it. “Don’t ruin our holiday! You fuck  _ right  _ off! I’m not having your shit! Go ruin someone  _ else’s  _ holiday!”

 

William watched Ronald shout at the clouds with a deadpan expression on his face. Certainly a good way to ruin the moment, but who could blame Ronald for being a little manic, knowing what a fear of thunderstorms he had? 

 

“Darling, if it does happen to storm, and I mean the  _ minute _ we hear thunder, we can pack up and go to, an actual resort or something,” William reassured Ronald. Truth be told, a resort would have been wondrous, and William would have gladly paid for it, but Ronald wanted the authentic camping experience. William didn’t hold it against him; he would be happy if Ronald was happy.

 

“Come on. If we want to hike tonight, we should go before those clouds come in. Did you prepare wet weather gear? I made sure to pack two pairs,” the brunet fussed as he took Ronald’s hand and guided him back to the tent. 

 

As predicted, Ronald immediately complained that you couldn’t camp at a resort. You couldn’t catch fish in a chlorine pool, and you most certainly could not start a campfire on the balcony of your hotel room. But he took William’s hand and reluctantly went with him to get ready for a night hike. “Okay,” he whispered like a little boy who had been scolded. “But what good is a resort either when you can’t enjoy some sunshine?”

 

He and William got dressed for a wet night hike regardless; if they were going to hike and try to stay dry, they were going to have to go now. The clouds would certainly reach them by morning, if not sooner. Ronald stamped out the remains of their fire before they left, and locked their valuables in the car before they set out.

 

“At least I did catch a fish,” Ronald relented once they were on their trail, which took them a little bit more inland, but they were parallel with the ocean and could see it at all times. “It was a good sized sea bass, and it was tasty as fuck. And I got to cook on the fire. Maybe I can still make s’mores for us even if it’s raining. And raindrops hitting a tent…that’s a good sound.” Ronald hooked arms with William, mostly for security, partially for warmth, and walked alongside him. “That’ll be cozy. Just the two of us in our two-man sleeping bag listening to the waves and the rain. And you’ll keep me safe from the thunder.”

 

The thunder was the least dangerous thing here, of course, but William kept that to himself. He also knew that the clouds, and the storm they likely harboured, would be here long before morning. Meteorology was one of his minors, after all. 

 

The trail was clear, well-defined, and full of greenery. It was very enjoyable, and they had plenty to talk about. That was only natural, with 20 years apart. They spoke of interesting places they’d travelled to, or things they had participated in.

 

William, for example, had been to Antarctica with his father on a scientific expedition, and it was one of the most memorable experiences of his life — though he didn’t go into too much detail, for Ronald’s sake. Ronald had chattered eagerly about the time he got to visit Morocco, and a camel had spit on him, joking that this was how he got his cowlick — or ‘camel-lick’, as he preferred. William hid a smile as he pointed out that Ronald had always had such an unruly hair feature. 

 

Holding hands, laughing, walking together along the trail…there was no doubt they were meant to be together. This was wonderful, though the clouds were fast approaching. 

 

“Are you doing okay?” William asked when they stopped to take a few sips of water. “I noticed you’ve been limping.” Of course, that was to be expected.

 

“Huh? Limping?” Ronald asked in surprise, looking up at William. “Why would I — oh.” Probably the rigorous sex they’d just had had something to do with it. “I guess maybe a little, but it’s nothing…”

 

But he trailed off, glancing William up and down and feeling like something was off about him, but unable to put his finger on it for several long moments. “Wait a sec,” he suddenly realized, slowing to a stop. “Will, your cane. You left your cane at the campsite. But you’ve been walking just fine without it.”

 

His limp…had it been psychosomatic? There was no trace of a limp in his gait when there previously had been.

 

“Oh my God,” he whispered, breaking into a grin. “I’m so good at sex that I cured your limp!”

 

William had been very taken aback when Ronald made him realise he hadn’t been using his cane. He really hadn’t been limping at all. And he probably hadn’t been for some time, even when he had been using his cane. 

 

“You arrogant wanker,” he returned, lightheartedly backhanding Ronald’s cheek. “Don’t take credit for my own accomplishments.” He ran his hand through his hair before adding, “I suppose…being with you has really helped heal up a lot of the trauma I’ve been carrying for all these years.” 

 

Ronald deserved some credit, but it certainly wasn’t for his sexual prowess. 

 

Ronald laughed and held William’s hand against his cheek, nuzzling up against it. “I was just joking about curing you,” he clarified, walking backwards with his lover. “But you really think…I had something to do with it? If I can keep helping you recover, then you’ll tell me what I can do for you…right?”

 

It was so strange. He had become accustomed to the sight of William relying on his cane around campus, and even in their dorm, so to see him on something as rigorous as a nature hike and not even struggling was something else. 

 

“I’m so happy for you,” he whispered, bouncing in his steps.

 

“I-it’s nothing huge,” William muttered, kicking a rock as they walked together. But of course, it  _ was _ huge. Now, he didn’t feel incomplete anymore. He didn’t feel like a cripple. 

 

If he could walk fine without his cane, it meant no more pity stares, or people trying to help him with things. He could finally command as much respect with his posture and stride as he did with everything else in his social facade. Instinctively he straightened his spine, and leaned over to kiss Ronald’s cheek. 

 

“You’ve already done more than enough,” he answered. “Let me look after you for once.” His arm slipped around Ronald’s shoulder; he knew it was probably going to storm soon, and Ronald would need him then.  

 

Ronald held close to William, heart full and fluttering like a bird as they walked in general silence to their destination, which was a scenic cliffside view of the ocean at the end of the trail. Ronald wished briefly that they’d hiked earlier and he’d brought a nice camera so that he could take some beautiful sunset photos, but he was happy to be here with William at all.

 

What was more pertinent, however, was that it had started to rain. 

 

“Hey…we made it!” he called breathlessly to William. “Too bad we don’t have umbrellas with us, huh?”

 

William was all covered up in his own professional wet weather hiking gear, and he was scraping the mud off his shoes on the beam of the fence overlooking the view. 

 

It had taken them about an hour in total to reach the top, and it would probably take another to get back. The wet weather would mean they had to take things slow — William hadn’t been out of the hospital for long, and he didn’t want to end up back there with a broken ankle or worse. 

 

The sea was dark and green now, thanks to the storm clouds that had now made landfall. 

 

“That was intentional, my good man,” the brunet explained. “Umbrellas are not for hikes; they are safety hazards in high-intensity winds, and make it harder to maintain a steady footing in bad weather.” 

 

Though they didn’t get their beautiful sunset view, William wanted to make the most of the sightseeing anyway. He found it just as stunning, and a little electrifying. Alas…if they didn’t get going before the thunder started, Ronald would fear being electrified too. 

 

As if tuned right into William’s thoughts, Ronald shuddered and added, “I guess they make good lightning rods, too. Don’t want that, no siree…” 

 

He blinked and wrinkled his nose as more raindrops began hitting his face, and he stuck to William a little more tightly than before. “It’ll be tough as it is keeping steady footing,” he mumbled. “I don’t wanna go tumbling off the cliff, either, so let’s get back to the campsite before we start even seeing lightning.”

 

“Y-yeah, let’s get outta here. Make like trees and leave,” Ronald muttered, hooking his arm with William’s. The wind had begun to pick up, and Ronald was already nervous. He just wanted to be in their warm tent at this point. 

 

William lowered his head a little as they made their way down the steps. The rain was obscuring his vision by covering his glasses, so he looked down to try and circumvent the worst of it. His free hand held the rail, keeping them both firmly upright. 

 

“Truth be told, I wouldn’t mind a lovely hot spa with you,” he mused after fifteen minutes or so or walking. “This storm doesn’t have to be so bad.” They hadn’t let the rain dampen their spirits — at least, William still felt fine. He would understand if Ronald wasn’t feeling 100% right now. 

 

“A hot spa  _ does _ sound nice,” Ronald confessed, letting William lead the way. His glasses were speckled with rain too, and he squinted through them, trying to see  _ anything _ in this darkness. “With all the bubbles and maybe even something in the water that smells nice…someone giving us massages with hot towels…”

 

Damn, he’d gotten himself all excited over the idea. Camping and being grubby had its charms, to be sure, but it was hard to beat a luxurious spa resort. Maybe William was onto something…

 

His thoughts were cut short when something darted out into the path in front of them. The blond cried out in surprise, pointing and shining his flashlight out at the trail, which illuminated a young stag. It stared at them, motionless, just as frozen as they were, water steadily dropping from its velvety antlers.

 

“Will, a  _ deer _ ,” Ronald breathed in awe, not daring to move. Jesus, the animal had nearly scared the piss out of him, but now that he saw it clearly and saw no threat, he could relax again.

 

“Amazing,” William exhaled, once he’d recovered from the mild shock. “Poor thing, out in the wet like this. I hope it has a shelter to return to; somewhere to stay dry.”

 

It blinked its long lashes at them, and William lowered his eyes so as not to seem aggressive. 

 

“Let’s just keep moving…it will go on its way.“ But now he too was wishing that he had brought his camera. The deer was magnificent, with a very slender frame. It was quite young still.

 

"You don’t need to be afraid,” the brunet explained to the woodland creature. “We won’t hurt you — Ronald has already had his dinner.” He couldn’t resist the snark.

 

“Well, I mean,” Ronald chuckled behind a hand, recovering from his own shock. “Venison’s not bad at all. So lucky you, huh?”

 

He slowly reached a hand out to the deer, which craned its neck forward and crept closer to give it a sniff. For a split second, Ronald could feel its cool, wet nose and its warm breath against his cold fingers, and he didn’t dare move. The stag sniffed at him for a moment, but then turned in alarm at some unknown threat further down the trail before bolting back into the wilderness from where it it had come.

 

Ronald and William held their breath as they watched it go — Ronald even lightly clutched a hand over his heart. “That was fuckin’ awesome,” he whispered as they finally began to move, eyes still fixed on the spot where the deer had disappeared. “Like, ‘some Disney princess shit’ awesome. Did you  _ see  _ that? He just…he sniffed my hand! Just went right up to it! God…”

 

William was very pleased to have seen such a rare, wonderful sight. This hike had definitely been worthwhile. 

“And if this were a Disney story, you’d be the hunter that killed the deer’s mother,” he goaded still, squeezing Ronald around the waist and affirming his grip so that neither of them would slip and fall down the long flights of stairs. William’s calves had certainly been given a workout on the way up, and now they felt like jelly on the way down. 

 

Ronald had wonderful calves, in all honestly, much stronger than his own — particularly his right leg, after years of needing a cane. William was a little disappointed that he couldn’t admire them right now. 

 

Ronald gasped quietly and clutched his heart with both hands now, whining “ _ Nooooo _ ” in a soft and piteous voice, but he couldn’t help but giggle a little again as he walked down the steps with William. The steps had been difficult enough to climb, but now he was trying to descend them in the dark, during a storm. He didn’t want to worry William.  

 

He could, however, make jokes, and that was one of the things he did best.

 

“You know, the best thing about walking in this much rain is that nobody could tell if you peed your pants or not,” he pointed out to William, holding a palm out to catch the drops as they hit the bottom of the steps and made their way a little closer to their campsite. “You could totally do it.”

 

William shook his head with a bemused smile. 

 

“I suppose so, but please don’t,” he smirked, watching his boyfriend happily catch the raindrops. Even in the gloom, Ronald still managed to be the brightest thing around. William felt glad to even stand next to him, just to be close to that soft warmth. 

 

It was at that point, when he was too distracted with Ronald’s precious face, that he misstepped on the absolute final step and went head over heels. Luckily it wasn’t a serious fall; he simply landed on his arse in the wet, and his instinctive reaction was to look up at Ronald in bewildered, almost comical shock. He was glad to have let go of Ron at the last moment, else they both would have gone tumbling. 

 

“Will!!” Ronald cried out and knelt in the mud beside his lover to be at his immediate assistance. “Are you okay? Fuck, that was a hard fall.”

 

But that look on William’s face — that utterly befuddled look of a man who hasn’t fully computed that he’d just fallen onto his own ass —  tickled Ronald’s funny bone in just the right spot, and he snorted before bursting into laughter. He laughed long and hard, gasping for breath and barely able to hold himself up; he had to hang onto William to keep from laying down on the muddy trail.

 

“You — your fuckin’  _ face _ !” he cried, tears of mirth beading up in the corners of his eyes. “You were like that goddamn deer in our floodlights just — the fuck just happened — ohhh, my God — I’m so bad for laughin’ but I can’t help it — ”

 

There were worse things than falling on your ass in the rain and having your lover collapse in laughter at the sight of it. It probably wasn’t so bad when said lover was hanging off of you and gasping for breath because he was laughing like he never had in his life.

 

William’s tailbone hurt like hell, but no real damage had been done. He blinked when Ronald began to laugh, and that was followed by the heat of embarrassment climbing up his cheeks.

 

“Oh — d-don’t laugh at me,” he cried in faint mortification, but he couldn’t help smiling too, though that was hidden behind his muddy gloves. At least his own hiking pants were waterproof, so the mud and dirt and wetness hadn’t seeped in. “You’re the worst, you know,” he huffed, shaking his head. Ronald’s laughter was infectious. Frankly, William was the most embarrassed by the fact that he’d only slipped because he’d been gawking at Ronald like a lovestruck teenager. 

 

“The epitome of sympathy, aren’t you, Mr. Knox.”

 

Ronald giggled helplessly into William’s arms, burying his face into his lover’s chest, and flailed his legs lightly where he knelt. “ _ So _ sympathetic,” he declared, melting into his lover’s embrace. 

 

William was mortified. And yet, such a thing was so typically Ronald, and part of why William loved him. In the end, he ended up laughing, too. 

 

William’s laughter, as always, was sweeter than the most beautiful symphony, and Ronald drank it in. It was infectious, and Ronald just laughed with it until he ached. His ribs, stomach, and throat all hurt something terrible, but it was worth it. 

 

“I’m alright,” he uttered breathlessly when he was finally able to calm down enough to speak. His cheeks hurt from smiling, too, and he lay on William in complete exhaustion while the two of them let the torrents of rain pour down onto them. “I’m okay….holy hell…”

 

Just then, exactly as Ronald hoped wouldn’t happen, a flash of lightning bolted across the sky over the sea. There was only a split second before the thunder crashed down over them, deafeningly loud, and Ronald flinched so hard that the top of his head smashed into William’s jaw. He curled up in William’s arms at once, his breathless laughter gone in an instant, and tried to hide his face inside William’s sodden jacket.

 

“Oh god, oh fuck, shit, shit, shit  _ shit shit shit _ — ” he whispered in little more than a frightened wheeze. “I’m sorry…”

 

Just as quickly as they had been laughing about the peculiarity of the situation, the lightning strike turned the mood dark again. 

 

On top of that, William was struck in the jaw with the full force of Ronald’s head. It made him bite his tongue hard, causing his mouth to fill up with blood, and tears sprung to his eyes involuntarily. His poor, terrified darling…this wouldn’t do at all. William couldn’t bear to see that smile leave Ronald’s face.

 

“…R...Ronald...” he stammered, anxiously wrapping his arms around the frightened man, and blinking rapidly to try and clear his eyes. Jesus Christ. 

 

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. C-come on, let’th get back to the tent,” he muttered, helping Ronald to his feet. “You’re thafe with me.” 

 

Ronald clung tightly to William once he was back up to his feet, hiding his face in his lover’s coat, trying to stop his teeth from chattering. He let out a tiny, weak little sob of a laugh that died just as soon as it appeared — he was scared utterly pissless and yet the unexpected appearance of William T. Spears speaking in a lisp hit Ronald’s funny bone in just the right way.

 

Unfortunately, the fear of the storm was stronger, so Ronald was very quickly reduced to only being able to weep quietly as William carefully and lovingly guided him along, shielding him from the storm inside his coat. He cupped his hands tightly over his ears and cinched his eyes shut, which made William guide the blond down the trail like a seeing-eye dog. By some miracle, they made it back to their campsite in the dark storm, and together they eagerly climbed into their warm, dry tent.

 

“If the storm lasts through the morning,” Ronald whispered tearfully as they pulled their wet clothes off together, “if it’s still this bad in the morning…can we go to a hotel? I don’t feel safe in here…”

 

William paused from wiping the last of the blood and rain from his face with a handkerchief, pressing his hand against Ronald's cheek tenderly. "I will not make you weather a storm like this in such a flimsy tent. Come on...let's get you into dry clothes and we'll head to the Peach Springs resort. It's only forty-five minutes down the road, and I'll keep you safe." He gave Ronald a soft look, emphatic with adoration and a yearning to care for him right now.

 

Ronald sniffed and held onto William's hand tightly, staring at him with wide eyes and depending on him for comfort and security. "R...right  _ now _ ?" he whispered, clinging to William like a lifeline. "Is that really okay? W-what about the campsite? We're not just...we wouldn't just  _ leave  _ everything here, would we? I-I'll help you pack it up..."

 

"I said...let's get you into dry clothes," William repeated calmly, though it was not optional by any means. "You won't want to be sitting in wet clothes all the way to the resort, now will you?" Rain clung to his effeminately long lashes, almost like tear drops from the sky. "Take your clothes off, Ronald."

 

Ronald sniffled again and nodded, much too unnerved by the surrounding storm to disagree with William. He just wanted to get out of it. Slowly, reluctantly, he let go of William and began to undress himself. He shivered when his wet skin was exposed to the air, but soon he was naked and digging through his duffel bag for warmer, dry clothes. "But what about you?" he asked tremulously as he pulled on some boxers. “Won't  _ you _ be wet for the whole ride?"

 

"I'll worry about that once we're all packed up and on the road," said William dismissively, though his eyes, which appeared stormy-grey in this light, certainly lingered over Ronald's chest. Its fairy-light dusting of blond hair in the centre, its thicker happy trail, and those cold, perky nipples. William thought he'd exhausted himself earlier, but this made him start to stir to life. However, he was a responsible adult, and averted his eyes so his lover could change.

 

Ronald wasn't totally convinced by that, and he watched his beautiful stormy-eyed lover while he pulled on the warmest clothes that he could — thick woolen socks, fleece-lined sweatpants, a flannel shirt. He was quickly shooed out to the car wrapped in one of their blankets, under an umbrella, and in William's arms. He was also very reluctant to let William go to clean up their campsite, and held him close, kissing him fervently and trying and failing to entice him into the car instead of cleaning up in the rain.

 

William smiled as Ronald kissed him in the car, trying to will him to stay within the vehicle. It was too precious, but there was a job to be done, and William had to do it. He managed to prise himself free of Ronald's hold and turn on the AC to heat the car up. This and the background sound from the radio would helpfully keep Ronald distracted until the brunet returned. 

 

It wasn't an easy feat, in the powerful winds and pouring rain. It was enough to even put William on edge, a renowned storm-lover, but when he set out to do a job, he damn well did it. Within fifteen minutes he returned with all their camp gear and dumped it in the back of the car, before climbing into the driver's seat and wiggling out of his raincoat with a sniffle.

 

Ronald was half asleep, swaddled and warm as he was, but he looked up at William the moment he entered the car, and he reached out to take his hand. "You're soaked," he whispered, scarcely audible above the pattering of rain on the windshield. "Will you really be okay driving like this?"

 

"Of course," William answered without hesitation, his heart swelling at the sight of a sleepy, calmer Ronald. He was just...beautiful. 

 

"We can't very well stay here all night. That wouldn't be comfortable at all," he answered, pushing his wet fringe out of his face and wiping the rain off his glasses. "Do you feel any better now, my love?" he asked, turning the key in the ignition to start the engine.

 

Ronald nodded, squeezing William's hand. "A little bit...thank you," he murmured, holding it tight. "I can't...thank you enough."

 

Ah, William looked like he'd gone for another dip in the sea, but this time with his clothes on. The rare sight of William without his glasses, too, made Ronald's heart skip a beat. And being called "my love"...Ronald felt like he'd fallen in love with a fairy tale prince. It was too much.

 

William didn't really feel like he'd done anything noteworthy, but Ronald's praise caused his heart to swell ever further. He had a helpless smile on his face as he turned his attention to the wheel, and they left the beach to move back onto the road. The road was covered in at least a centimetre of water, and the windscreen wipers were on full strength. William wasn't the most confident night driver, but it wasn't so bad out in the country, where people were scarce. "Can you get me a cola from the back?" he asked his boyfriend, knowing that it would help him focus.

 

Ronald nodded agreeably, turning around in his blanket cocoon to reach for their drinks cooler, and selected two soda cans at random from it. He handed one to William and kept the other for himself, which turned out to be grape soda. William's, on the other hand, was one of the most caffeinated beverages they had after coffee. "Classic Coke, huh," Ronald murmured in amusement as he cracked it open for William. "Will ya be able to sleep tonight?"

 

"Please," William answered dismissively. "It's only cola." 

 

Soon they were out on the road. It was kind of...lethargic, in the warm car, with the sound of rain all around them. The light was off, so William could concentrate on the road, and each lightning strike lit up his sharp features and the deep scars on his arms. It also showed his eyes, which were soft and peaceful. 

 

It was clear that he was very happy.

 

Ronald only had eyes for William, holding his arm from the passenger seat, and he clung to him at each lightning strike, bracing himself for the resulting thunder. William was like a battle-scarred warrior, but the peace in his eyes was everything to Ronald. This ancient, precious friend of his, now his lover, protecting him even while driving...this man, who Ronald was going to watch become an astronaut and go up into space. They were  _ together _ . After half a lifetime apart, they had each other again, just like this.

 

Thinking about it blew Ronald away.

 

They rode together in relative comfort, though it was still pouring rain by the time they got to their hotel an hour later. Ronald got unhinged by the thunder again and was ushered quickly into the lobby under William's arm. They checked in (William insisting upon a nice suite, since it was their first vacation together) and were taken up to their room so that they could finally truly relax. 

Their suite was spacious and filled with comfortable furniture, had its own full kitchen (much to Ronald's delight, who would be able to cook for William after all), a spare bedroom, and an enormous bathroom with a shower and a spa bathtub. The bathroom itself was probably bigger than their dorm at the university, and Ronald about lost his mind at the luxury of it all.

 

Staying in a hotel wouldn't be so bad, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor babs can't seem to catch a break for long, can they? At least they got a day out of their camping, and nothing really does beat a luxury resort. Comments are always welcome and loved as usual! Hope to see you again next time~!


	10. Final Chapter

What followed was four days of utter bliss and harmony. William wasn't the most outdoorsy type, but at the resort he could spoil Ronald limitlessly. 

 

It was four days of hot spas, massages, mind blowing sex and pure hedonism to the most indulgent degree. Once the sun came out, they spent their time laying by the pool, just enjoying each other's company, and every night Ronald made delicious dinners, which they ate on their back verandah amidst calm candles as the sun went down. 

 

William found himself truly able to unwind some of his inner neuroses in this pristine little bubble of time in their lives. 

 

That final night, they lay in the heated pool on floating sun chairs, hand in hand, watching the stars in the sky. William's soft voice broke the calm silence. 

 

_ "Heaven...I'm in heaven.../ And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak..." _

 

Ronald turned his head to look at William, tightening their fingers together as he let out a surprised and soft little laugh. Sinatra? Oh, this old man. Ronald absolutely adored him.

 

" _ And I seem to find the happiness I seek,/ when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek _ ," he whispered back, taking William's hand to his lips and offering it kisses fit for a king. "I didn't know you liked Sinatra. I never thought about it, but...that's perfect for you. I never wanna stop being here with you..."

 

"I don't think I've had the privilege of dancing with you yet," William murmured as Ronald kissed at his hand. "That's something I will certainly have to remedy." He looked a touch embarrassed about it all, but Ronald seemed utterly enamored...as always. It was too precious.

 

Ronald blushed cutely in response to the idea of dancing with William, and he grasped William's hand anxiously, tightening his grip. "I don't know how to dance like...like that," he confessed, lacing their fingers together. "Waltzing and ballroom dancing...I wanna do that with you, but I don't know how. Will you teach me...?"

 

"You can be sure of it," William answered. 

 

_ After all _ , he thought privately,  _ how else will we dance at our wedding _ ? 

 

\------ 

 

Ronald and William inevitably married just a few months down the track. It was a quiet little seaside wedding, non-religious, outdoors at sunset. Both men were dressed in tuxedos of a creamy white, and William stood at the end of the aisle tall and proud and stunning. There was no walking aid necessary, and his beloved father stood at his side, his best man. No one else had the right to give William over to another man, that was for sure. Ronald was just as stunning when he advanced the aisle, with a contemporary lace veil embroidered with roses draped over his eyes. 

 

As William raised it over Ronald's head, a sweet smile touched his face. "Ah, sweetheart. Your eyes are the same colour as the sea."

 

Ronald smiled so broadly that his cheeks hurt, and his eyes were teary with joy. "You're so corny," he murmured, brushing his hand against William's and chuckling. "But that's why I'm marrying you right now." 

 

He took William's hand, and then the other, and faced him while they spoke their vows. Together, they declared their love for each other and promised to support and lift each other up through the good times and the bad, and remain faithful and loving until their dying breaths.

 

The moment that they exchanged their rings and were declared husband and husband, Ronald got a little too enthusiastic and practically launched himself at William for the kiss, taking his new husband's lips passionately into his own and holding him so tightly that not even the end of the world would pull them apart.

 

William had a friend in the restaurant industry, a man named Sebastian Michaelis. This man ran a 3 star Michelin restaurant named 'Bocchan's', and offered to do catering for the wedding completely free of charge. This meant the reception was nothing but food of the highest quality — especially the desserts. It was at the reception that Ronald watched William eat a full slice of an absolutely decadent chocolate cake. If William's stunning figure didn't clue in how far he'd come to recover from his disorder, this sight certainly would. 

 

It was no surprise that Ronald wept.

 

Ronald was the one who cried the most that night; he wept when he saw how far William's recovery had come, he wept when they had their first dance together, and he wept when they made love in their honeymoon suite. Neither of them had ever been so full of joy as they were on their wedding night, and it would only get better from there.

 

The end of their honeymoon coincided with the beginning of the fall semester at their university, and they buckled down together and began working harder than ever toward their degrees. Years began to pass them by before they even realized it — years of lectures, exams, finals, and interning wherever possible, until they quite suddenly found themselves holding their degrees at their graduation together.

 

They let themselves rest from academia only long enough to get themselves a place of their own — Ronald followed William right down to Cape Canaveral, Florida, in the United States, to attend medical school while William began his dream of astronaut training at NASA in earnest. They signed a lease together on a beautiful beachside apartment, and found their place of refuge after even harder years of rigorous study and training.

 

If they thought school had been difficult, they were in for a surprise. Medical school had a dreadfully low graduation rate, but with William's stern assistance, Ronald was going to pull through those four full years and graduate with honors. On the brunet's end, he had two years of astronaut training, and then another two of training specific to his mission upon the ISS. It felt like all his dreams were coming true, even if the workload was tremendous. Astronauts had to master Russian, as the only spacecraft capable of delivering people to and from the ISS was Russian. They also had to be able to do a great many things to maintain the craft, and each other. Hell, William even had to learn basic dentistry. 

 

But the fun parts, like zero-gravity simulations, they made it all worth it. With his sweet husband, William had the skill and the determination to make his dreams come true.

 

Learning Russian was never a skill that Ronald had planned on acquiring, but he ended up doing exactly that during his quest to help and support William. Getting a certificate proving his success in a Russian language course was a fairly random but impressive addition to his resume, and he didn't mind that a bit. Whenever he was able to go observe William's training, Ronald would cheer him on in Russian. He kept William's skills fresh by asking him to check out his teeth at least once a week. Any possible way he could help, Ronald did it.

 

He almost didn't know what he was going to do with himself when that nearing day came that he graduated medical school and started practicing psychiatry, and William would go on his first mission. It was looming up fast, and though Ronald could apply his cognitive behavioral therapy training to calm himself and William, he couldn't help but be just as nervous as he was excited.

 

They had almost everything they wanted. Ronald had a thing or two on his mind, though, and was just waiting for an opportune moment to make a different sort of proposal to William.

 

William said nothing the entire time they drove up to the space centre, the sight of the huge rocket looming on the horizon and becoming ever closer. His heart was racing in his chest, and he'd never felt more nervous in his entire life...except, perhaps, on his wedding day. They walked hand-in-hand across the lobby floor, and proceeded through the arduous security checks with tight lips. 

 

Despite having wanted this for his whole life, only one thought was in William's head:  _ 'I'm going to be leaving the man I love for a year and a half. Can I do this...? _ ' 

 

Despite all his progress, there was still the unshakeable feeling that all of it might go down the drain, being apart from Ronald again. He'd be the first astronaut to have a mental breakdown on the ISS, and would go down in history as a disgrace. That thought was threatening to unravel him. What if Ronald fell in love with someone else?

 

Ronald kept close to William as much as possible, always taking the time to reassure him and remind him that they would still have an internet connection on the ISS, and they would be able to video chat every day, and William could even use his social media from the space station to keep other family and friends updated on goings-on that he could share. Ronald promised to write to him all the time, but he knew that he was going to badly miss waking up and seeing William's face in the mornings, and have his comfort during a bad storm. And of course, they would both miss the sex. They had plans around that, though.

 

Soon, of course, the time came when William only had minutes left before he was to board the ship. Ronald held his hand tightly and gazed into his eyes intensely, memorizing his face, before deciding that now was the right moment.

 

"Will...when you come back, let's start our family," he told him, more serious than he'd ever been in his life.

 

That was it. That was all William needed to hear to know that  _ everything  _ was going to be okay. That determined look in those sweet, sea-green eyes, the way he cradled William's hands close, gently stroking their wedding rings. 

 

"O-oh," the brunet finally responded, and the whole world melted away from them right then and there, along with his worries, and a slow smile rose in their stead. "A family?" he asked softly. "Do you really mean it...?"

 

Ronald's excited little nods turned his smile into a grin, and William abruptly dropped his heavy bag of belongings and pulled Ronald up into his arms, locking the man's legs around the waist of his spacesuit and twirling him gently in the air. 

 

" _ Ohh _ , I should like that of all things, Ronald!"

 

Ronald laughed delightedly and cupped William's face into his hands, giving him a kiss even more passionate than on their wedding day, not caring who saw. He held the kiss for a long time, heart pounding with excitement, and when he pulled away, he realized that the media present were in a frenzy, taking as many pictures of the world's first openly gay astronaut and his husband as they could. Ah, let them. They were making history.

 

"We're gonna have the best li'l bubs you ever met," Ronald whispered into William's ear, hanging tightly onto him. "I have the perfect surrogate in mind, you'll see..."

 

William's eyes drifted shut, clinging tight to Ronald with his strong arms covered in faded scars, and there were tears of joy gathering on his dark lashes. "Ah...you do, hm?" he murmured, slowly setting Ronald back down on the ground. To him, the rest of the world wasn't even there. This, right here...this was the most important moment of his life. 

 

"Who is she? Should I be jealous?" he asked teasingly. "Is she beautiful? I ask, because...I don't want someone who will ruin your perfect looks."

 

"She's pretty, but she's not as pretty as you. But don't tell her I said that or she'll kick my ass," Ronald chuckled, pressing eager kisses to William's cheeks and gently wiping away his husband's lovely tears. "Don't worry; we'll have beautiful babies. You remember my friend Mei Rin from uni? I already asked her if she'd be willing to do something so huge for us, and she said yes! So I thought, if we're going to do this, I want to go for twins. One with your genes and one with mine. What do you think...?"

 

"My goodness...you've really thought about this," William remarked. "Of course I love the idea — they'd be siblings from the same womb. I will be terribly excited. Is that really possible?!" 

 

Over the speakers, they heard an announcement calling launch preparations to begin, and all astronauts to prepare to board the shuttle. William instinctively gripped Ronald's hands a little more tightly, and met his eyes. "I love you, Ronald. I will be counting the days until I can hold you again."

 

Ronald grasped William's hands right back and kissed him needily one more time, not wanting to let him go. "I love you too, Will," he whispered back, his vision swimming with tears of his own. "And I'm so fuckin' proud of you. Good luck up there, Starman. I'll be watching you, okay...?"

 

He hugged William tightly, taking in his heartbeat and memorizing it, letting it comfort him. William was going to be alright. "I love you so much," he repeated, shutting his eyes and squeezing William as much as he could.

 

William bit his lip as his fellow crew passed him by and clapped him on the shoulder, clearly trying to hold himself together. "Y-yes. I'll talk to you when — whenever I can, darling," he said in a hushed, strangled tone, stealing that final kiss from Ronald as he took a step back, and picked up his bag. 

 

"This Starman will watch over you too, Ronald. You're the most stunning star in my sky."

 

As he walked away from his husband, William had the sensation that he was somehow moving ever closer. After all, this journey would be the final test of their love, and when they pulled through, as they had pulled through everything else, they would be rewarded with reunion, and the convergence of family and fate.

 

This was a love that the stars had aligned for.

  
  


**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to the couple of people who enjoyed our fic! This is now the end. We really enjoyed writing it, and hope you enjoyed reading it just as much. 
> 
> It would really, really mean a lot if you who are reading this could leave a review of what you thought of our fic! Maybe we'll even write an epilogue in return ;) 
> 
> Lots of love!   
> \- Clear and Pie x


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